myalien Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 Hi, Some years back after a hard breakup I dabbled in online dating. Never met anyone in person through it, although I ended up with a online friendship with one guy. I was very curious about him, something about him, he was like a puzzle that I wanted to solve. Not sure why he decided not to persue it further, but at the time I started seeing someone irl, so I was ok when he suggested we could be friends. Wasn't sure if he meant it, or if it was supposed to be an easy let down like some guys do. Lost track of each other for about 4 years, until I got a friend request from him a month ago. I have thought of him off and on over the years. I am happy to have him on my friends list. He's funny and smart. I feel just as compelled and magnetized as I did then. Two issues: I am with the guy I had started seeing back then, although I've been going back and forth about ending that relationship because I want to move but he has to stay with his mom and his small business is just as small as when we met so I have concerns about financial stability and I don't want to live in that house OR marry and live in separate homes. The relationship is so close to right in many ways and I don't want to hurt him by ending it, although I might need to... Second, even if I did end my current relationship, I don't want to just jump into another right away, doesn't seem smart or respectful. ...Even if the other party was interested in exploring if anything had changed. I have no particular reason to think that he has any interest in trying again. Why do I feel this magnetic pull to someone I've never met in person? What is this desire to understand him? What about him is the mystery that needs solving? It was mostly dormant for 4 years and now it's back. I've never been in his presence, so it's nothing to do with pheromones. There is some level of physical curiosity, but not just that. I know he is still single and presumably he will find someone eventually, but no lie, if nothing else notable changes I will be jealous that someone else is getting his attention. I am still surprised that I got the friend request. We have no mutual friends, I didn't supply my phone number to fb, and it had been years since we last talked or had any contact. Why this intense curiosity? It existed before. Most likely this stays at attraction level. Not going to flirt and potentially lead him on. Why do I feel this way towards him?! Could getting to know him better make it stop? Like if I learned something really unattractive about him? Link to comment
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