How does one build chemistry in a long distance relationship?

[BrokenGator]

I'm in a long-distance relationship and I am trying to figure out how to build chemistry? Any ideas?

[boltnrun]

How did the picnic in the park go?

[Cherylyn]

I hope it works out for you. Just keep in mind that most LDRs eventually fail despite chemistry. Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes two people to eventually drift apart and the relationship dissolves. Be prepared and you will be ok.

 

In the meantime, go with the flow, enjoy compatible personalities, remain amiable and act natural. Enjoy it while it lasts though. Remain realistic.

[BrokenGator]

How did the picnic in the park go?

 

The picnic went very well! We both enjoyed it. That weekend trip was a lot of fun. Thanks for asking!

[BrokenGator]

I hope it works out for you. Just keep in mind that most LDRs eventually fail despite chemistry. Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes two people to eventually drift apart and the relationship dissolves. Be prepared and you will be ok.

 

In the meantime, go with the flow, enjoy compatible personalities, remain amiable and act natural. Enjoy it while it lasts though. Remain realistic.

 

I really want it to work out with this girl. She is hands down the most compatible person I ever dated. But how do I get things progressing until I visit her again? Video chats? talking on the phone every day?

[boltnrun]

The picnic went very well! We both enjoyed it. That weekend trip was a lot of fun. Thanks for asking!

 

How frequently will you see one another? How long were you in a committed relationship before it became long distance?

 

I always say, you can't give or receive hugs, kisses, intimate contact, etc. over an electronic device. The more in person time together the better.

 

Without a solid foundation built BEFORE going long distance, it's difficult. Even with that foundation it's difficult, but without that...odds are much lower.

[BrokenGator]

How frequently will you see one another? How long were you in a committed relationship before it became long distance?

 

I always say, you can't give or receive hugs, kisses, intimate contact, etc. over an electronic device. The more in person time together the better.

 

Without a solid foundation built BEFORE going long distance, it's difficult. Even with that foundation it's difficult, but without that...odds are much lower.

 

We met in person a couple of months ago and have been talking since. I've seen her three weekends. May see each other a weekend a month or so?

[Cherylyn]

I really want it to work out with this girl. She is hands down the most compatible person I ever dated. But how do I get things progressing until I visit her again? Video chats? talking on the phone every day?

 

I really want it to work out with your girl, too, BrokenGator. Since she's compatible, visit as often as you can afford since I know traveling is expensive, time-consuming and inconvenient. Yes, do video chats, keep your relationship fresh and alive. Never allow your relationship to grow stale. Phoning everyday depends on what type of person she is. Some people are into relentless texts, emails, messages and phone chats whereas others require much needed space and boundaries.

 

Just remember not to set your hopes up too high since LDRs have good intentions from the beginning and then eventually the inevitable happens which is breakup. Enjoy it while it lasts. I hope your relationship will endure and you will break the mold!

[Rose Mosse]

You should be asking her and working those things out as a couple. That's very personal and between the both of you. Practice your communication with her. I get the feeling that you want to impress her by being a mindreader or by having all the answers. Don't bother trying so hard having all the answers all by yourself. Be humble (both of you) and learn to come together, communicate together on things like this.

 

You can start off a conversation with her by asking her how often she likes talking on the phone or be sensitive to when she's busy and when she's available. If someone is busy, tense, stressed out, don't push matters by asking for reassurance on the relationship or get in each others' space. It's a bit of intuition and being perceptive and a whole lot of communication.

[funnybunnyvj]

Done it, doesn't work. Eventually you'll grow tired of it.

[BrokenGator]

Done it, doesn't work. Eventually you'll grow tired of it.

 

I wont get tired of it.

[BrokenGator]

I really want it to work out with your girl, too, BrokenGator. Since she's compatible, visit as often as you can afford since I know traveling is expensive, time-consuming and inconvenient. Yes, do video chats, keep your relationship fresh and alive. Never allow your relationship to grow stale. Phoning everyday depends on what type of person she is. Some people are into relentless texts, emails, messages and phone chats whereas others require much needed space and boundaries.

 

Just remember not to set your hopes up too high since LDRs have good intentions from the beginning and then eventually the inevitable happens which is breakup. Enjoy it while it lasts. I hope your relationship will endure and you will break the mold!

 

Thank you! I will visit as often as I can. I will also plan the next trip as soon as I can that way I continue to show my interest and commitment to her. It is time-consuming and it is a bit costly, but if it all works out it will be totally worth it.

[BrokenGator]

You should be asking her and working those things out as a couple. That's very personal and between the both of you. Practice your communication with her. I get the feeling that you want to impress her by being a mindreader or by having all the answers. Don't bother trying so hard having all the answers all by yourself. Be humble (both of you) and learn to come together, communicate together on things like this.

 

You can start off a conversation with her by asking her how often she likes talking on the phone or be sensitive to when she's busy and when she's available. If someone is busy, tense, stressed out, don't push matters by asking for reassurance on the relationship or get in each others' space. It's a bit of intuition and being perceptive and a whole lot of communication.

 

Those are very wise words! Thank you for the feedback!

[Wiseman2]

Ok so far so good. Yes daily contact and some video chats help. Mix it up....even...gasp...a snail mail card or some other tangible, smell-able, feel-able, touch-able reminder of you. Also talk about the next time you see each other. Talk about plans etc. It provides that light at the end of the tunnel.

We met in person a couple of months ago and have been talking since. I've seen her three weekends. May see each other a weekend a month or so?

[BrokenGator]

Ok so far so good. Yes daily contact and some video chats help. Mix it up....even...gasp...a snail mail card or some other tangible, smell-able, feel-able, touch-able reminder of you. Also talk about the next time you see each other. Talk about plans etc. It provides that light at the end of the tunnel.

So I've already made plans to meet up with her. But it seems like she's starting to pull away. Doesn't really tell me about her day much, I'm the one doing all the calling, posts stuff about her outings on social media without even telling me about them anymore.

 

Not sure what to do at this point. Pull back as well?

[boltnrun]

So I've already made plans to meet up with her. But it seems like she's starting to pull away. Doesn't really tell me about her day much, I'm the one doing all the calling, posts stuff about her outings on social media without even telling me about them anymore.

 

Not sure what to do at this point. Pull back as well?

 

It's next to impossible to maintain a connection to someone you don't see, especially when it's a brand new relationship.

 

She is (rightfully) wanting to have experiences that aren't over a piece of electronic equipment.

 

I'd not only pull away but start getting involved in local groups and events so you can meet someone you can see more than once every few weeks.

 

I understand it's disappointing. Sorry for that.

[BrokenGator]

It's next to impossible to maintain a connection to someone you don't see, especially when it's a brand new relationship.

 

She is (rightfully) wanting to have experiences that aren't over a piece of electronic equipment.

 

I'd not only pull away but start getting involved in local groups and events so you can meet someone you can see more than once every few weeks.

 

I understand it's disappointing. Sorry for that.

I already booked a flight to visit her for the weekend. We aren't broken up.

[boltnrun]

I already booked a flight to visit her for the weekend. We aren't broken up.

 

Well, I am sure you'll have more answers then. Whether she's pulling back because she's decided it isn't working for her or if there's no problem and everything is going to work out fine.

[BrokenGator]

Well, I am sure you'll have more answers then. Whether she's pulling back because she's decided it isn't working for her or if there's no problem and everything is going to work out fine.

What do you suggest in the mean time?

[boltnrun]

What do you suggest in the mean time?

 

How about giving her the opportunity to contact you first?

[BrokenGator]

How about giving her the opportunity to contact you first?

Yeah, I agree. I shouldn't be putting my life on hold for her.