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I started writing my diary and realized what scum I really am


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I have always believed I am not good enough for my partner: writing in my diary today made me realize I am such a piece of . It's bad enough that I am extremely dumb and ugly and suffer from anxiety. Now he knows I am a too, after the way I snapped at him a few days ago. Why can't I just die? Who will miss me anyway? I am a fat slob whom no one will love. He is the one person who truly loved me, now I have pushed him away too. No one will ever love me again. I am better off dead so that I do not punish anyone.

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Putter there is none so judgemental as ourselves ...about ourselves and once we don't love who we are there is nowhere to go .

 

The incident with your b/friend is not worth all this my love , truly it's not . You are letting yourself go down a slippery slope , he loves you , you love him , you don't have to be this riddled with guilt , it wasn't that big-a-deal I promise you .

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I have always believed I am not good enough for my partner: writing in my diary today made me realize I am such a piece of . It's bad enough that I am extremely dumb and ugly and suffer from anxiety. Now he knows I am a too, after the way I snapped at him a few days ago. Why can't I just die? Who will miss me anyway? I am a fat slob whom no one will love. He is the one person who truly loved me, now I have pushed him away too. No one will ever love me again. I am better off dead so that I do not punish anyone.

 

You were fine a few days ago in your other thread... If you are seriously thinking of suicide or feel you may be suffering with depression or depressive/negative thoughts, please definitely do not be afraid to speak with a counsellor or someone you can trust.

 

It may not be a bad thing either to take a look at whether this relationship is good for you. Sometimes it takes a big leap of faith seeing things from the other side. If you don't feel good in this relationship, for example, please look at things differently! Don't stay stuck in any situation that doesn't make you feel good overall.

 

I've found diary writing or journalling to be useful up to an extent. If you find your thoughts spiraling continuously into a venting spree and completely negative I think you may be using it wrongly or it's indicative that you need outside help (from someone trained to help with your moods and thoughts). I would really look at that relationship of yours. Those feelings of inadequacy are very disturbing. You shouldn't have to feel that way around anyone.

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