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4 dates and no kiss..what to do?


drivenfuture
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Been on 4 dates with a religious girl...and it's all out of whack.

1st date had my arm around her...but no kiss.

2nd date went awkward because essentially I broke my foot and couldn't walk.

3rd date literally nothing happened, I walked her to her door but just got the hug.

4th date was weird. I had my arm around her...she was stroking my chest, night came to a close...I went for a kiss...she said give her more time to get to know me.

Super frustrating...I respected it and said it's totally fine...but for me it really isn't fine. she texts me every day so I know she's interested.

What the heck do I do here? Or is she not as interested as I think?

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As you stated...she is a religious girl aka no sex until marriage. I grew up in an extremely religious home, I have 2 sisters; we are all very different. I, the oldest, am the rebellious black sheep that if I could get away with it in the moment, I did it. The middle sister is the one we refer to as "the golden child" she has never done anything wrong, married the first boy she dated and kissed and waited until her wedding night to have sex. She follows God's word to the letter and is extremely judgmental (I have a feeling it is this sister you are dating). Finally there is the youngest sister, she believes in God and being a good, kind, moral person, but likes to have fun and understands today's society. She isn't afraid to express who she is and doesn't deny herself what she wants within her beliefs. She will have a few drinks, kiss, have premarital sex with a serious bf.

 

This girl is interested in you, but you will be waiting a long time for that kiss and until your wedding night for anything more. If you can't wait, then she's not the woman for you.

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Are you trying to get laid or do you want a serious relationship?

 

Different people raised in different cultural circumstances, even the same circumstances, can have very different bars for physical intimacy. It is not fair to impose your expectations on your partner, especially as the guy. Either accept her pace, or peace out.

 

I have a friend I initially met on Tinder years ago, she is very pretty (mixed Chinese and Russian heritage) and gets a LOT of male attention. She declined to meet me a few times, even though we talked quite a lot, so I assumed that she just wanted a pen pal, or was too busy dating other guys and not actually that interested in me. We kept in touch though, and over time, I discovered that, for personal reasons I won't get into here, she simply had a policy of not meeting anyone until they have spoken online for 2 months+. (I have told her it is not a great strategy for catching great men, but she is stubborn if nothing else). I did meet her as a platonic friend a few times and I assure you she was no cat-fish, she is just extremely conservative when it comes to dating, not religious, but pretty much no sex until marriage. I am pretty sure she is still a virgin at 25. And you know what? Although that is too conservative even for me, she seems happy with her choice, so I respect her choice.

 

If you equate physical intimacy with "progress" in a relationship, then dating a religious girl is probably not going to work for you. For her, a kiss will mean a lot more than it will for you, sex even more so.

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If you are already frustrated, and you're not fine with no physical intimacy thus far, this isn't the person for you.

 

She operates by a different set of standards than you. What you are looking at is a fundamental incompatibility between you two that is going to make a relationship very strained.

 

I think you would be better off seeking out a girl whose set of values is more similar to your own.

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Give her time.

 

Respect what she asked. Not every woman you meet is ready to get intimate with someone they barely know. 4 dates is hardly anything.

 

If you really like her, then give her time. Concentrate more on romancing her. Flowers, notes, messages that let her know you really like her.

 

Allow her to go at her own pace.

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I have a friend I initially met on Tinder years ago, she is very pretty (mixed Chinese and Russian heritage) and gets a LOT of male attention. She declined to meet me a few times, even though we talked quite a lot, so I assumed that she just wanted a pen pal, or was too busy dating other guys and not actually that interested in me. We kept in touch though, and over time, I discovered that, for personal reasons I won't get into here, she simply had a policy of not meeting anyone until they have spoken online for 2 months+. (I have told her it is not a great strategy for catching great men, but she is stubborn if nothing else). I did meet her as a platonic friend a few times and I assure you she was no cat-fish, she is just extremely conservative when it comes to dating, not religious, but pretty much no sex until marriage. I am pretty sure she is still a virgin at 25. And you know what? Although that is too conservative even for me, she seems happy with her choice, so I respect her choice.

 

I find this interesting that it is perfectly acceptable for a woman not to want to meet a guy quickly, but based on many answers on this forum - mainly from the female responders - that if a guys wants to chat for a couple of weeks to get to know a girl before asking her our, he 'likely just wants to be a pen friend and you should look for someone more interested in taking you out'.

 

Another double standard of today's dating game.

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I find this interesting that it is perfectly acceptable for a woman not to want to meet a guy quickly, but based on many answers on this forum - mainly from the female responders - that if a guys wants to chat for a couple of weeks to get to know a girl before asking her our, he 'likely just wants to be a pen friend and you should look for someone more interested in taking you out'.

 

Another double standard of today's dating game.

 

What made you come up with that conclusion??

I have read and re read the above responses and can only assume you didn’t read the above responses?

