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New Girlfriend have sex with two guys


billkuyp
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I have been dating a women for several weeks for what seems to be a perfect match for me.

The other night on a phone conversation she stated that in her past she had a continuing relationship with two football players where they all had sex together at the same time.

Her tone was one of delight and excitement...and she even asked if I wanted to hear the details, which I promptly declined.

 

This is really bothering me, at I wouldn't even want to watch a porno of two guys with one woman.

Kept me up all night it bothered me so...

 

I am at a crossroads...Should I be afraid that she will want this in the future?

This is a action I am morally and emotionally against, if not repulsed...should I continue with this relationship or just kindly bow out?

 

What's more, during the same conversation she stated she had many friends/couples when she was married that wanted to swing with them, which she said she was strongly against. I totally agree.

 

I am not a prude, for sure, but isn't two guys having sex with one girl no different than a mini-orgy.

I mean, if I am so freaked out by this, can I go forward?

 

Would appreciate any advice and direction from guys and gals...Thanks...:D

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You have dated two weeks and you think she is the "perfect match?" If someone told me that, it would be a big, red flag. You don't know this woman.

 

To answer your question, it would be a big problem that she did it, and more importantly that she is sharing it! Weird!

 

Slow your roll with people!

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So, it's only been a few weeks and you just discovered some serious deal breakers and major values and lifestyle incompatibilities. Be happy it came out so soon and move on. This is literally the point of dating - weeding out people who are not your match and she is clearly not your match.

 

Plenty of attractive girls out there who actually share your relationship values. Don't settle for less and continuing to date this chic would be exactly that - settling for much much less. Besides, it will eat at you and will become toxic.

 

Mind you I'm not passing judgment on her or you. Neither one of you is wrong or a bad person or whatever. My point is that you two are way too different to get along well in a long term relationship. Quite literally not compatible. When that happens it's better to own that fact and part ways fast, before things get miserable for both of you.

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OP, by "perfect match" are you saying ... in the cot?

 

Sounds like she needs a little more than that. Is that what you want?

 

To have to share your lover with another person to ensure they are satisfied?

 

I am not such a prude that I cannot understand that there is something about this that will be exciting to some of us.

 

Nor would I preach this way or that.

 

But this lady is telling you this so you know the sort of physical sex life she needs.

 

If this beyond your boundaries, you should respect her honesty and let her know.

 

If you think you can go with her on this, do it!

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It sounds like you're really not into these things at all and they really put you off. So yeah if this is what she likes sexually then I don't think you are right for each other. But can I just say that everyone has their own fetishes. I'm bisexual and I'm into threesomes and orgies and I've had two guys do it to me at the same time. I still want marriage and kids and I wouldn't do it then. But my previous partners were into it too, so we did it. I mean it's just personal choice. Some people are into golden showers, torture, whatever (I'm not). It is totally fine if you don't like it but she's allowed to like those things. It just sounds like you're wrong for each other.

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I have been dating a women for several weeks for what seems to be a perfect match for me.

The other night on a phone conversation she stated that in her past she had a continuing relationship with two football players where they all had sex together at the same time.

Her tone was one of delight and excitement...and she even asked if I wanted to hear the details, which I promptly declined.

 

This is really bothering me, at I wouldn't even want to watch a porno of two guys with one woman.

Kept me up all night it bothered me so...

 

I am at a crossroads...Should I be afraid that she will want this in the future?

This is a action I am morally and emotionally against, if not repulsed...should I continue with this relationship or just kindly bow out?

 

What's more, during the same conversation she stated she had many friends/couples when she was married that wanted to swing with them, which she said she was strongly against. I totally agree.

 

I am not a prude, for sure, but isn't two guys having sex with one girl no different than a mini-orgy.

I mean, if I am so freaked out by this, can I go forward?

 

Would appreciate any advice and direction from guys and gals...Thanks...:D

 

This is something you should be speaking about together. If you are interested in her, describing her as your "perfect match", she likely has other redeeming qualities and traits that you look for in a partner. How a person conducts themselves outside of a committed relationship may be different within. Don't make broad generations, do not speculate and don't get anxious over this. Take deep breaths and approach this in a civil manner with her. There is no reason to be rude about it or come across as a prude (I'm sure you are not one). It seems like you've not encountered something like this before and the unfamiliarity is doing your head in. Just as you are looking for respect and the time of day, give her the same. Make your decision after you speak about it together.

