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Thoughts on wishing an ex Happy Birthday?


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Yay or nay? I'm over the guy so it's not an attempt to get a response. I was the one that cut them off ages ago. He meant a lot to me for a long time and helped a great deal in making me who I am today, so I thought since he's turning 30, why not?

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My take on it is less yay or nay than: why? If you can answer that question easily, in a way that doesn't feel like self-deception, there's no harm in saying happy birthday, or not.

 

The other thing I think about is: How would a person I'm dating feel if I was wishing an ex a happy birthday? I ask that whether I'm dating someone or not, since if I'm not (but interested in dating someone) the question becomes: Does wishing an ex happy birthday improve my chances of a relationship or not?

 

I'm friendly with two exes, very close with one, to the point where I don't even think of her as "an ex." We broke up 15 years ago, are simply friends—like, I wish her partner happy birthday, so of course I wish her one. She's part of my life. As for "using" a birthday to break a silence of years and "check in"—no, I don't do that. Have in the past—my 20s—but I guess at some point I just stopped.

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I don't want to be in contact, I just wanted to wish him happy birthday.

 

These two sentiments are at diametric odds with each other. Just realize that. They can't coexist in one sentence, logically, since wishing someone happy birthday is being in contact with someone.

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What if he doesn't respond or you find that you are blocked?

I'm not using this to break contact, I just wanna wish him a happy birthday because I went through a lot with him and hope he's well. That's basically what it is, nothing more nothing less.
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In my experience this has never been fruitful at all. You'll send it, you'll get no reply, and then you'll be left wondering if he saw it or not, if he just ignored it, or in the other case what's the best response you're going to receive? "Thanks"? And the worst response could be a whole other can of worms.

 

At the end of the day, you want to wish him a happy birthday for selfish reasons, whether you can admit it or not.

 

Let him enjoy his day without any potential drama your words might cause, even if you feel you have the best of intentions and no expectations.

 

Edit: You have him blocked and you want to send these well wishes. What is he supposed to get from this? Most likely nothing more than a reminder he didn't want.

Edited by LikeWater
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It's email lol I don't want him to respond. He messaged me a lot towards the end and I didn't reply any of his numerous attempts to contact me. This isn't my way of getting his attention, since it's always been the other way around.

 

He's still blocked so I don't want a reply.

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I don't want to be in contact, I just wanted to wish him happy birthday.

 

Wishing him happy birthday is contact. It would be weird if it came out of the blue like that.

 

Judging by the way you're dismissing the thoughts that you've apparently asked for, it looks as though you're really looking for affirmation that it would be OK to do so. Despite making it so that he can't actually respond, acknowledge or contact you in any form.

 

Sorry, but it still seems weird.

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I wouldn't bother sending greetings.

 

You broke up with him, and although he's probably over it by now, you reaching out could result in opening up old wounds, or maybe, getting his hopes up.

 

Even if you have good intentions, looking at it from his perspective, it's best that you don't reach out. I'd leave him be.

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Look, the only reason to wish him happy birthday is a simple one: because you want contact.

 

No problem with that, but it has to be owned. Reaching out to someone who not long ago reached out to you repeatedly, and doing so while they are still blocked from you—well, c'mon: that is kind of cruel.

 

Imagine he replies "Thanks—it's been a nice day! How's life on your end?" He gets no response, because that goes back into the void you seemed to have closed. Not nice. His nice day just got weird. Meanwhile, you get the pleasure of being a nice person who wished him happy birthday, while still getting full control over things.

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Look, the only reason to wish him happy birthday is a simple one: because you want contact.

 

No problem with that, but it has to be owned. Reaching out to someone who not long ago reached out to you repeatedly, and doing so while they are still blocked from you—well, c'mon: that is kind of cruel.

 

Imagine he replies "Thanks—it's been a nice day! How's life on your end?" He gets no response, because that goes back into the void you seemed to have closed. Not nice. His nice day just got weird. Meanwhile, you get the pleasure of being a nice person who wished him happy birthday, while still getting full control over things.

 

Spot on, bluecastle. Well said.

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Always a nay and a double nay when you are talking about someone from so long ago that you needed to block.

 

Stay blocked, stay no contact. You wishing him a happy b-day in this case would be completely weird behavior and seen as such. Not a flattering look for you.

 

Yeah, agree with whoever asked, "why?" - there is nothing nice about this and it's completely inappropriate, not to mention just weird af.

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Always a nay and a double nay when you are talking about someone from so long ago that you needed to block.

 

Stay blocked, stay no contact. You wishing him a happy b-day in this case would be completely weird behavior and seen as such. Not a flattering look for you.

 

Yeah, agree with whoever asked, "why?" - there is nothing nice about this and it's completely inappropriate, not to mention just weird af.

 

I agree with this too.

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Nah. Things are weird enough as they are. You've blocked him. What's the point of dropping a hbd bomb? It's the equivalent of remote detonation and a bit passive aggressive. Let it go, I think. And delete any reminders for his birthday going forward.

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I still have him blocked so wouldn't even get a reply either way.

 

This statement here is showing there’s more under the surface.

 

We don’t block people who meant a lot to us.

 

If this was a cordial, drama free breakup he would not be blocked and communication would be open.

 

It’s not and there’s a reason.

 

You’re a regular here, you already know, if you have to ask there’s ulterior motives.

 

So as blue said, the question isn’t so much should I but why?

 

Explore that. Come to peace with it. Then and only then decide.

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Look, the only reason to wish him happy birthday is a simple one: because you want contact.

 

No problem with that, but it has to be owned. Reaching out to someone who not long ago reached out to you repeatedly, and doing so while they are still blocked from you—well, c'mon: that is kind of cruel.

 

Imagine he replies "Thanks—it's been a nice day! How's life on your end?" He gets no response, because that goes back into the void you seemed to have closed. Not nice. His nice day just got weird. Meanwhile, you get the pleasure of being a nice person who wished him happy birthday, while still getting full control over things.

 

Bingo.......

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