MysteryCheck Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 I've been a lurker of this forum for about 4 months, and this was the best source of help for me and coping when I was in the deepest rut of my life after my breakup. Often gathering bits and pieces from this site of what to do, and using them in my current relationship. Well, for starters. We broke up around 4 months ago. 3 weeks from now would've been 5 years of being together. I will conclude as much as I can without writing an essay, just so I can give as much detail as possible. We had a great relationship but complacency got in the way after 3ish years. Started dating when she was 16 and I was 18. We both got comfortable over time, and I stopped courting her. Even though we saw each other every day and still had nightly/weekend dinners/movie dates. We eventually pushed all of our friends away due to drama, and the reason she broke up with me initially was because I got jealous she started to see her friends more than me and she was having fun without me (her words). In the end, not having respectable space and depending on each other was the downfall of our relationship. We did have a very close and connected relationship, and still do to some extent. We have both met our extended families and know each other's lives inside and out. And we, to this day, have one of the strongest emotional bonds that even her family members often mention they envy. But the dreaded happened. It was somewhat of a nasty breakup that included me showing up at her house, knocking on her window, calling her at 2 AM 10-12 times every night, and constantly calling her family members to check up on her for weeks. It was some of the darkest times of my life to be honest, and I was an emotional girl about it. Only because we were so close and I felt her pulling away, but now, I have gotten over the depression/loss and now accept that sometimes things happen that you can't prevent. It took the breakup to make me realize we need to have space apart and see friends and I understand I was a total stalker right after she ended things. At first, we were very distant. We both turned to friends and spent time apart and had fun on our own. She has her group she hangs out with and I have mine. We did not speak much and when we did, it was usually very tense. But deep down I still knew feelings were there from both sides, mainly because neither one of us cut contact. She had always replied to me when I would reach out, and we maybe saw each other every 3-4 days, distant texting, little to no contact and often initiated by me. It was the usual for about a month-month and a half. I caught her talking to her own ex from many years ago, but I know there is no competition, and that she was just trying to fill a void (he doesn't even live in this country). I, myself, even went on a date with a close friend's sister that was a really great woman but deep down I knew I wanted my ex and I didn't pursue much longer since I still had feelings for my ex and did not want to lead this other woman on, and my ex was really pissed when she found out about the date (which I did not tell her, she found it snooping in my phone) After about a month and a half, I turned my focus to the gym and my job. I ended up distancing myself from being the one that initiates to being the one that recieves. I stopped calling/texting and left/leave it up to her strictly now, which usually turns into us hanging out (and sex, but not often). After around two months, I find her calling almost everyday, and checking up on me/venting to me about her problems just like before we broke up (Which I almost anticipated she would eventually do), which means a lot to me considering she has many other friends to talk to besides me. But it took about two months for that to happen. I kept myself busy with work and fishing/working out and I don't know if she started calling because she felt I was moving on or simply because she missed my attention or both. Now it seems almost like our relationship is somewhat back to the origins, but I have actually brought up a couple times becoming exclusive, but not bombarding it with her. I know we are both not ready, and I have only asked outright once. She agreed she is not ready. I really do feel like i'm doing the "two steps foward, one step backward" dance here. Which I am perfectly okay with. There have been some instances where I have slipped up and became what I call "too much", such as her catching me snooping through her phone, and confronting her about some things due to my emotions overriding me, but I have gotten to the point where I would prefer to not know, and thus I have overall stopped searching. Simply because it does not help our situation either way. Long story short: We broke up nearly 4 months ago, and the first 2 months were devastating, and included more distance than I liked, but it felt necessary. Now, we speak almost every day, and still see each other, slowly starting kissing again and taking baby steps so far. My question is, does this seem like the right path to reconciliation? Or does this seem like the path to being friendzoned? I flirt in a very good manner whenever possible, and I try my best to treat her like a lover whenever possible, but I do not overdue it. I feel like I have personally given her every reason in the book to completely block me and cut contact due to my number of slip-ups these past few months, but she still sees the desire deep-down to message me and want to do things almost daily again. I know It sounds cocky, but I am what I would consider an attractive male, and I am very "real" in a sense of humor and honesty, and the breakup kickstarted me into working on myself and becoming a good catch, and I am proud of myself in the terms of how far i've come from where I was. I just don't know what her intentions are. I have not asked her, but yet I avoid bringing up the past at all costs and try to focus on the present. Link to comment
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