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Ex wants a second chance and I want to make sure I'm thinking straight


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Me (23F) and my now ex- bf (23M) of 5 years broke up because he needed time to grow and learn how to be happy on his own and he didn’t have the time or his heart in our relationship? We never had any problems the last 4 years even through long distance for 2 ½ years while I was away at college. Anyway he joined amway WWDB this past yearish and things changed he was mad I wouldn’t join, said we didn't have the same goals, he didn't have time for me (not even an hour a week), and he needed time to grow his business with everything he had.


He has had a tough life taking care of his family by himself so I understood. He has been financially supporting his mother and siblings since he was sixteen so he gets extremely overwhelmed I know that but we have never broken up before so I just figured it was the stress of Amway and family. He swore he wasn’t looking for anyone else because he wanted to marry me and he just needed the time to work on his business and grow as an individual and I swore I wasn’t looking for anyone else I figured he just needed time to breathe because he was going through a lot.


After we broke up we were still texting each other with long ass paragraphs but during that time he did some pretty shady things like deleting our pictures on social media when he would go out, blocking me and my family from seeing his stories even when he wasn’t even posting anything bad? Then I saw him at the gym and he legit looked at me and walked out. I helped his best friend set up his proposal (because he asked) and I had to leave because he would feel kind of awkward taking pictures while I was there again I was heartbroken but I understood it wasn’t my day and those weren’t my friends so I left. Finally, I told him I think it’s best we do no contact so he can really work on himself I told him I wasn’t done with him I just thought he needed more time to himself than he thought and because it hurt trying to be friends when he was treating me like crap and I was being more than understanding with him.


He was kind of upset about it but he agreed I switched gyms, I stopped going to the places we used to see each other. Then about three months later he messaged me saying he wanted to talk. He told me he made a mistake he missed me and he was sorry. We went to dinner and a movie to catch up and I jokingly asked him if he kissed someone and he got quiet and said yes with watery eyes. He said at dinner earlier he hadn’t been seeing anyone or been on a date since we broke up. Later that night he said it was just a kiss then my asked if I knew her turns out I did he “kissed a girl” that he worked with that I had told him months prior I knew from home (were from different areas) that I really didn’t like this girl because of something she had done in the past. Funny enough when we had this conversation he said this girl is kind of gross she’s messed around with multiple coworkers before.


I forgave him because he said he was drunk and said it only happened once and then everything was great he had time for me, the old guy I once knew was back! We even hooked up I asked him if he hooked up with anyone bc if so we should use a condom because it's unsafe and he told me no straight to my face. He took me on a date to the beach later in the week and it was prob one of the nicest most thoughtful date he has taken me on and then I mention I am going on a trip with some people that are mutual friends with the girls he kissed and he was like why would you hangout with them they are all so dramatic you are better than that. Well 5 minutes later hes crying saying he has to tell me something and says well actually he was drunk and had sex with her a month after we broke up! I cried and told him to take me home I was so embarrassed, he calls me that night apologizing saying it was a one time thing. Then someone who knows both of us told me that he had actually slept with two girls twice each friday/saturday then again the next week friday/saturday. I told him what I found it he stopped responding to my messages left to some amway meeting then a trip with his friend to help move out of state. So I blocked him. A month later he messages me on a social media saying he’s sorry I deserve the truth from him he needed time to collect his thoughts and get himself together. I tell him thanks for the apology I forgave him but I think it's best we dont hangout anytime soon. His birthday comes a month later I message him happy birthday to be nice because i'm not a mean person and I do care about him and hopes he's doing well he was a big part of my life throughout college. Now he is asking for a second chance saying he’s done with lies he's been working on himself volunteering makes a difference. He's always told me little white lies but they got increasingly bigger throughout the past year. He said he was depressed and suicidal that the people he works with invited him out for drinks to cheer up and he literally threw up after hooking up with the girls each night. The sex was meaningless and he missed me and regretted breaking up but his ego was stopping him from telling me.


I want to believe that BUT Im not dumb I think he should have felt bad about it the first time he hooked up with someone and he shouldn’t have done it three more times? And to hook up with a girl I told him I didn’t like and he knew I didn’t like then lie to me about it felt like a slap in the face. Also how do you say you love someone and then do this to someone? How can you marry someone knowing you completely shattered their heart? What do you guys think?

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He's lies and lies and lies. He down plays everything to cover his a$$. He knows what he is doing, and is enjoying it, don't kid yourself. He's getting a lot of strange, so why stop at one girl? He's just full of it. Did he love you? ya sure at one time. I think since he was so young starting your relationship, he hasn't had a chance to experience dating as an adult. He is struggling with transitioning. He misses the relationship because that was 5 years of his life, but his urges to explore other opportunities is overpowering, now that he has this new pyramid scheme business he's into, meeting new people, etc. He just needs to suck it up and move on...and leave you alone because it's messing you up. Let him have at it.

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...his urges to explore other opportunities is overpowering, now that he has this new pyramid scheme business he's into, meeting new people, etc. He just needs to suck it up and move on...and leave you alone because it's messing you up. Let him have at it.




He had his fun, it's too late to go back to you. He will continue to cheat and lie, do not fall for it! And the tears O-M-G... pathetic!!!

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I may be in the minority but I think you're a bit overdramatic. Don't take this the wrong way and I'll explain why. When you break up with someone you break up for reasons and relinquish any expectations or hold over that person that you previously had. When you rekindle a romance with someone you should be going into it with an open mind, realizing that anything was/is possible in the time you were apart. With all these expectations and your strict rules of what he should and shouldn't have done while you were broken up, you're setting yourself up for failure because your expectations are not realistic and nor are they fair.


Leave it the way that it is. I don't think that you're ready to love someone fully. This may be a bitter pill to swallow but this is not the way to treat someone (either of you). Whatever issues he has or stresses, he should learn to prioritize a little better and not take it out on you or his relationship. He checked out with a halfhearted excuse and neither of you should have kept in touch. You were a bit of a doormat at the start.


If you're going to hurt yourself over the idea that he slept with someone else, move on firmly. This is done for you. You're not able to handle that type of information with a rekindled romance and I don't think this is patchable or workable. Let it go.

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He's a liar. Once a liar, always a liar. There's NO trust.


He's also very mentally unstable and his life is not on track nor established. He's on shaky ground and why would you ever want to be with a man who is so insecure and doesn't have his act together? He still needs to grow up and you need to move on WITHOUT HIM.


Also, even though you're trying to be nice, cease all contact once you breakup. No more "Happy Birthday" greetings. Make sure you're in NC mode. You need to cut it off with him permanently and move forward with your life.

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