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This weekend we were at my husband’s cousin’s place. She told me in private that my husband’s parents were extremely emotionally abusive to my husband and his sister . That their house was a house of hell and she has no clue how they became good people . ( my sister-in-law ,well, that’s debatable)

 

I knew he was badly emotionally abused ,but she alluded to the fact it was much worse than I thought not that he will ever say that , ever. He is extremely loyal to his parents. I think because he is terrified of them .

 

Should I just keep mum about this info ?

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Yes, I think you should keep it to yourself. My hubby's sister told him that their father was extremely upset that their mother got pregnant with him and he's never been able to come to terms with the fact he was an accident. Why she told him that I'll never know but then again she's a bit of a dumb-A to begin with. She's much older than him and clearly remembers the huge cuffle the pregnancy news caused and the verbal abuse my father in law layed on my MIL (like she was the only one who was responsible) SMH.

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Yes, I'd just keep quiet about it. Just add it to the knowledge you already have of your lovely husband, but there's no need to raise the issue of past abuse unless he wishes. It sounds as though his defence against the trauma was to bury it, and it would be very damaging to him if anyone else forced the issue before he was ready to do so for himself.

 

Just let yourself know that he's even more wonderful and remarkable than you'd realised!

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I think he wants me to love his parents like he does. ( I can’t ) I don’t even think he realizes how bad it was because his dad made sure the family was socially isolated. I know for sure he was terrified of his dad, because he was on the receiving end of blame and put downs since he was a toddler.

 

I know for sure they emotionally abused my son about 4 times which is why I tried to only have them with him with me present.

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I think he wants me to love his parents like he does. ( I can’t ) I don’t even think he realizes how bad it was because his dad made sure the family was socially isolated. I know for sure he was terrified of his bad, because he was on the receiving end of blame and put downs since he was a toddler.

 

I know for sure they emotionally abused my son about 4 times which is why I tried to only have them with him with me present.

 

Love is complicated and he is allowed to love his parents because they are his parents. you can actually love someone and not like them very much. So allow him that without judgement. He may think your dad is a monster and not say that -- but allow you to be involved or not involved with your dad on your own terms

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Love is complicated and he is allowed to love his parents because they are his parents. you can actually love someone and not like them very much. So allow him that without judgement. He may think your dad is a monster and not say that -- but allow you to be involved or not involved with your dad on your own terms

 

Oh he does think my dad is a monster for sure . He barely speaks to my father when we visit. My dad barely gets a grunt but I am told I need to be polite to his parents or I am insulting him.

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Oh he does think my dad is a monster for sure . He barely speaks to my father when we visit. My dad barely gets a grunt but I am told I need to be polite to his parents or I am insulting him.

 

Well, then be polite. Its the bare minimum. He is being polite to your dad by biting his tongue and showing up for the visit.

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Well, then be polite. Its the bare minimum. He is being polite to your dad by biting his tongue and showing up for the visit.

 

I am polite. It is all I can manage to muster but he wants to LOOOOOVE them because they LOOOOOVE me which is a crock. They barely love him.

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Is this person known to exaggerate? My SIL told whopper lies about me to anyone who would listen and some of them caused me a lot of grief. I have nothing to do with her now. So, this is why I wonder if you can believe what this cousin said.

 

No, his cousin is not an exaggerator. She is the cousin that his dad never spoke to again after our wedding because she had the “ nerve” to get drunk.

 

Keep in mind my FIL threw me and my son out on Christmas Day because my son at 2.5 months old had the unmitigated gall to cry at night.

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My husband also suffered extreme emotional and physical abuse by his father and was once thrown out of a two story window into a snow drift. He hasn't spoken to his father since he was in his early twenties. Even though his mother allowed the abuse, my husband still loves her. She even allowed his father back into the home after he was released from jail after sexually abusing his own stepdaughter.

 

My husband told me the highlights of the abuse but of course doesn't like to talk about those things. His older half-sister, who doesn't speak to the mother, was visiting us and started talking about all the horrific things, such horrendous things I didn't know since my husband was younger and probably didn't recall, but he asked her to change the topic.

 

If that'd been my mother, I think I'd be like his sister and want nothing to do with her, but every person is different in how they feel and process things and perhaps choose to let the good outweigh the bad, even thought the bad was REALLY bad.

 

I go with him to see his mother and stepfather occasionally, and luckily the times are usually brief, since I can't stand someone who neglected the man I love and his siblings so horribly.

 

So my opinion is that if he didn't mention something, then he doesn't want to talk about it, so why rehash the difficult past?

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My husband also suffered extreme emotional and physical abuse by his father and was once thrown out of a two story window into a snow drift. He hasn't spoken to his father since he was in his early twenties. Even though his mother allowed the abuse, my husband still loves her. She even allowed his father back into the home after he was released from jail after sexually abusing his own stepdaughter.

 

My husband told me the highlights of the abuse but of course doesn't like to talk about those things. His older half-sister, who doesn't speak to the mother, was visiting us and started talking about all the horrific things, such horrendous things I didn't know since my husband was younger and probably didn't recall, but he asked her to change the topic.

 

If that'd been my mother, I think I'd be like his sister and want nothing to do with her, but every person is different in how they feel and process things and perhaps choose to let the good outweigh the bad, even thought the bad was REALLY bad.

 

I go with him to see his mother and stepfather occasionally, and luckily the times are usually brief, since I can't stand someone who neglected the man I love and his siblings so horribly.

 

So my opinion is that if he didn't mention something, then he doesn't want to talk about it, so why rehash the difficult past?

 

About 7 years ago my counsellor told me he would probably only deal with that aspect of it after his parents’ death or never. He is in deep denial at least outwardly. That is how he deals with things , deny they exist. He has even seen his dad mistreat me and his son like shyte and he outright denied it happened. He has listened to his dad milegne my parents IN FRONT OF ME and denied he said it. He even did a monumental speech about what awesome parents they were at their anniversary. It was all I could not to roll my eyes.

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I would remain mum. It sounds like she's a pot stirrer.

 

Keep moving forward. No sense dredging up past dirt.

 

I think she is expressing her pain after 30 years. Her Uncle would not allow her in his house or even MY HOUSE for 24 years .

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