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I never followed up on my previous post. For anyone who was following it: i was definitely obsessed with an idea and the loss of good feelings for me. Makes me wonder about my question today 😜.


Matched with a woman, texted for about a week (a lot) until I returned from vacation. Went on 3 dates in about 10 days. All lasted a long time - lots of convo and even her giving many indications she's super interested. Even saying she's really happy we got together.

She then went out of town and got very busy but still kept up with talking now and then. Sent a text last week wishing her luck on a big test, still responsive. Asked how it went after bit no response. No biggie. Sent another asking how things are going a couple days ago, still nothing.


Based on how things have developed this is quite literally 100 to 0. There was no slow fade.


I feel most answers will say back off, keep dating, and wait to hear. Maybe follow up in a couple weeks if I don't hear anything.


However, even given my disclaimer above, I'd like to ask her out for this weekend and let her know I've enjoyed her company more than eith anyone in a long time. (It's true!) and if she's not interested, cool.


Oh, she also had "looking for something casual" in her profile. How casual is casual? Literally it has been just hot for 3 weeks straight.


I've been dating a lot a lot, still am, and would just like to know..not play any games and somehow convey that I'm not trying to pressure or put more weight on things. Or does simply asking put more weight on it?


Why it so difficult??? Cause it's not meant to be, ha.


Thanks guys

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Casual means it's casual in the sense that there are no heavy explanations required if things fizzle out and it also means that if things do lapse or there's a period in time when things are not as communicative or you don't see each other much it shouldn't be a big deal. If this isn't the set up you are looking for, casual is not for you. What you're looking for is a more steady connection with all the signs and foundations of long term commitment.


It's only difficult if you're not reading the situation correctly or if you don't know what you want.

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I think the polite thing to do is respond but if that person does not want to, there is no obligation to. She may have done poorly as a result of being distracted dating and her results are reflecting a poor choice in time spent. This might have very little to do with you as a person/your charisma and also how much a time or availability a person has in their life.

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What a perfect description of "casual" from Rose.


To answer your question about it being "too much" to ask for a response—well, yes and no. "No" meaning it's not "too much" to want or expect a response, as it's the decent human thing, but "yes" meaning it's too much to keep pressing in order to get a response. You can't extract your terms of decency from someone who has different terms.


You say there was "no slow fade," yet what you're describing this past week is the very definition of a slow fade. You wrote her three times and she did not respond. That is, in ways, a very clear response: not the most graceful, but it's very clear information.


The "casual" response to all that is to basically not really care—which is not for everyone. Sounds, as Rose said, that you're looking for something different. I say keep celebrating that in yourself, and look for someone on the same page, rather than try to extract something from this (or out of yourself) that's not actually there to be extracted.

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Let her be, I think. She might come around later. I wouldn't wait around for her. Her profile seemed clear enough. It's up to you to know what you're looking for. Now you know what casual means, you are hopefully more able to discern differences between yourself and others. The worst thing you can do is ignore what another person is. Be very frank with yourself. Enjoy meeting new people.

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I mean, you can label it however you'd like. Personally, I think reaching for the "ghost" label is a bit much. Save that, maybe, for the woman you're sleeping with for two months who then goes completely dark. This is a woman you've met three times who is just being "casual," but who was up front, in her profile, about being in exactly that headspace. Maybe she comes around, maybe she doesn't—all good. That is "something casual," which is exactly how she advertised herself.


If the bottle says "Pepsi," but what you want is "Pinot Noir," you can't change the contents by furiously sipping, you know? You put down the soft drink and head to the wine shop, where there is a whole aisle dedicated only to various Pinot Noirs.

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I agree with the others. And I wouldn't think of it as "waiting" for a response. Nothing to wait for. Unless there's a time/date place planned there is no next date. Nothing to wait for. If she wants to see you again she'll reach out and at that time you can decide whether you're interested in a casual dating arrangement with her.

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Pay attention to in person dynamics, not dating profile headlines. Ask her out specifically for a day this weekend. If there is no or maybe or whatever you'll have all your answers and know what to do next. Do not go into the 'more than anyone in a long time' thing. Sounds desperate. Keep in mind there is nothing exclusive at three dates so she may have met someone. Speculating on the semantics of casual or sizzle and fizzle etc does not do as much good as simply asking her out and getting clear cut determinations on that.

Went on 3 dates in about 10 days.

Based on how things have developed this is quite literally 100 to 0.

I'd like to ask her out for this weekend

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The other thing I'll say, per your last thread and intro to this one, is that it might be worth reflecting on what seems to be a slight pattern: your interest skyrocketing when someone shows waning interest.


None of this is a science, I get it. People intrigue us, we start nursing hopes, feeling feelings, and all that can't be turned off. Neither can we ever fully turn off that basic part of our human selves that always kind of wants what we can't have. But, depending on our own personal emotional states, there is a certain way in which we can feel "bigger" feelings when it's connected to something that isn't real, or available.


When I was just getting back into dating, for instance, I met up with some people who were "looking for something casual." Because I was too—was all I could handle. And I had some casual fun. Once I knew I wanted more—as you outlined in your last thread—the word "casual" was just an automatic leftward swipe, no different than someone saying "vegan's only." I'm not a vegan, not interested in becoming one or seeing if I can get a vegan to share a steak or be cool with me eating a steak while she eats lentils.


Anyhow, stuff to think about, or not, as you see fit.

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Ask her out specifically for a day this weekend. If there is no or maybe or whatever you'll have all your answers and know what to do next. Speculating on the semantics of casual or sizzle and fizzle etc does not do as much good as simply asking her out and getting clear cut determinations on that.


This is also good advice, in terms of general dating.


Like, in your shoes? I'd probably have sent a little something, like you did, about the test. If after no response, I still wanted to feel things out—well, that's when I'd be direct. "Hope you're well—drink this weekend?" It's not loaded, but it removes the hedging and nudging and the potential of coming across like a skittish dude trying to "feel out" if someone is interested. She'll say yes, or no, or nothing—and then you have real information. You're either meeting that weekend for a drink, or letting something go to make room for what's next. Both of those are wins.

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Sorry to hear this . Yeah the "busy, so busy, too busy, crazy busy" thing is a "no". People are still meeting others in the beginning and unfortunately this type of thing happens all the time. Now you can delete, block and move forward.

She has a lot going on right now. Work and personal and can't see me anymore.
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