 

Can you please quote the “many” female responders that gave you that idea??

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I find this interesting that it is perfectly acceptable for a woman not to want to meet a guy quickly, but based on many answers on this forum - mainly from the female responders - that if a guys wants to chat for a couple of weeks to get to know a girl before asking her our, he 'likely just wants to be a pen friend and you should look for someone more interested in taking you out'.

 

Another double standard of today's dating game.

 

I have never shied away from the fact that I believe men and women are different, with absolutely no implication of superiority or inferiority, just different. So yes, double standards do apply, and I don't think there is inherently anything wrong with it. The real world is not perfectly fair, why must it be, in this regard?

 

Also I did not say I personally find my friend's policy acceptable. In fact I have advised her on multiple occasions to drop it and it certainly ruined any chances we had. But I respect her choice, and as I say, she seems happier than the average 20-something pretty girl bouncing from one failed relationship to the next, so who am I to judge?

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Frankly, she's the one making the kiss out to be a milestone, not you. Four dates in and not so much as a smack on the lips, I'd wish her the best. Not understanding all the conflation with a peck = "jump in the sack." In this case, there's a very clear difference between reservation and aversion. Flip the script with a dude not wanting to kiss four dates in, "religious" or otherwise, and watch the double standards fly. She's entitled to your comfort zone. You're entitled to seek out a woman whose guard isn't going to be up for every baby step forward with regard to physical intimacy. Respect her wishes regardless.

Edited by j.man
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Religious girls don't believe in certain amount of dates to take relationship the next level.

 

Once she is comfortable with you. She might let you hold her hand.

 

My experience.

 

I know my friend for 20+ years. She really likes me and recently turned 40. I met her while in High school at age 16. 3 Years older than me.

 

She would rather be Virgin forever than go against her beliefs. I respect that. I don't want to get married again so I called the relationship off.

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a dude not wanting to kiss four dates in, "religious" or otherwise, and watch the double standards fly

 

Actually, I'd welcome it. A much nicer change over men who are too handsy and expecting some kind of intimacy so quickly.

 

I personally don't think 4 dates is long at all. And I also don't mind things going slow.

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So today she texts me, what am I doing. I flirt a little bit over text, say some joke or something, and mentioned I made homemade guacamole, and then got mad at me for not inviting her over to test it with me? ? I just invited her over before and she rejected it and she wont kiss on the 4th date but now is mad I didnt invite her, AGAIN, to my place even though shes already told me no.

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So today she texts me, what am I doing. I flirt a little bit over text, say some joke or something, and mentioned I made homemade guacamole, and then got mad at me for not inviting her over to test it with me? ? I just invited her over before and she rejected it and she wont kiss on the 4th date but now is mad I didnt invite her, AGAIN, to my place even though shes already told me no.

 

Lol!!

What a fun girl she is!!

She is more interested in guacamole than kissing.

 

Did she get mad or playfully mad?

 

If the former , what was your response?

 

In fairness to her though , just because she declined an invite to yours prior , doesn’t mean she will decline an invite forever more!

 

You had no plans to meet her that day, so your response was hopefully something along the lines of “next time , you come over , i will make some guacamole”, depending on her response , you could then reply “if it’s any good do I get a kiss ? “

And add a wink emoji.

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So today she texts me, what am I doing. I flirt a little bit over text, say some joke or something, and mentioned I made homemade guacamole, and then got mad at me for not inviting her over to test it with me? ? I just invited her over before and she rejected it and she wont kiss on the 4th date but now is mad I didn't invite her, AGAIN, to my place even though shes already told me no.

 

Lets drop all the physiological BS I've seen in so many responses to the OP. This "girl" (and she is a girl, based on her actions) is playing games with you. She is enjoying jerking you around.

 

Time to move on! :friendly_wink:

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I have a feeling she was being playful when she made the comment about you not inviting her over. You said that you were playfully flirting, that is how a lot of women playfully flirt, by playfully picking on you so they aren't actually putting themselves out there to be stomped all over. It sounds to me like you're taking everything she says/does far too seriously and not just enjoying the playfulness she's giving back. You need to relax and just enjoy the moment.

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It seems like an attempt at flirting. Does she know it's over? Do you plan on seeing her again?

So today she texts me, what am I doing. I flirt a little bit over text, say some joke or something, and mentioned I made homemade guacamole, and then got mad at me for not inviting her over to test it with me? ? I just invited her over before and she rejected it and she wont kiss on the 4th date but now is mad I didnt invite her, AGAIN, to my place even though shes already told me no.
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Get over it about no kiss on the fourth date...seriously.

 

If you're going to pressure this girl and make her feel bad over it and get upset yourself...then leave her be.

 

This is who she is, she goes at a slower pace. There is nothing wrong with it and it doesn't mean anything bad. Re-read that as many times as you need until it sinks in.

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