 

Her asking you about the details is unnecessary. That is the only glaring issue to me. It's someone who is either a minority in the way she expresses herself (extreme extroversion and sharing/openness), she's mentally unhinged (not in the right frame of mind for dating monogamously) or there's been a misunderstanding between the both of you. You only know each other for a few weeks. Start getting to know each others' boundaries and limits.

 

You may not even want to find out more about her. That too is perfectly ok. I'd pay attention her (what she's saying) and your emotions and your own thoughts. Don't blow things out of proportion. There is nothing to fear. Just know yourself and your own limits and how you want to spend your time.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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Issue for me isn't that she had this threesome "relationship" in the past. Never was in the position myself, but if I'd gotten that kind of proposition from two attractive women in my early 20s... can't imagine I'd say no.

 

But whether she's just ****in' weird bringing up her sexcepades for kicks or, more likely, she's feeling you out to see if you'd ever be interested in ever finding a guy to team up in bed with her, it'd be a pretty quick and easy no-go for me.

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Issue for me isn't that she had this threesome "relationship" in the past. Never was in the position myself, but if I'd gotten that kind of proposition from two attractive women in my early 20s... can't imagine I'd say no.

 

But whether she's just ****in' weird bringing up her sexcepades for kicks or, more likely, she's feeling you out to see if you'd ever be interested in ever finding a guy to team up in bed with her, it'd be a pretty quick and easy no-go for me.

 

Eh, when people tell their dates these kinds of things, it's a straight up "this is who I am, this is what I'm into, are you into the same?" Not a first date conversation, but a few dates in, fair and necessary disclosure.

 

If you are a match that way, great. If you are not, no harm, no foul - shake hands and part ways.

 

The only wrong path here is to pretend that you are cool with that lifestyle when you are not.

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Agree. Sexuality is like sushi. You either like, love something or not, it's not about politically correct or "embracing lifestyles". That is fine outside of your bedroom, but in your own bed you make your own likes and dislikes your own.

E

The only wrong path here is to pretend that you are cool with that lifestyle when you are not.

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Eh, when people tell their dates these kinds of things, it's a straight up "this is who I am, this is what I'm into, are you into the same?" Not a first date conversation, but a few dates in, fair and necessary disclosure.

 

If you are a match that way, great. If you are not, no harm, no foul - shake hands and part ways.

 

The only wrong path here is to pretend that you are cool with that lifestyle when you are not.

Her tone was one of delight and excitement...and she even asked if I wanted to hear the details, which I promptly declined.
That goes well beyond a disclaimer of "I like threesomes and threesomes like me." It's at best an awkward way to broach the subject even if it is your lifestyle. I would assume someone open to threesomes is interested in their own threesomes, not listening to who went first between the linebacker and the running back. Just as I never assumed monogamous women I dated were interested in the details of my sexual encounters.

 

If whether a guy is willing to sit there and listen to her play out her threesome experience is her barometer for whether they'd really accept her or entertain the option, it's a pretty strange flex. She's not a bad person, but it's certainly weird.

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For me , I would have more of a problem with the fact that she so readily narrated her sex life before meeting you and had no problem with offering to divulge all the details . That for me is more of a deal breaker then the threesome . I would now be on my guard incase she had a loose tongue again and ploughed out more information . So for one I would be very clear I don't ever want a running commentry of her sex life .

 

For me ..( and I stress the * for me * bit ) meeting someone who had had a threesome is neither here nor there , but again , I would be very clear that it is not my deal before we go any further .

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Talk about unrefined and uncouth. Most of us keep details under the cuff and expand on details as we get to know each other, whether it be the reasons for breakup, divorce, past relationships, past jobs, past friends, etc. This girl seems rather unraveled and attention-seeking. Maybe she just wants to "lay it all out there" and see if you are interested in such sexual encounters, but it really rubs me the wrong way that she asked you if you wanted to know all the details. She volunteered in some voyeuristic way. She didn't simply tell you that this is her "thing" and she would like to participate in such encounters in the future, she wanted to give you a play-by-play within a two-week time frame of knowing her.

