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Irritated a guy who blew me off rudely is doing well. Any advice to get over it?


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Had been dating a guy for about 6 weeks. Our last scheduled date which was for a Friday night he ended up bailing on me last minute as he was asked last minute to teach class at our fitness studio he had just started at. He asked if I could reschedule for the Saturday as he wanted to go into work after and finish something as he was planning on staying a little longer and wouldn’t be now that he was teaching class. I said I had plans Sat but we could touch base and see. He said thanks for understanding about the class and that he would shot me a text. The next morning he messages me that his class went well, he finished up at work and went out with some other instructors afterwards for drinks and to let me know when I was done today and we could try to meet up as he wanted to make up for yesterday. I was really irritated because if he had free time after work, we were supposed to have plans but I let it slide and told him around 1pm I would be done at 6. He responded at 5:30pm that he had a family bday at 7pm so unfortunately it wasn’t enough time. I was so irritated that he waited until the last minute to relay that information as well as now he had wasted 2 of my prime weekend nights. So disrespectful. I responded to the question he asked me and also said “ have a good weekend!” not making an effort to keep the conversation going as I thought he had really been rude over the past 2 days. He did responded right away saying sorry and some BS about “ I hate not following through on plans. I hope you have a good weekend as well” . If you hate not following through on plans then follow through on them… again so disrespectful and have heard nothing since so im assuming that was his way of blowing me off without having to have a conversation. Anyway. This guy had recently become an instructor at our gym which he had been training for throughout or 6 weeks of dating. It was something he had always been talking about in texts and in person and I was always trying to be very supportive, encouraging etc. As im signing up for my weekly classes seeing his name on the schedule im instantly in a bad mood and feeling a little bitter that it seems to be going well for him. I know this was less than a week ago so feeling are still fresh but it makes me less enthused to continue going to a gym that I love now knowing that he’s there teaching which also makes me upset since I love that gym! He was so disrespectful of my time and quite rude I thin in our last interaction and after 6 weeks if he just wasn’t interested he would have just been upfront isn’t of making false promises and pretending to be sincere about his intentions when he wasn’t. has anyone gone through anything similar and has any advice! I know ill probably be over it in a few weeks but right now im feeling so disrespected by how he acted and pretty irritated by the fact that he seems to be doing great.. Thanks all!

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Sorry to hear this. The real issue is not respecting your plans and not keeping his word/having integrity. Good you dumped him. Just enjoy your life and forget jerks like this. Go to the gym with friends and simply ignore him or sign up for times/classes he's not involved in.

I was really irritated because if he had free time after work, we were supposed to have plans but I let it slide and told him around 1pm I would be done at 6. He responded at 5:30pm that he had a family bday at 7pm

 

This guy had recently become an instructor at our gym which he had been training for throughout or 6 weeks of dating.

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The two are unrelated. He acted in a flaky way to you and he now is going to get to teach a class. I get that if there was a link - like he’d mistreated you as a student in the class and then was allowed to teach a class that would seem unfair but for all we know he is an excellent instructor who also is flaky sometimes when it comes to plans.

Feel what you feel and maybe choose to react by self talking and realizing that your bruised ego and annoyance doesn’t have to have you focusing on negative energy. It will sap your energy for other things. Maybe don’t take his class but no reason you can’t go to his gym.

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The next morning he messages me that his class went well, he finished up at work and went out with some other instructors afterwards for drinks and to let me know when I was done today and we could try to meet up as he wanted to make up for yesterday. I was really irritated because if he had free time after work, we were supposed to have plans but I let it slide and told him around 1pm I would be done at 6. He responded at 5:30pm that he had a family bday at 7pm so unfortunately it wasn’t enough time. I was so irritated that he waited until the last minute to relay that information

 

I get your frustration - but at the same time you waited several hours to respond to him after he text you first thing in the morning. With that you gave him short notice and he already made other plans.

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Patience is a virtue!

 

He went out to drink with co-workers. It happens especially if he is new.

 

The reply If you hate not following through on plans then follow through on them. It was a family members birthday =(

 

He seems like he was trying and liked you.

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I think you’re way overreacting. People aren’t always going to act the way you want them to. And you aren’t always going to do everything perfectly either. Try giving people a little something called the benefit of the doubt. He kept you informed when he could, it was just a busy time for him. Annoying, sure, but not something to get bent out of shape about.

 

My husband blew me off for the first two dates we had planned. He begged for a third chance, and we’ve been very happy together ever since. Had I been as uptight as you, I wouldn’t have the amazing, loving family I have now. That would be such a HUGE loss for me.

 

Life throws a lot of hard curve balls. There is absolutely no sense in making mountains out of molehills.

