Sakura123 Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 Okay so I'm new here and i really need to vent right now. I'm 23 years old and I've been online dating off and on for 6 years now. I met a total of 15 guys in person from various dating/social sites. I have had some good luck with a few guys. I only was seeing two/dated 3 guys for one month (separate times of course) and one of the guys i dated for a short time was bisexual and the other was more like a friend's with benefits type situation but we didn't fool around or have sex we just made out and held hands and cuddled and went out to eat. The other guy was a Christian and I only saw him like 4 times in a month so that wasn't much, i only saw him once a week. I feel like maybe his grandparents possibly forced him to see me again but im not sure. I ended up meeting them on the first date. I had second dates with 2 guys where it didnt lead to anymore dates and one kind of pitied me I think so we he didnt see me for a third date. I have made the mistake in the past of telling future dates or guys i was going to meet up with, about how i been hurt and used before and I was naive to do that. I told them cause i was worried they too would run out during a first date before the date started cause I had 4 guys in 6 years run out on me during a first date like within 20 minutes of meeting me and that damaged my self esteem so i told future guys about it hoping they won't do the same but I figured its wrong to do that cause now I cant tell if they want to see me again cause they dont wanna hurt my feelings or cause they like me. Anyway, I don't use filters like most girls, i don't use any filters on my pics. I have recent full body pics and i always have. I post no makeup pics too cause i don't really wear makeup but i have worn it on some dates but most dates i didn't. Here's what's killing me, I have actually was bold enough to ask a few of my old dates since they sometimes reach out and see how I'm doing after not talking for a year and I asked them if I looked attractive in person and one said "I didn't find you unattractive" hence he said UNattractive (same guy that assured me i was still cute but made an excuse to leave before we got to hang out). (I'll call him Albert). Albert was gonna be more of a fwb and i was fine with that. His reasoning for leaving early was my dad approaching him and spooking him out tho my dad was friendly to him but i told him ahead of time he will probably have to meet my dad if he's gonna hang at my house and he said he was fine with meeting him so thats what I didn't understand. My dad did i think startle him from walking in the Jack in the box unexpectedly to shake his hand. I also remember when Albert left, he texted and said "sorry I just had to go, something felt off, I can't explain it, it just didn't feel right, I'll sleep it off" and i texted back "I'm sorry if you think I'm ugly you had to leave" and he said "I'm sorry". Later he kept assuring me I'm still cute in person but something didnt feel right and that he wasnt expecting my dad to just come in like that Idk. I was only with Albert for 15 minutes before he made an excuse to leave. He's a sexual guy and he would still say he wanted me and stuff but wasnt sure if he could see me again so I blocked him. Now 5 months after meeting up with him, I ask him if he found me attractive in person but he said "I didn't find you unattractive" instead of saying i was still cute like he always did. I pointed out he was avoiding the question and he kind of admitted he was then I asked if I was cute in person again and he said "yes but you need to learn to love yourself" he left it at that. I saw a picture of his ex that he was with for a year that he met on a dating site and in my opinion she looks worse than me but to him she was beautiful. I also video chatted with Albert before meeting and he always said i was cute and beautiful before we met up. There's this next guy (we will call him Jacob) Jacob and i talked for a few days then i remembered he stopped texting for a couple months then he texted again one day on a dating app and seemed really eager to meet me and said he was just going through alot so I forgave him and we met up in person and he seemed real jokey and funny and friendly and outgoing. We were talking about kissing and going to his house but i let him know ahead of time that day that i couldn't go to his place cause i didnt have the time but that we can still hang out for an hour and he was ok with it. I noticed he didnt try to kiss me like he said he would and I had my sunglasses on cause i was feeling insecure and i didnt want him to run off if he saw me without them but anyway i think eventually he said I'm beautiful but my sunglasses were still on and he gave me a confident boost i think so I took them off after telling him why i was hiding behind them and he said "you don't look bad" with a little smile on his face . When he said that it felt like he punched me in the gut and I started crying. He gave me a hug and said he didnt mean it in a