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Should I ask if my dad cheated?


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I’m not sure if this is the correct forum to post this in. But here it goes.

 

When I was a teenager, my dad was close friends with a woman in my town named Liz. They walked their dogs together and even had their own little business mowing lawns. Liz spent a lot of time at our house, and we were all pretty close for awhile. (We all stopped hanging out together while I was in college. Liz and I are Facebook friends, though.)

 

As I’m sure you’ve guessed, I’m tempted to ask Liz (via Facebook) if she was always just friends with my dad. (Even when my mom first saw him with her during a walk, I heard her say, “I’m not stupid, George!” My mom eventually came around and accepted they were just friends. But obviously, I can’t help but suspect that maybe something went on between Liz and my dad while they were “friends.”)

 

Should I bite the bullet and ask Liz? Or would that inappropriate/out of line to ask? (You guys once saved my butt with a similar situation years ago, lol. I’m autistic, I don’t get social cues at all.)

 

Thank you!

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Ask only if you're prepared for rebuke because Liz and your dad will think you are being accusatory. You really need to ask yourself this: "Is it worth it?" You could very well create animosity and your inquisitive nature could backfire sorely. Sometimes you need to let sleeping dogs lie. Stirring the pot will get your into trouble. If you want to know the truth, they may not be willing to disclose their relationship or non-relationship to you. Keep in mind that you need to weigh how important peace is to you.

 

There are many instances when ignorance is bliss.

 

Don't cause drama and trouble. Peace is best. Arguments and fighting are not advised. Choose peace for everyone.

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The adults in the situation handled things the way they saw fit. Just because you're now an adult doesn't mean you have to be privy to how it was handled. Just as your parents shouldn't question you about your sex life, you shouldn't question them about theirs. No, don't upset Liz about your suspicions.

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Bad idea. It's none of your business and I'm not sure why Liz is connected to you if you're not actually on friendly terms personally. If it's causing you this much grief and the questions are eating you alive, remove her from your social media. Stay focused on your own life and work on your own life goals. Things like this generally take care of themselves. If you're living with your mum or close with your mum focus on your relationship with her. If you miss your dad, focus on your relationship with your dad. Don't go barking up the wrong tree - pay more attention to the relationships that mean most to you.

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What would suddenly make you want to pry into this a decade or so later? What is it about cheating that suddenly makes you wonder about this? It's best to stay out of your parents business especially accusing this woman.

When I was a teenager

 

Liz and I are Facebook friends, though. I can’t help but suspect that maybe something went on between Liz and my dad while they were “friends.”

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Are your parents still married? Don't chitchat with her if you think she cheated with your father on your mother. Talk to your own friends. Delete and block her from your social media if you have doubts about her integrity. Does your mother chitchat with her on social media? Does your father?

I was chatting with her via Facebook when the thought occurred to me that maybe she was more than friends with my dad at some point.
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I've found it helpful before asking impulsive questions that could harm a relationship to decide whether I have a useful purpose for the information, and exactly what I would do with it.

 

Yes, don't harm the relationship with mom and dad over this.

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Are your parents still married? Don't chitchat with her if you think she cheated with your father on your mother. Talk to your own friends. Delete and block her from your social media if you have doubts about her integrity. Does your mother chitchat with her on social media? Does your father?

Yes, my parents are still married. I only talk with Liz occasionally; we all stopped being in touch with her while I was in college.

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...
I had a thought: would it be considered ok to ask Liz if she was more than friends with my father after he passes away? (Not that I want him to, of course. But would it still be considered none of my business even at that point?)

 

I suppose you're still free to be the judge of that although I personally think it's a bit weird and a bad idea. I think people might think you're nosy and have trouble keeping to yourself. It might still be offensive and left field. I think what's more worrying is that you so badly want to know. Hopefully it's not hurting you not knowing for instance.

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  • 5 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...
Oh hey, I just saw this. I would never ask my dad, he would get angry at me.

 

Do you mind if I ask why you even care? Let me spin this on you- Have you ever had a guy that was just a friend? How would you feel if your Dad asked you if you ever had sex with him?

 

Or if you Dad stayed in touch with him and asked him if he ever had sex with you?

 

You see my point. Let it go. Stop worrying about it. Your parents are still together, so if it had been an issue, it's been worked out. Why do you even feel the need to know this? It doesn't matter.

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