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Not sure if he’s interested


Suddenly1821
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Creating a new post because I didn’t realize I couldn’t copy my post from somewhere else. Sorry!!

 

I met a guy through a mutual friend. I’m not sure if he’s interested. He is recently divorced as am I. He is terribly shy. I am too. We both get less shy after drinking. He has not dated anyone since his divorce and neither have I. When we all hang out in a group he will make sure to text me to make sure I get home ok. I know he doesn’t do this to others. He has often texted me the day after we hang out in a group to either say he had a good time and a few times he has invited me to hang out that day. Each time I’ve been busy or have had something going on. I realize this makes me seem uninterested.

 

A few weeks ago we went out for a birthday. We went to see a live band and at some point he took my hand and waist to dance with him and we did for awhile. We were the last two who left that night. We had been drinking a lot. We each took separate ubers home his Uber arrived first. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and then he went to his Uber came back out gave me another kiss on the cheek and then on my hand. He texted me to make sure I got home ok and we chatted for a bit.

 

This past weekend we all hung out again at a party. He was flirtatious. He called me hot and beautiful in front of other people. He brought up a conversation we had months ago that I thought he would have forgotten. He texted me again to make sure I got home ok. The next day he texted me a picture of what he was eating and a beer. He was out with his friend. He invited me to join them but I couldn’t. We continued to text. Later on that night he texted again and he said he would like to hang out with me in the future. I agreed and the conversation ended.

 

I realized I need to put in an effort so yesterday I sent a text in the afternoon. I still haven’t received a response. It wasn’t a question just a picture. He’s not very active on social media so I don’t know if he’s been on his phone. I know that his divorce left him devastated as she cheated and used him for money. He is not aggressive at all and is afraid of making people mad. His ex wife was also very hot and I have low self confidence so I wouldn’t say I’m near her level at all. He is ten years older but we have a lot in common. Does this seem like he’s interested? I started to feel like he’s only reaching out when he’s drinking but I looked back and there have been times when he has reached out or responded when sober. Any insight is appreciated. The last time I was single I was 14 as I married my high school boyfriend and I’m 32 now.

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Your low self confidence will only attract bullies and manipulators, and you will sabotage any future relationship, stressing if you're not as pretty as an ex, etc.

 

Don't date until you feel like a worthy human being. Read books on how to boost your self worth. Start pampering yourself and take up a new hobby/interest. I believe that yoga is a great way to boost your mentality of good thoughts and knowing and loving your body and mind at a deeper level.

 

And don't use alcohol to open up to other people. Develop skills to come out of your shell being sober. If you're drinking enough that it changes your personality regularly, you're on a path you better hop off of, and quick.

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Take it easy with this guy like you already have. His attention is probably soothing and flattering after coming out of a divorce.

 

If he's treating you like a lady, accept it as a compliment but I wouldn't look forward to comments regarding your looks or how hot you are. It's fine in most social settings but after awhile, the dialogue and script should get old for you. It's already started to work on your subconscious and you're starting to compare yourself to his ex and possibly other women in terms of your looks. You cannot control him or what he says in a public setting but you can control your own thoughts and behaviour towards him so that you minimize frivolous or superficial attention that you may not like in the grand scheme, recognize what's going on subconsciously for you and adjust your thought processes. There's a very high likelihood he has no idea what he's doing but you should be able to tell the difference between sincere and insincere compliments. If you think he's completely sincere, I'd be wary.

 

Good for you for reaching out and sending him a text. He hasn't responded. Give him time. Leave it at that and don't overthink it. As a side note, he shouldn't be inviting you out with his male bud either. If he's interested he should be pointedly asking you out on a date (just the two of you) and propose something a bit more intimate like a dinner or some other shared interest/activity.

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Well to me I would say all the signs point to him being interested. I mean if he only wanted to be friends then why would he hold your hand and waist and give you kisses, albeit not on the mouth. He is contacting you a lot and inviting you out a lot. But I think you're not making any effort at all because you decline all his invitations and you don't suggest any other times to hang out instead. I think if you like him then why don't you actually invite him out? Just the two of you. He's already invited you out many times, so now it's your turn!

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I agree with Tinydance. It does sound like he’s interested, but as Tinydance mentioned, it doesn’t sound like you’re giving him much to work with since you’re declining a lot of his invitations. If you have to decline, why not suggest another day when you actually can meet up?

 

If you want to try and take things further, it sounds like you’ll have to step up your game.

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