bad way, he meant that i looked good and that he says that to everyone. "Don't let it get to you" he says. He texted to ask me later if i got home okay and was still flirty in his texts after that and we were planning for a second meet up then a few days later he randomly blocked me so thats the end of that.Then there's this guy (his name will be Charlie) so Charlie was more of a meet up. I guess Jacob was too so they werent really dates. Albert wasnt a date eighter. Anyway Charlie and i talked for a week and he said i looked cute in my pics so we met up in person and he was real quiet and we werent really feeling each other. He did say the sunglasses I was wearing looked cute on me and asked me if we could hold hands bit i politely declined. He told me shortly after that i could leave if I wanted since we didn't have much in common so we both left after 30 minutes. Charlie messages me once after not speaking for 4 months and i asked him if i was attractive in person and he said "yeah" we talked for a bit and nothing came of it. A year later he messages me on Meet me app and i asked him after chatting a bit and him complimenting my new pictures, if i looked like my pics in person. He said "yeah" and i asked "did you find me attractive in person?" He said "yeah your not too bad" ? Why didnt he just say I looked cute? Not to be full of myself but i think I'm kind of cute and I'm aware I'm no model but still, i see unattractive girls in relationships all the time and so I don't know why im struggling. I hear women tell their stories how men say they look more beautiful or better in person well i wished that would happen to me! I think only two guys said that to me, one that said im beautiful ended up talking crap about me on Facebook and making posts to his friends about how he didnt like me but kissed and held my hand anyway and he got alot of comments but i didnt read them cause im sure he was saying im ugly too. We weren't friends on there eighter I just found out he made that post after we got in an argument and he was telling people he wad glad I'm out of his life meanwhile showing off the girls he did like on Facebook. I've only kissed guys met online well except one from high school whos my fwb. All these guys I'm talking about I met online with the exception of one. I don't believe the few dates that did say i was cute or pretty in person cause of what the others said. Most of these guys didnt compliment me on the first date at all despite saying they would. The ones that did compliment me without me asking or anything, ended up leaving early or rejecting me before a second date one way or another. It doesn't help that one guy drove away on a first meet up after I took my sunglasses off and this was right after I pulled away politely from a kiss and told him we should kiss later on the first date and went to the restroom and I came back and he was gone and he wouldnt answer my calls or texts til the next day and said he got scared i didnt like him so he left. He kissed me after i took my glasses off but yea. He started being sexual and asking for nudes and saying he liked my body. Thats the thing these guys wanted a relationship and once they actually meet me they no longer want me as a girlfriend not most of them, but they act sexual and try to hookup or get nudes out of me. Some end up in a relationship with someone a few months later despite telling me after meeting me that they decided they didn't want one. I don't know what to do at this point. Guys dont talk to me in person and idk my worst nightmarish fears are confirmed that guys in real life think im grotesquely unattractive. I don't believe the ones that say i look like my pics. I miss being cuddled and having a boyfriend and feeling safe but now i worry I'll never find anyone again. I gotta say I have a hearing disability and guys knew about this and met me anyway and the guys that seen me multiple times and dated me all had a disability in some way so idk if thats part of it. I know I been blocked a few times sending a regular video of me talking just so guys know how i sound which is a real mild speech impediment and others didnt block but one guy said i wasnt as cute in the video as my pics and said it was probably the lighting and another in a wheel chair said he thought I had down syndrome or some mental disability cause I was looking around or something but i was nervous in it. Anyway the ones that didn't block, i told them people blocked and asked why they would block me and their like "idk". Well anyway like i said my pics are recent, no makeup, no filters so I don't get it. How can I look like my pics? Anyone else ever had something similar happened where your ugliness was confirmed or guys acted like they werent attracted to you in person after talking online? How do i deal with this? Im so sad im actually getting drunk tonight and I can't sleep cause of this. How to deal with being told im not "bad looking" by my dates when they thought i was beautiful before? Link to comment
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