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Had been dating a guy for about 6 weeks. Our last scheduled date which was for a Friday night he ended up bailing on me last minute as he was asked last minute to teach class at our fitness studio he had just started at. He asked if I could reschedule for the Saturday as he wanted to go into work after and finish something as he was planning on staying a little longer and wouldn’t be now that he was teaching class. I said I had plans Sat but we could touch base and see. He said thanks for understanding about the class and that he would shot me a text. The next morning he messages me that his class went well, he finished up at work and went out with some other instructors afterwards for drinks and to let me know when I was done today and we could try to meet up as he wanted to make up for yesterday. I was really irritated because if he had free time after work, we were supposed to have plans but I let it slide and told him around 1pm I would be done at 6. He responded at 5:30pm that he had a family bday at 7pm so unfortunately it wasn’t enough time. I was so irritated that he waited until the last minute to relay that information as well as now he had wasted 2 of my prime weekend nights. So disrespectful. I responded to the question he asked me and also said “ have a good weekend!” not making an effort to keep the conversation going as I thought he had really been rude over the past 2 days. He did responded right away saying sorry and some BS about “ I hate not following through on plans. I hope you have a good weekend as well” . If you hate not following through on plans then follow through on them… again so disrespectful and have heard nothing since so im assuming that was his way of blowing me off without having to have a conversation. Anyway. This guy had recently become an instructor at our gym which he had been training for throughout or 6 weeks of dating. It was something he had always been talking about in texts and in person and I was always trying to be very supportive, encouraging etc. As im signing up for my weekly classes seeing his name on the schedule im instantly in a bad mood and feeling a little bitter that it seems to be going well for him. I know this was less than a week ago so feeling are still fresh but it makes me less enthused to continue going to a gym that I love now knowing that he’s there teaching which also makes me upset since I love that gym! He was so disrespectful of my time and quite rude I thin in our last interaction and after 6 weeks if he just wasn’t interested he would have just been upfront isn’t of making false promises and pretending to be sincere about his intentions when he wasn’t. has anyone gone through anything similar and has any advice! I know ill probably be over it in a few weeks but right now im feeling so disrespected by how he acted and pretty irritated by the fact that he seems to be doing great.. Thanks all!

 

Honestly, you guys only dated 6 weeks, not a long time and you weren't even bf/gf, so he really didn't/doesn't owe you any sort of accountability. You seem pretty self-involved ("so disprespectful," "I...I....I..., etc..." and he probably saw that and doesn't want to deal. Just out of curiosity, how old are you?

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As im signing up for my weekly classes seeing his name on the schedule im instantly in a bad mood and feeling a little bitter that it seems to be going well for him.

 

It's irritating, but being angry about it is just going to ruin your day and serve no other purpose. It sure as hell isn't going to make him feel bad about blowing you off!

 

Might as well stop with that and get on with enjoying your own life. Just be glad you found out about his flakiness early!

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Agree with the you are way overreacting and blowing this completely out of proportion in a kind of vindictive manner, which says more about you and your own character.

 

He has been wanting to teach classes there, you claim to have been supportive, yet the moment he got that chance, you selfishly scream about how dare he "blow you off". He didn't blow you off. He kept you informed about what's going on, he maintained steady contact, he was honest with you. When he contacted you early in the morning about making plans, YOU waited until afternoon to finally respond...how ironic. He responded in kind and yes, 6 weeks is nothing, fam comes first. You pitched a tantrum, were rude yourself, you are posting with this huge sense of entitlement and .... your own behavior is far from stellar...... You are behaving like quite a diva and it's not attractive and won't be attractive to any decent guy. Wish you luck dating, you'll be needing it.

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Take a few days to be pissed off if you are and then put it firmly behind you. Don't respond to any of his texts going forward. If you're this irritated with each other so early, I can't imagine what dating would be like. I don't suggest letting it show or paying him any attention at the gym either. Just remain cordial and friendly like you would with the receptionist. Don't bother asking how he's doing either. He's a waste of time at this time and he is busy with his new job and coworkers. Let him be. Keep it light and any conversations in person short if you run into each other.

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I would say it's less about being him being purposely disrespectful and more that this guy is really just building a life for himself and wants to focus on that... and was hoping for something less serious and more casual with you while he does that.

 

I understand you being annoyed at his being flaky... I get annoyed by that too, even if it's for good reason... however staying annoyed with someone you have known for what amounts to a hot minute only drains your energy and allows your ego to run the show.

 

Chalk it up to experience and that you two aren't compatible in terms of what you want from a relationship... perhaps consider finding someone that is a little more established in their life and career so they have more time for dating.

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This situation perfectly illustrates how texting (social media in general) has both dehumanized our interactions and made us all way too impatient for response.

 

Maybe you don't have to wait sitting by the hall phone as my mom may have done. But you cannot expect instant response either.

 

And NOBODY prevented you from calling him on the phone, texting, or even dropping by to find out what's what. Or, when getting no response in the timeframe you like, then do something else!

 

And further, do not consider time alone as wasting a perfectly good weekend. Time for introspection is good.

 

Chilling at home alone with a box of Oreos, milk of your preference, and binge-watching streaming media.

 

Some days I'd "kill" for doing nothing!

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Good heavens, OP.

 

You are one tense chick. I agree with the others that have said you are over-reacting. Are you normally this on edge and defensive with men? It seemed to take very little to set you off and usually there is some leftover resentment coming from somewhere else that triggers that.

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My heart goes out to you, because somewhere you picked up that a minor disappointment equals hostile disrespect, and you should trash a relationship over that.

 

Sometimes people ask for a raincheck over something that's important to them. The guy trusted you to understand the importance of this given that you've been supportive of his goal. He stayed plugged in with you, he asked to make this up to you the very next morning--but how long would you expect him to keep his calendar open for you without a reply?

 

I'd be less trigger-happy with the indignation when it comes to people who presumably matter to you, or you'll find yourself very lonely and bitter far into your future. How about giving the guy a break, apologizing for anything snide you may have said, and invite him out to celebrate his new accomplishment so that you can enjoy it for him and with him, rather than isolate yourself over it?

 

Head high, and recognize when giving someone else a break also means giving one to yourself.

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