Blocking Advice Needed

[Honeycomb8]

Block. You don't want to throw away all your dignity right?

[ninjabib]

OP and that's why you feel foolish and angry because deep down you knew all along she wasn't good for you and now you are starting to realise.

 

You are mad at her and yourself really for allowing her to act this poorly and that's what you need to come to terms with really.

 

I'm sure there's free or cheap councilling available. At my therapist they do it for £10 an hour for those with financial difficulties. Might be worth looking into.

[misterjister]

Ninja youre like the best mate i wish i had. I've got issues man i know that and you just seem to get it. I don't know how, but you do.

 

I'm mad at myself. Honest truth i was never really into this girl in the first place, It was someone i found on Plentyofish 11 years ago after being divorced. She was really into me- but i took a step down in regards looks, compatibility. This might be an interesting casepoint for any psychoanalysts out there to evaluate perhaps? Maybe

 

I was at a loose end i needed someone cos i wanted to be loved. I needed to feel, to touch, to have love, to have laughs, share good times- you know what? i didnt feel it with her- but i accepted it and left it to go wherever...i wanted away from where i was- both in location and a fresh start from my doomed marriage. My ex wife had also begun a relationship with a gangster and 80 miles away was just fine for weekends away. I needed an out - i thought i would be killed.

 

eventually i moved there. All ok through gritted teeth, it was a bit of a step down to be honest. The ex wife was quite the stunner. The new gf was quite the heffer. But she had honesty. Something my ex wife hadnt got.

 

We were good but if we argued and i said im going she would literally jump on the floor and hold onto my legs to stop me from leaving, I had to prise her off my legs to get out the house. I had to physically remove her from me so i could get in my car to go. I'd never seen anything like it. I think its It's there on record, search my posts. After 6 years she went on a diet and lost 5 stones in weight etc

 

Fast forward to near the end of the tape>>>>

 

This is where i am now. Drinking JD & coke processing it. I dont really care but i have a problem with rejection. I can do better, all i wanted was honesty, She's nothing special, just a bog standard council estate lass. Its the realisation that i've wasted 11 years of my life i think. On someone i wasnt even that bothered about in the first place whom my mind convinced me to love- which i did.

 

And then at the end of it she's done me over not once, but twice. Absolutely unbelievalbe- but this is my cataclysmic failure and crashing defeat im struggling with. She's played it well and ive lost.

 

To coin a phrase...Its not you its me.

[bluecastle]

I'll forgive the self-pity—tough moment, JD & Coke, drink up—but the above post is your best. And, I think, a portal into your best self if you can keep stepping in this direction. You removed the lens from her, somewhat, and placed it back on yourself. You were honest, reflective instead of reactive.

 

Yeah, right now you're just seeing the warts of it all—but, hey, that allows you to address them. And see more. And keep living, wart-free.

 

I read the above and see a lesson: that there are real dangers, emotionally, to making emotional bets on things that seem "safe." I've been in a version of your shoes—won't bore you with the details—but suffice to say I got flipped upside-down by a woman who, gun to my head, I was never quite into on the level I know I'm capable of, and ultimately want.

 

She knew that too, somewhere in her cells. Made for a fraught dynamic, quietly fraught, with me in the driver's seat—until it got noisy, with her grabbing the wheel. Ugh. Painful. Didn't love it at the time—I sipped some brown liquor myself, no mixers for me—but I'm grateful for it. If my life is a novel that is the chapter called The Great Humbling.

 

There are no winners here—and, really, no losers. Just two people who deserve better people than they had. Hard pill to swallow, right now, but if you can? It means you start making space for the next thing, where you won't compromise the same way. Can only speak for myself, but that became my mantra: If I'm going to get hurt like this again, I want it to come from a true comet that burns me up in all the right ways.

 

Hang in there—while letting this go. There is no volley of texts that are going to change what this was, and is.

[misterjister]

Beautifully put Blu. wow love it

 

You get what im saying? I forced myself into this against what i wanted. I needed pain repacement- i also needed to not be put into intensive care which i had been advised would happen.

 

Somewhere down the line the balance shifted. She became aware through me and improved herself whilst i went down. It levelled out. And then it went even worse, Im actually now below her hence these posts. This is my cyber bersion of wghat she did to me, She was sobbing her heart out and physically holding on to me- and now im asking strangers on the inetrnet for advice. Totally headed over someone who i know wasnt right anyway.

 

anyway- lets get to it. Practical

 

I sent her the messages. she responded.. i've added a few more other ones that the random coworker has sent me over facebook messenger as well that have remained unseen. She said after last exchange that she was going out and leaving phone in the hotel. I havent been bugging her. Ive only messaged her since i got those texts. I genuinely only want her to be happy.Its weird as fk. i read this back and see how it looks- she has been paranoid as fk about me being with someone for over a decade and now its like its me,

 

I ask for answers but there ae none. Thgere can be none. Im better than this.

