After 6 weeks he abruptly ended things, even after talking I'm so confused

[bluecastle]

I hear you, and don't disagree.

 

I'm in a 9 month old relationship where "bf/gf" weren't uttered until month 5, for reference. I think that's a healthy pace—a thought that existed before I'd met her. Guess what I mean is that I didn't have talks about the kind of pace I need. My attitude is: I will do, and not do, what I am comfortable with; the other person will do the same; we will see if we can be comfortable together, with time answering that question more than it being pre-answered or engineered through discussions of comfort levels. Those discussions, while ostensibly meant to keep out pressure, can have the opposite effect. Or so I've found. Just me.

 

I was in your shoes last year: a mainlining of hope coursing through me that hadn't been felt in a long time, and seemed connected to a connection I thought was evolving at a healthy pace. Then came the pivot, my heart sunk, my head spun, with some threads here as pixilated monuments to that time. It sucks. Hugs.

 

For what it's worth, my takeaway was that life had shown me something remarkable: that I was more open, and more capable of an emotional connection, than I knew. Yeah, it was a bummer that I wasn't meant to keep exploring it with that person, but it didn't negate the reality of my openness. In other words: try not to see this a verdict on you, but a verdict that you are more open than you knew. That is a beautiful state of being to cultivate and cherish—which are forms of protection—and it can be done without romance. Makes romance, when it next comes along, as it always does, even more fun and less pressurized.

[shhs]

There was too much future talk. Instead try to take one step at a time. Such as have some dates ease in slowly especially physically. Have the exclusive talk before sex.

 

I didn't feel like there was too much future talk. It really felt like we were getting to know each other one step at a time. To be honestly, I felt that he was the one leading up until I asked him to meet my friends.

I do think it would have been helpful to talk more about being exclusive, but at the same time, I did what felt right in the moment.

[shhs]

I hear you, and don't disagree.

 

I'm in a 9 month old relationship where "bf/gf" weren't uttered until month 5, for reference. I think that's a healthy pace—a thought that existed before I'd met her. Guess what I mean is that I didn't have talks about the kind of pace I need. My attitude is: I will do, and not do, what I am comfortable with; the other person will do the same; we will see if we can be comfortable together, with time answering that question more than it being pre-answered or engineered through discussions of comfort levels. Those discussions, while ostensibly meant to keep out pressure, can have the opposite effect. Or so I've found. Just me.

 

I was in your shoes last year: a mainlining of hope coursing through me that hadn't been felt in a long time, and seemed connected to a connection I thought was evolving at a healthy pace. Then came the pivot, my heart sunk, my head spun, with some threads here as pixilated monuments to that time. It sucks. Hugs.

 

For what it's worth, my takeaway was that life had shown me something remarkable: that I was more open, and more capable of an emotional connection, than I knew. Yeah, it was a bummer that I wasn't meant to keep exploring it with that person, but it didn't negate the reality of my openness. In other words: try not to see this a verdict on you, but a verdict that you are more open than you knew. That is a beautiful state of being to cultivate and cherish—which are forms of protection—and it can be done without romance. Makes romance, when it next comes along, as it always does, even more fun and less pressurized.

 

This makes sense and maybe you're right and how I should proceed as such in the future. I always struggle with the not knowing part when first dating someone, so I always thought talking, even if its about not rushing meant we were on the same page. In this case though, I feel we rushed in some ways and not in others. I always try to not get caught up in the newness and to take it one step at a time, but I suppose maybe talking that way puts extra pressure on meeting some vague expectation. I know there are no guarantees in relationships ever, I just usually am able to trust my own judgment and never felt he was pulling away.

[shhs]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to talk me through this. Its very meaningful.

[reinventmyself]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to talk me through this. Its very meaningful.

 

I'm sorry. Shake this off. Head high

His loss. Don't forget that!

[Tinydance]

Well I think when people tell you straight out that they can't pinpoint what's wrong but they just don't want a relationship, that means they're just not feeling the "spark". Most of the time that is the real reason. I think asking him to meet your friends after six weeks was fine. It probably wasn't that he got freaked out by meeting your friends. But rather he just didn't want to meet them because he didn't feel right about it. He probably thought he shouldn't meet all your friends after all because he's realised he didn't want to continue dating you.