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Who Should Pay for the Ticket?


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Hello Everyone,

 

I am new here and this is my first post. I have been talking to someone who lives in another state. We have been talking for a few years. We are not in a relationship but we have both said we are interested once in person. Well, I could say a lot more about it. However, my question right now is about purchasing a ticket to see each other. He is wanting to travel here but said he will once he has the money. He has asked me if I can help pay for the airplane or bus ticket. I told him I am unable to right now. I don't want to give him money for everything, but is this different? Should I make an exception for this and pay for the ticket? Should I offer to help pay for the ticket so that we can meet in person?

 

Thank you very much to anyone who responds.

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Sorry to say but this sounds like a scammer. Stop communicating asap. Read up on romance scams just like this: https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-you-need-know-about-romance-scams

I have been talking to someone who lives in another state. We have been talking for a few years.

 

He is wanting to travel here but said he will once he has the money. He has asked me if I can help pay for the airplane or bus ticket. .

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LDR's only work when both people can afford to travel to see each other regularly.

 

In your case, you don't even have a relationship as you recognize. If he can't afford to travel, then he shouldn't be traveling. He most definitely shouldn't be asking you for money. That's just wrong on so many levels. You shouldn't be offering or paying for his trip. Also, where will he be staying if he can't even afford the ticket to get there???? I hope not with you.

 

The problem with talking long distance is that it may seem like you really know the person and like you've really bonded, but in reality you only know whatever stories they've told you and you have no idea if they are true. You don't know who this guy really is, you just feel like you know and there is a difference there. You should actually treat him like any stranger - if he wants to come, he needs to make his own arrangements and you need to meet him strictly in public, do not bring him to your home. It takes face to face time to actually get to know someone and you cannot sidestep that, no matter how much modern tech creates this illusion of closeness and knowledge.

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I agree with the others. It looks bad on him, unfortunately. And please don't let him stay with you as DF mentioned. It'd be foolish and unsafe to let a stranger into your home like that.

 

Also, why have you been speaking for so long with someone whom you're romantically interested in via long distance? I'm curious why you'd be open to this type of limbo.

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Thank you very much for your responses. It helped me remember that he is still a stranger. I am being careful and we will be meeting in a public place. He said he wants to travel to my location to move here. He did ask to stay with me but that is not something I feel comfortable with. We have skyped as well.

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For me, if they put the effort and money into visiting me, they're my guest and get to keep their wallet in their pocket / purse during the stay. But that's for family or an actual friend I've known and loved for quite awhile, not someone I'd never actually met before. About the only way you could do it where it isn't very potentially awkward and is equitable is if he comes to your city to travel / see the city first and foremost, especially if he's allegedly looking to move there anyhow. Zero reason for you to be fronting traveling money for his personal interests. Meet for lunch while he happens to be there. That's about the extent to which I'd even consider volunteering upfront to pay for something. Then you either click well enough to share some dinners or you don't. Don't put yourself in a position to feel beholden to host or entertain him. If he's a respectful adult, he wouldn't do his part to put you in that kind of position.

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Thank you very much for your responses. It helped me remember that he is still a stranger. I am being careful and we will be meeting in a public place. He said he wants to travel to my location to move here. He did ask to stay with me but that is not something I feel comfortable with. We have skyped as well.

 

Yeash.....this really sounds like a guy angling to land in a soft place, aka your home while you pay his bills rather than someone genuinely moving to your area because of a more rational reason like work.

 

If he had a job to move to, he'd have money to travel, move, get his own place, etc. Even so, when someone is new in the area, dating can be iffy as they are busy with new job, meeting new people, going out socializing and building a new local life. It takes awhile for people to settle in and be ready for something serious.

 

Sorry, but him asking for money and the whole vague moving to your area in combination stinks like a rotten fish.

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Please read up on romance scams on the government I posted site above. This has all the signs. It doesn't matter how long he's been grooming you to start asking for money, accommodations, making up stories about moving there etc.

He said he wants to travel to my location to move here. He did ask to stay with me but that is not something I feel comfortable with. We have skyped as well.
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Thank you very much for your responses. It helped me remember that he is still a stranger. I am being careful and we will be meeting in a public place. He said he wants to travel to my location to move here. He did ask to stay with me but that is not something I feel comfortable with. We have skyped as well.

 

Do NOT pay for his ticket! Do NOT let him stay with you. He is still a stranger, you really have to remember that. You dont know him, you only know what he's told you which may or may not be true. People lie, people scam. You could give him money and then never hear from him again.

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NEVER give money to a stranger because you'll never see your money again! He'll take the money and run OR leech onto you as "Miss Money Bags" all the time. Why bother being with someone who is broke as a joke?

 

You certainly can do better.

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I did OLD for several years. 9 out of 10 times, when I'd meet up with someone, one or both of us didn't share chemistry, or their personality had red flags. That's why I only dated locally, so that I'd never be out more than the cost of a cup of coffee if it didn't go to a second date or longer.

 

If he actually moved to your city just to see if dating you worked, you might not realize it now, but it would put severe pressure on your psyche, like you'd think, "OMG, he moved all the way over here and I'm not feeling it. How am I ever going to break up with him when he made that sacrifice for us?"

 

In my mind, people who aren't really ready for a real relationship pick the hardest way possible. Examine why you've spent all this time and attention on an unknown, when you could be using your precious time to date locally. Try Meetup.com as an avenue that might get you better results in the dating world.

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Hun, if you have been talking to this guy for a few years and nothing has materialized to a real relationship, you need to close this chapter.

 

I get it that he throws this handsome idea about you both can be in a relationship when he moves in with you, but if he was serious, that would've happened long time ago.

 

Whatever his intentions may be, you need to not give him money or a place.

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If a grown adult isn't responsible enough to earn the money to visit your town, then why would you even consider dealing with this person?

 

Raise your standards. Use a dating app to set up local quick meets with real people who make their own money, and skip the fantasy stuff with strangers on the Internet who want your money.

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If he pays to visit you, you should pay for everything once he’s here. And then you should pay for yourself to visit him. If he was always visiting, then you should pay half the time.

 

She hasn't even met this guy. I don't think she should be paying for everything. Plus, he is coming to check out the town for work, not to see her.

 

OP, he sounds a total mooch and loser. Block and delete him.

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She hasn't even met this guy. I don't think she should be paying for everything. Plus, he is coming to check out the town for work, not to see her.

 

OP, he sounds a total mooch and loser. Block and delete him.

 

I agree. I never said she should pay his initial flight. But if he DOES come visit for her, she should pay for something.

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