 

Wiseguy said something earlier and Ninja. Maybe i am a nutter after all. I think perhaps i do need counselling because of childhood rejection or something.?

 

 

i just like people to be honest- whats so hard about that?

 

hows about the church of the blockers versus the new romantics. come on lets have it :0

[misterjister]

eta: i get girls coming onto me but i'm not interested anymore. Its not like i cant get anybody else. ive had a lot of different sexual partners. Im guess roughly ive had 30 ish different ones ecstacy nd the rave scene when i was young

 

Im 46 now but was very promiscuous in my younger years I lost my virginity when i was 14 im now 46.I was also sexually abused when i was 14 and 15 by a man. I put this info out there as it might be relevent ?

[boltnrun]

Well, if you prefer people to be honest I presume you told her you saw her as a heifer you were settling for because you didn't want to be alone. You did, right?

 

I too have pined over someone who's low quality. I was hurting because the guy I really wanted didn't want me anymore and the guy I'd found to replace him was doing a slow fade.

 

Know who I'm mad at? Him for cheating on me and dumping me? Nope. Me. Mad at myself for wasting 4 years on a loser. Mad at myself for wanting him back after he cheated and dumped me. But I didn't think he was a loser back then. I wanted him and I didn't care that OTHER people called him a loser. It wasn't until later that I realized he wasn't (and isn't ) worth a darn.

 

So are you turning the corner away from insisting she must "admit" she's seeing this guy?

[melancholy123]

The thing is i've been told by someone else who works with them that ex and new man have been seeing each other when we were together and planning holiday. She doesn't know this.

 

i asked her time and again when she told me of holiday to tell the truth but she wouldnt.

 

Now i know for sure but am giving her one last chance to be honest before i remove her from everything. which i know i should do anyway but before i go i want tto give her one last chance so when i do go she wont be remembered as a complete lying cheater waster- forever.

 

Huh? Just block her and be done with it. I think you are tormentiing yourself for no good reason. You need to not be able to see her social media and what she's doing. Move on, and you will feel better.

[MissCanuck]

She doesn't care enough about you to be honest with you, OP.

 

She cares about protecting her ego, so she won't admit to anything. That's about it.

[ninjabib]

OP your last few posts have brilliant. That's the path of introspection you need to carry on going down. Stop blaming her and start looking to yourself.

 

I totally get where you are coming from because I've been there. Many of us have. It's not nice and it's going to be hard work to come out of this and make the self improvements needed.

 

I don't think you are a nutter mate. I just think you could do with qualified help. They can help you understand why you may have chose this person. Maybe you were just scared of being alone? Maybe it's deeper than that. I cant say but if you work on it with someone qualified you will learn so much about yourself.

[misterjister]

blocked on FB & Whatsapp. No explanation given.

[ninjabib]

Good news. Now you just need to quickly decide who keeps the dogs and then it's all done with.

[figureitout23]

blocked on FB & Whatsapp. No explanation given.

 

Good for you.

 

The high road is always the best choice.

 

Hope everything with the dogs gets situated

[misterjister]

The dogs just have to stay there. Maybe see them one day - but it wont be for a long time. Thanks for eveyone's help or input.. especially you Ninjabib.

[ninjabib]

No problem mate. You will get through this and come out of it better off when all is said and done.

[j.man]

The dogs just have to stay there. Maybe see them one day - but it wont be for a long time. Thanks for eveyone's help or input.. especially you Ninjabib.

As an animal lover to sometimes embarrassing levels for my wife, I feel for you. Something to note about dogs, though:

 

They're about as smart as a two-year old on their best days. They'll without fail cry and whimper when you leave and are as excited as I am when I see a BOGO Big Mac sign when you return not just because they love you, but also and much more so because they had no idea you'd ever come back. Was raised around dogs, but one of the biggest reasons I opt for cats is I'd otherwise be nervous at work, never mind during a vacation with a pupper at home. Anyhow, that's to say that while no doubt that stress built more and more with you gone, they'll come to a point they've accepted your absence. Quite understandably heartbreaking for you, but ultimately what's best emotionally for the animals. Returning to visit them only opens that wound all over again once you leave out the door. I know you love them, but ultimately what's best for them is if you leave them to their new life.

[misterjister]

Guess what? I crumbled and unblocked and got to see pics ex and new bf with arms round each other and accompanying loved up status messages. Ouch.

 

But at least it's all public now and the fake "just friends" line she was giving me - that we both knew was a lie anyway, has been proven to be so. The text messages from the co-worker about them being together and planning it since we were together also seem legit too.

 

Not much of a consolation really but there it is.

 

Im not going to block again but wont request friend obviously - there's nothing worse that i can see now. I also will not under any circumstances contact her. all i will try to do is wish them well in their new adventure and try and move on myself.

[ninjabib]

Now you know shes done the dirty on you twice, weird as it sounds, you will find it easier to move on IMO.

 

Also i would block her or you will find yourself snooping every now and then and shes eating more of your valuable time and energy.