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One year post breakup, feelings


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So it’s been little over a year since my breakup and I thought I’d post a little thoughts on how I feel about my ex, the situation and how I feel about it all.

 

Over time I’ve came to the conclusion that I don’t blame her for breaking up with me. She only did what she needed to do to make her life better. Of course how she handled the financial split by not keeping her promises did upset me but in the end I still look at her very favorably.

 

I found out that she did and insurance scam and scammed me out of a 1,100$. I texted her about it 3 months ago(first contact in 6-7months) about it. I know I came off as a complete by threatening small claims court but I honestly didn’t know how to handle the situation. I was only interested in the money by which I had proof from multiple people that she had screwed me over. She insisted it was all a mistake and that all these people from the company are lying but I know she was lying. She said she would fax me proof of what she was saying was the truth, I told her to text me a photo but she never did, so I just let it go.

 

A month later she text my mom threatening to take me to court over the 1,100$(value of phone) that I paid for. This reason was because I didn’t pay a month on another loan(value) 400$ because I was mad that she screwed me over. I realized that it was stupid for me to do that so I paid it but my credit card didn’t go through because of an error, which caused my and her credit to drop SIGNIFICANTLY idk about hers for sure but mine did. It was a pure mistake on my part which I suffered for and I didn’t realize it until a month after I thought I paid it. TO BE CLEAR IT WASNT ON PURPOSE FOR ME TO MAKE OUR CREDIT DROP OR TO GET REVENGE. It was anger that turned into a mistake by accidentally typing the wrong number on a credit card. I realized quickly that it was stupid to sacrifice my own credit to get some meaningless revenge in which I got over quick. Company doesnt notify if payment fails FYI.

 

She brung up our relationship, I assume to hurt me because she said some things like how much she didn’t care about me and how she hoped I’d burn in hell and a whole lot more things, i made myself out to be immune to this by sticking up to it. I said things I didn’t mean like idc about you or what your doing in your life. She told me about how she fell out of love for me way before she left me.

 

It wasn’t my intention to let it go that far, but I felt the need to stick up to someone who was actively planning to do things to try an hurt me. I ended up letting it all go anyway which made me regret ever contacting her in the first place. 100% it was about the phone/money to me and not about the relationship. I didn’t tell her anything about my life and I know nothing of what she’s doing in hers. She did tell me during a long text message telling me how good she’s doing since leaving me but it also included how horrible of a person I am.

 

It sucks because I do care about her, months ago I thought at this moment now I’d be over her and not thinking about her but I still think about her everyday, of course not as much or enough to text her or look her up online. I’m starting to realize I’ll never fully stop thinking about her. I still do love her and I think I’ll always will but it’s not the same. I miss things about her that I can imagine like it was yesterday but at the same time it feels like it’s been forever from the emptiness I feel about it.

 

I feel like I have my identity now and I feel like I’m on track to a better life, but it’s weird because I still hurt about it and it feels good kinda. I’m glad I still hurt in someways because It shows me that I did care about her way more than I thought and that I do love her. It’s completely unconditional and I say that fully expecting to never see or hear from her again.

 

I wish I could’ve been truthful and told her the truth of how sorry I am for the way I treated her and how I really do hope she is happy but I couldn’t because it just wasn’t right, the situation wasn’t right, she still hated me I know she probably always will so I had to protect myself from the hurtful things she told me. She clearly doesn’t care and I didn’t wanna be that guy professing my thoughts to a girl who just didn’t care, or have them misinterpreted for someone who can’t move on. I just don’t know her now but I still care and that’ll never change.

 

Over time I realize that she hates me most probably because I made her feel like she deserved the treatment I gave to her, that maybe she was at fault for my horrible actions. She didn’t deserve that, no one who says “I love you” to someone deserves to feel like that. So many things I wanna say to her but I just tell them to myself sometimes because I pretty sure I won’t ever be able to tell them to her.

 

In the current day I think that I’m different, I know what it’s like to love so much and get your heart ripped out and I think there’s some beauty I that(of course it would be better without the heartache that comes after). Life went on and it goes on I’m trying to do the best I can in it.

 

I want a relationship of course, but I’m not ready rn work, living situation, etc. I stress so much that I won’t find someone to love who I wanna be with and that I’ll be lonely forever. It scares the crap outta me, but maybe someday it’ll happen and if it does it’ll be different and it’ll all be because of her and the people I’ve met since.

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I found out that she did and insurance scam and scammed me out of a 1,100$.

 

A month later she text my mom threatening to take me to court over the 1,100$(value of phone) that I paid for. This reason was because I didn’t pay a month on another loan(value) 400$ because I was mad that she screwed me over. I realized that it was stupid for me to do that so I paid it but my credit card didn’t go through because of an error, which caused my and her credit to drop SIGNIFICANTLY idk about hers for sure but mine did. It was a pure mistake on my part which I suffered for and I didn’t realize it until a month after I thought I paid it. TO BE CLEAR IT WASNT ON PURPOSE FOR ME TO MAKE OUR CREDIT DROP OR TO GET REVENGE. It was anger that turned into a mistake by accidentally typing the wrong number on a credit card. I realized quickly that it was stupid to sacrifice my own credit to get some meaningless revenge in which I got over quick. Company doesnt notify if payment fails FYI.

.

 

I find it difficult to believe how you are out of pocket because of her insurance scam??

Surely it’s the insurance company out of pocket , not you? And why 9 months later you come to realise of $1100 loss???

 

What was the $400 loan payment for? Something with both your names on? But whose responsibility to pay?

 

You say it was not out of revenge but you contradict yourself? The intent was there! You said so yourself.

 

No it’s not up to a company to notify of you of your money keeping. It’s up to them to recover money owed when they check their accounts.

 

Why did you not notice that you had an extra $400 in your account??

 

Please, don’t make this all about money when you don’t keep check on your bank account and don’t notice $1100 missing or $400 extra!!

 

???

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