jeezrick Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 My boyfriend and started dating 4 months ago. 3 months ago we became official. We are both in our 20s. It is a really nice and unexpected relationship, the only time I have done "dating" properly. We spent every date talking and building an amazing connection, he was respectful and interesting and we listened to each other for hours talking about values and childhood bla bla bla. I fell pretty hard for him. He lived an hour away from me, so we would spend at least one day at the weekend (but usually the whole weekend) together. It just happened so fairytale (the only way I can describe it), we waited to have sex for 4 weeks and it was amazing. We were compatible in every way. We went on holiday, he told me I was "The One". I met his family and his friends. His mum told me she had never seen him so happy. He told me his friends had said he was a different person since he met me because he was so happy. We did the whole "i cant believe someone like you exists" thing. I am his second girlfriend, but he has told me I am his first "adult" relationship. His ex-gf was a college girlfriend who cheated on him and the relationship was shorted-lived. I assume they went out when he was around 19? Three weeks ago (so 3 1/2 months into knowing him) we had our first "argument". I say "argument" because it really needn't have been. It was raining and I asked him if he could pick me up from the train station as I had been getting his shopping delivery for him. It usually takes him 20 minutes. After an hour I just sent a message, which word for word was "Hey, any idea when you will be here? Shall I go back in and wait? See you soon, thanks again can't wait to see you ! xx" He hit the roof. Calling me selfish, saying I was guilt tripping him, saying that I was never thinking of him and he always put me first and I never put him first. The reason why he was so late is because he had stopped for a coffee with his friend. I just said hey I don't mind you went for coffee! You should have said and I would have walked (takes 1 hr 30 to walk) or got the bus (1 hr); but he didn't listen. I was crying and apologising because he was shouting. He told me he was taking me home and didn't speak a word for the car ride home. He then proceeded to break up with me, completely emotionless. He blanked me pretty much for 5 days. After 5 days he rang me asking to meet. He apologised for overreacting and said he didn't mean it. He said he assumed I was asking him to chose his best friend or me. I was confused. We agreed to put it behind us. Sometime after this, I asked him why he had liked a picture of a pornstar on instagram (which, I will admit, didn't really need to be mentioned). He had told me that he didn't like following celebrities/crushes because it's his business instagram. I explained it made me feel uncomfortable, but I realise that was MY issue not his; but I had to let him know I didn't like it, rather than sulk etc. This resulted in him blanking me for 3 days. I messaged twice basically pleading to talk, not understanding why he was ignoring me. Eventually he said that I was "guilt tripping" him, that we ALWAYS argue when we are not together. That I was accusing him and that he constantly worried about his own behaviour when he shouldn't have to change a single thing about him. I pointed out that we had argued twice, and the first time he admitted he overreacted, and the second time was a stupid insecurity of mine. He said things hadn't been the same since we argued. I agreed, and said it's hard to have your first argument in a new relationship, but we had to make time for each other again and communicate how we used to.He told me he doesn't know how we will get back to how we were - I said by communicating and avoiding the silent treatment. This was on Monday. He said he would speak to me again on Monday evening but I have had a family bereavement this week and couldn't face a heavy conversation. I asked to speak on Sunday, and he said whenever I was ready and hoping I was okay. He is under a lot of stress recently with a promotion at work meaning he works the weekend (time we usually spend together) and a move to a new house which includes a lot of construction work which he is actively involved in. He was also voiced concerns to me that he is struggling with money slightly. His family expect a lot of running around from him and monetary favours, as well as emotional support. I also suspect he has depression. In the past he has voiced to me that he has "black months" where he pushes everyone away. 3 days before our first argument he said to me "I am just scared I am going to push you away because that's what I do when I am sad". A week ago he said to me "I hate being on my own, I've made a mistake living on my own, it's too much". He had a terrible (abusive) childhood and he has shared a lot of this with me. This is why I understand why smaller issues like those above, which can be perceived as criticism, are so hard-hitting for him. I am ready to be more aware of how I come across in discusssions we have about issues because of this, and I have told him this is a learning curve for me. He has also started crying in front of me silently and out of the blue. I try and comfort him and he lets me usually, but now I have been totally frozen out. He text me on Wednesday thanking me a gift I had ordered for him before our argument that had arrived that day. I replied last night basically saying I hated us arguing and I wanted us to go back to normal, hated that I had upset him and telling him I care about him so much and I am always here to talk, and asking if we are still meeting Sunday, and that this is the longest time we had apart and I missed him. He read this morning I presume before he left for work but hasn't replied yet. I am utterly and completely bemused. I honestly feel like this is such a good relationship; I still get butterflies when I am with him! The past three weeks have been stressful with my family's illness and his move/promotion, especially as our weekend date time has been disrupted - but it is so obvious to me that it is external stress! I feel like he's about to break things off and I am heartbroken. I love him so much. Please, has anyone got any advice or similar experiences with a stressed out/depressed boyfriend who is usually lovely turning cold on them? What happened? Link to comment
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