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I have considered myself mostly heterossexual my whole life. I have always dated men, hooked up with men and felt attraction mostly towards men. I have kissed a few girls and am sometimes attracted to one or another, but never anything beyond that. But, after 26 years of life and a lot of heartbreaks and disappointments with men in general, I decided to try dating women, and to my surprise, I met a girl online who I've been really interested in and caught myself thinking romantically about her. This has NEVER happend.

 

Now, I know sexuality is very subliminal and I don't really believe there is a rule for anything, but I've never actually dated women, or even flirted or anything. I am really outgoing with men, I go out with different guys and I don't really think too much about what I'm doing, but with her... I simply freeze. I have no idea how to flirt, how to talk, how to act. I know it may seem silly but this a whole new world to me, seriously makes me feel like a teenager lol

 

She's so adorable and cute and I really don't want to ruin this by acting in a certain way that... so any tips are welcome. I know everyone is different, but I'm nervous about this and want to hear different opnions

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Have you met in person? If so is she bi? Does she know you are exploring this? Be yourself and be honest . Do not simply experiment on others without their knowing about your feelings/intentions.

after 26 years of life and a lot of heartbreaks and disappointments with men in general, I decided to try dating women, and to my surprise, I met a girl online who I've been really interested in and caught myself thinking romantically about her. This has NEVER happend.
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Do you want to date her, or is this more about exploring your sexuality? Be honest with yourself, and with her. I have kissed two girls (I was a teenager, and I was drunk), but I can't see myself dating a woman. There's nothing wrong with experimenting, but you should be both on the same page.

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The same rules should apply: date locally, get to know each other and take your time and keep things genuine, fun and lighthearted. Treat her as a person, not as someone of a different gender. If you're really bisexual or pansexual your instincts will kick in and you won't feel too out of place regardless of gender. Don't worry so much about your sexuality. Things will fall into place. Enjoy her company.

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Having been through a similar period of reflection after my separation (It helped me realize that I was not bi or pan just heartbroken) I can say that one of the most important things I learned is to be honest about the fact that you are in an exploration period... if they are bi, gay, etc. they will totally get it... however not everyone wants to be experimented on so it will also give them the opportunity to choose whether or not they want to invest more time in you while you explore your sexuality.

 

P.S.... I agree with Batya completely; people are people and if you think you will avoid disappointment and heartbreak by dating women, you need a reality check.

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Would you like it if someone was dating you because he'd dated only women with certain hair color and been disappointed so he wanted to sample a woman with a different hair color? It's kind of like that -a negative way to approach this "oh well this entire gender proved to be a disappointment so I'll date her because she's female". That's a large part of your motivation and to me that's not a great way to start out a potential relationship.

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She may be exploring her sexuality too. Take it easy. Overthinking it or overthinking her wellbeing will make you more nervous and anxious. I'm sure all of this will come out eventually in your meetings and as you get to know one another.

 

Sure that's fine I was just noting her motivation in her generalization about being disappointed in men in general -so if that's partly a motivation that could be cause for concern. I think she should be open about her intentions to explore with anyone she meets who says she is gay or bi.

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Ok, however be upfront about this and that you are bi/exploring. Some people may be looking for someone who is pure lesbian and into long term monogamous relationships.

after 26 years of life and a lot of heartbreaks and disappointments with men in general, I decided to try dating women
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If she's still disappointed over her past and has troubles connecting with people or experiencing high distrust for others, she shouldn't be dating in the first place. That vibe will be felt regardless of what gender is involved. Most people who are healthy and stable will pick up on that. Things will take care of themselves.

 

Being clear about intentions are a good idea while dating. Over-explaining and running on about why she is the way she is or how confused she is or how badly she's been treated are all red flags to the other party. It also means she's insecure about who/what she is. Again, the situation will take care of itself.

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If she's still disappointed over her past and has troubles connecting with people or experiencing high distrust for others, she shouldn't be dating in the first place. That vibe will be felt regardless of what gender is involved. Most people who are healthy and stable will pick up on that. Things will take care of themselves.