 

It comes across as rather immature, uncouth, and attention-seeking, and even removing the sexual aspect of this, despite her redeeming qualities that make you think she's "the one," this is just a tiny chip off the iceberg of messy behaviors in all areas of life; no boundaries and acting out. Add to that, you are not remotely interested in this type of sexual relationship with threesomes or swinging or what have you, so you were rather blindsided by this factoid, but now you're expected to hear all the details?? Like some juicy gossip?

 

If it was a one-time, maybe twice, past experience and "experimenting" or what have you, you may or may not be able to let it go and move forward. It sounds like she wants to continue with this type of openness, and it doesn't jive at all with your own morals and values and likes/dislikes.

 

I'm sorry. I know it hurts, but this girl is messy. You do not align. You've barely dated at all, after two short weeks. It's easy to have these loving feelings when everything is brand new and sparkly, but you are seeing the hidden underbelly, underneath the glossy exterior, that isn't working, and as hurtful as it is, it's good that it is happening now instead of weeks or months from now.

 

I suspect this girl will dump you faster than a box of hot rocks when you don't cater to listening to her detailed play-by-play of her exploits and you try to create boundaries. She does not sound like a keeper to me.

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Ive actually been through something similar like this. I was dating a girl i kind of was attracted too, and fouond out about her history. Was twoing and throwing about whether to get in a relationship with her.

 

I finally took the leap, it lasted a year, she dumped me and all i could think about is comparing myself to her sexual partners even when i was no longer with her.

 

I took it as if she left me because i wasnt good enough as other guys. So there you have it.

 

I would be very careful, maybe even consider its not worth wasting your time. You will always be hung up on it. Its a guy thing i think.

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It wouldn't be my thing and I can absolutely see how you are shocked by it - but the part that is most discouraging to me is that you are saying she was excited to tell you and asked if you wanted to know the details? What was the context of this? Were you two openly sharing your past relationships and sordid details and it came up or was this something that came out of the blue? (If so, then that'll learn ya... lol)

 

If you were openly discussing your past sexual experiences - you also mention you two had spoken about her previous marriage and other couples wanting to 'swing' .. how did that even come up? - than we can't blame her for being open about herself and her past and she'd likely feel ashamed to know something you may have inadvertently made her feel comfortable revealing about her past is making you second-guess your budding romance if you made it where she felt it would be safe to reveal to you.

 

For instance, I have a good female friend and she and I have discussed - in detail - comedic or fun sexual experiences; if anything she told me was to make me feel different about her, than that s#it's on me because I literally made her feel safe to talk openly about anything that she normally would keep to herself out of respect/fear of judgement for things she cannot change.

 

Plenty of people have done things in their pasts they wouldn't do in their present so this one really boils down to who she is now not who she was then. What is her personality? what has she told you she wants in a partner? Where does she want to go with this? - it's pretty early on to tell, but you likely have some idea and if she seems on the level for what you are looking for, than why let the past ruin the present? It should be addressed, but if she's someone you want to be with don't shame her for events she cannot control in the present because she felt comfortable telling you about.

 

For all you know, she doesn't tell anyone about that and believes she can trust you to see it for what it was - an accepted part of a previous self.

 

Would you rather date someone who accepts their weird past or someone who harbors a deep, personal resentment and disgust in themselves at their past? Because I can tell you right now, the latter is far more toxic to any successful future relationship than the former. So this all comes down to the context of the discussion in which she told you this information.

 

........... But - if your new girlfriend is just out-of-the-blue dropping her past sexual experiences onto you without you wanting to hear it, that's rather bizarre and should be a red-flag and she's totally an a$$ if she's dropping these details on you without your inquiry or consent. If that's the case, I agree with the rest, that's weird and needs to be addressed - likely not the person you've been waiting for.

Edited by RyanMI
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I don't think it's fair to say that something is wrong with her, she's weird and "drop her like a bad habit". I actually find it a bit sexist that some people here are speaking about her like that just because she likes threesomes. In my experience, a large number of men want a threesome with two women and nobody says that's weird! That's a bit of a double standard!

 

People can have different fetishes and I would consider having a threesome to be reasonably tame. My close male friend has a diaper fetish and yeah maybe that seems weird but whatever, to each their own.

 

If you don't want to do these things OP then absolutely you should break up with her. Nobody should have to do sexual things they don't want. However it is nobody's place to judge this woman just because of her sexual interests.

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