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She asked "what am I to you?" Pretty sure I answered wrong


drivenfuture
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she asked me this while at a nice park.

I thought she was referring to our labeling the relationship, as it's very early in the relationship (5 dates)...so I asked if that was what she was talking about...she laughed and didn't answer...

She texted me later in the night telling me to think about it, saying I hadn't answered...I mean I'm not ready to say I love you yet...we only just started dating.

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she asked me this while at a nice park.

I thought she was referring to our labeling the relationship, as it's very early in the relationship (5 dates)...so I asked if that was what she was talking about...she laughed and didn't answer...

She texted me later in the night telling me to think about it, saying I hadn't answered...I mean I'm not ready to say I love you yet...we only just started dating.

Pretty sure you answered wrong? You didn't answer at all. And honestly, that's ok. You were caught off guard and not on the same page as her. Entirely understandable.

 

But if either of you feel she deserves an answer, tell her what you told us. You aren't ready to define something 5 dates in and that's perfectly ok.

 

She may feel differently, but that may be the very thing that sets you two apart.

 

Or. . she may agree to slow her roll and let things unfold at a later time.

 

But answer her question. `I don't know yet' - is an answer.

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I agree with the above answer. I am confused why you are associating a label on the relationship as an immediate equivalent to having to say "I love you", though. Seems like a big jump to me.

 

Along with admitting that you don't know what the two of you are, you could say something along the lines of, "I really like you and want to keep seeing you". A simple "I don't know" with no encouragement to keep exploring may end your budding involvement.

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Pretty sure you answered wrong? You didn't answer at all. And honestly, that's ok. You were caught off guard and not on the same page as her. Entirely understandable.

 

But if either of you feel she deserves an answer, tell her what you told us. You aren't ready to define something 5 dates in and that's perfectly ok.

 

She may feel differently, but that may be the very thing that sets you two apart.

 

Or. . she may agree to slow her roll and let things unfold at a later time.

 

But answer her question. `I don't know yet' - is an answer.

 

My answer was asking if she was talking about labeling us as boyfriend and girlfriend if thats what she was talking about, and she said yes...so I thought that was it...but I found out later that wasn't what she was looking for.

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I agree with the above answer. I am confused why you are associating a label on the relationship as an immediate equivalent to having to say "I love you", though. Seems like a big jump to me.

 

Along with admitting that you don't know what the two of you are, you could say something along the lines of, "I really like you and want to keep seeing you". A simple "I don't know" with no encouragement to keep exploring may end your budding involvement.

 

2 separate things...as I said she said yes to the bf/gf thing but that wasn't what she was looking for in her question...so now I'm trying to figure out what she wants to hear, and thats why the I love you thing came up...but they are not the same thing. I just can't figure out what she's looking for, and if thats what she wants to hear...I'm not ready for that.

Much like you stated, I had said I liked her and cared about her and that it's very early in the relationship...but none of this swayed her from texting me for a different answer later on.

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lol...actually...we kissed before she said that lol. so hence thats why I thought she was talking about labeling as boyfriend and girlfriend...but perhaps she just wants to know I'm serious.

But then again, this is also after I drove an hour to see her, brought her to a park, and according to her, was the 1st man to meet her parents.

soooo.....I'm not sure why she wouldn't think I was serious.

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lol...actually...we kissed before she said that lol. so hence thats why I thought she was talking about labeling as boyfriend and girlfriend...but perhaps she just wants to know I'm serious.

But then again, this is also after I drove an hour to see her, brought her to a park, and according to her, was the 1st man to meet her parents.

soooo.....I'm not sure why she wouldn't think I was serious.

 

Well, I dated a guy for 8 months, stayed with him at his house 3 days a week every week, traveled with him twice a month and met his entire family and many of his friends. When I asked him the "what's our status" question, he told me he "liked" me. Yep, "liked".

 

So maybe she wants verbal clarification.

 

That being said, I agree it's a little soon for a "definition" or that hated word, a "label".

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It's only been 5 dates so you're practically still strangers.

 

I'd tell the truth. Tell her you don't know what she is to you yet and you need time to think about it as your relationship with her grows.

 

She wasn't referring to labeling the relationship. Ask her what she meant. Communication between couples is tantamount. Never get your wires crossed. Always be very clear and make sure she is clear, too whether with her questioning or expectations of you.

 

I think she was asking you if you think she could be girlfriend material or just a date after 5 dates. You should tell her that it's premature at this point to have strong feelings about her in one way or the other because both of you need time to figure each other out during this dating stage.

 

Tell her exactly what you wrote. Tell her you only started dating her recently and have a wait and see attitude.

 

If she's overly dramatic about this, you should know what you're in for and she may be the complicated type. She needs to use common sense and give your dating phase and relationship a chance before pouncing you with such questions.

 

She sounds impatient. Just be honest with your feelings and very clear. Do it politely and respectfully though. Don't become angry nor frustrated. Just tell the truth gently. If she's mature, she'll allow your dating phase or relationship to reach fruition and if not, she'll create issues when there shouldn't be any.

 

Also, don't relentlessly text back 'n forth otherwise it will lead to burnout very quickly. Give each other respectful and very considerate space and time.

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Are you from different cultures? There seems to be a severe lack of communication. Why answer a question with a question like a game or in an obtuse manner? She may have been fishing for the exclusive talk since you keep trying to move things forward physically and she keeps pushing back on that.

I asked if that was what she was talking about...she laughed and didn't answer...She texted me later in the night telling me to think about it, saying I hadn't answered.
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