 

Being clear about intentions are a good idea while dating. Over-explaining and running on about why she is the way she is or how confused she is or how badly she's been treated are all red flags to the other party. It also means she's insecure about who/what she is. Again, the situation will take care of itself.

 

Of course never suggested. But it's a simple sentence to avoid misleading a person just like a person who is looking for casual dating would tell that to a person looking for a serious relationship. I would not want to be the guinea pig in any sort of exploration including platonic friendships -been there, didn't like it. One time I think I was forewarned - the parents put out a personal ad for their son who was dating a woman they didn't approve of - I basically knew the deal before we met, I think, so I was ok with it. When I first started dating a serious boyfriend he told me he was just looking to practice dating -he was 22, fresh out of college and hadn't really traditionally dated just had relationships. I was fine with it and glad to know it from the outset. Simply explanations are all that is needed to treat another person with respect.

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Individuals who are looking to 'experiment' generally aren't looked on very favourably by the gay community. There's a very high likelihood, OP, your partner or the person you're dating will be able to pick up on this a mile away. If she/he can't, there's also a high likelihood that person is just as naive as you are. I wouldn't underestimate your date's ability to do this. That's all I'm saying. Be more confident in yourself and have faith in others and their abilities. I think hearing it come from you is part of being honest, genuine about yourself and enjoying your date's company.

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Individuals who are looking to 'experiment' generally aren't looked on very favourably by the gay community.

 

I really do NOT want to this. Like I really don't intend in using someone just to "see what I like". I would hate to have that done to me and I try to be empathetic as much as possible. I just am overall shy and nervous on how to act with this girl, you know? I do want to get to know her better and possibly date her but I just wanted to see some opnions on how to act around a woman, when I've never been around one before in an intimate way (like sex for example is something I would also put of because I'd have no idea what I'm doing and would not want to make a fool of myself, whereas with men I'm fully confident)

 

I think that's what I meant with this post, I really do feel like a teen so in a way it's silly to ask this but any kind of opnion is welcome. Not that I'm confused or anything it's just that I really wanted to know about first time lesbian experiences as this is new to me.

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I really do NOT want to this. Like I really don't intend in using someone just to "see what I like". I would hate to have that done to me and I try to be empathetic as much as possible. I just am overall shy and nervous on how to act with this girl, you know? I do want to get to know her better and possibly date her but I just wanted to see some opnions on how to act around a woman, when I've never been around one before in an intimate way (like sex for example is something I would also put of because I'd have no idea what I'm doing and would not want to make a fool of myself, whereas with men I'm fully confident)

 

I think that's what I meant with this post, I really do feel like a teen so in a way it's silly to ask this but any kind of opnion is welcome. Not that I'm confused or anything it's just that I really wanted to know about first time lesbian experiences as this is new to me.

 

Why not just go on dates without getting intimate or initiating intimacy? The framework will be that it's a date with potential for romance but simply put out of your mind getting sexual or physical and just go on a date and get to know the person in a date-like setting. If you click with this person then chances are any physical intimacy simply will occur naturally (and watch the movie Kissing Jessica Stein -awesome musical score for one thing and great movie on this topic)

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You're on the wrong forum. This crowd is largely heterosexual with a few bisexuals who are not regulars. It's not an appropriate venue. You are better off on a different forum and exploring your sexuality or ideas about what bisexual might mean to you in the long run. You are free to discuss your topic here but the responses will be coming from a largely heterosexual crowd. Just keep that in mind in case you do not receive the types of responses you are looking for.

 

My suggestion to you is to meet people and instead of speculating from an armchair, so to speak. Go out and meet people in your community and get to know others.

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Exploring another sexual orientation should not be a remedy for a few bad relationships or "bad luck with the opposite sex". If you had bad breakups or have fuzzy radar for choosing appropriate men, things won't be magically fixed by substituting a woman. It will just be a repeat. I don't think lesbian women want to be an "experiment" - reading this forum, they want out women. I would say maybe figure out how to be a better dater and be the right person vs looking for the right person. if you ultimately after that decide you want to date women, that's your right to do, but just a suggestion...

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