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We broke up, it ended badly. I wanna reach out, but should I?


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We broke up originally a month ago, but we stayed together, a sort of we are together but we aren’t labeling it. We broke up because we were arguing a lot. In my opinion, it all could have been avoided but we didn’t communicate well and didn’t have the tolerance. If I’m to be honest with myself, I don’t think she wanted a boyfriend starting school. I think that because arguments pushed forward and little things became huge things and little tolerance for small personal issues.


Anywho, things just went downhill. Fighting all the time and her idea for fixing it was space. She kept on asking for space which I gave her only coming back in her life when she asked me too. I think all the space caused most of the problems. But anyway, last week we got into a huge argument where a lot of things were said after she told me she needs time, we shouldn’t talk like that anymore right now.


I said ok, bye then and things escalated until I told her, I don’t like the way she’s been treating me lately , constantly mean, pushing me away, making everyone else a priority and putting me on the back burner. Using her job as an excuse not to spend time with me. Yet, still have time to hang out with her other friends. All the cancelled plans. Maybe I’m being sensitive but this girl didn’t even do anything for my birthday. (She was sick the actual day, so I had to visit her or I wasn’t going to be able to see her) but didn’t even mention it after the day. Meanwhile, the moment my day was over she was planning her birthday a month and a half later. She wants this and etc and etc. I didn’t mind it but I thought it was a little messed up. I’m making plans for you and you could t do the same for me.


I was fed up. Anyway she became defensive (like always) and I just ended the conversation. Wishing her the best and saying goodbye I wanna text her and check up on her. But I don’t feel like I should. I miss her. What should I do??


P.s. I know she’s not feeling well right now because of some stuff that happen recently. I wanna tell her that I’m here, but part of me is saying don’t. She created the distance between you too. She’s probably happier now with whoever she’s spending her time with. What should I do


we were together 9 months and truthfully her behavior was so sweet and kind until maybe 2 months ago, that’s when things changed.


Do I reach out?

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I think you already know the answer.


The person you want to reach out to is not really her, but a version her you once knew and really, really want her to be again. The person you would actually be reaching out to, however? That would be a wishy-washy young woman who has hurt your feelings, made it very clear she doesn't want to be with you, treated you in ways that have led you to resent her, and so on.


Breakups suck. This sucks. I'm sorry. But to try to cure the feeling of it all sucking with the person who caused it to suck does not mend the wound. It's like trying to treat a burn by putting your hand in a fire. You just get burned again.


This sounds like it has run its course. The good stuff is in the rearview mirror, replaced by bad stuff. Everything you have tried to do to make the bad good has resulted in bad getting worse. Those are the facts. Reaching out, then, will just make worse even worse.


Hang in there. Take this space for you, to reclaim the part of you that got a little muddy in trying to accommodate her.

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Beginnings are usually full of sweetness and fluff and fantasyland. What it should progress to is something deeper, a reality of building a beautiful life together. When that doesn't happen, you're missing the fantasy of who she was. Because how could you miss a person who didn't make anything of your b-day once she was well. Someone who doesn't make you feel special.


You're both young, and rarely does a relationship at that age continue for a lifetime. Most young people don't even know who they are at that stage well enough to choose a lifetime partner. It's like practicing and enjoying the moment. Seeing what works and what doesn't. Who they gel with and who they don't mix well with.


More arguments than happy times means you weren't right for each other. Sounds like you were a lot more into her than she was into you, or you had different dating goals. I'm assuming that's where all the arguments stemmed from.


Go no contact for closure from something that no longer works well for you. With time and distance you will heal and move on.

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I can acknowledge how toxic this relationship is and I can’t get out of it.

Is the same relationship you wrote about in February? ^^


Unfortunately this is what the ending looks like, for the most part. The slow come undone, the break down of communication and misunderstandings.


The writing may have been on the wall a long time ago. Unfortunately people often hang in there long past it's sale date. When they should have left before things got really bad, they continue to try to make gross mismatch work.

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Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it. Truthfully maybe you’re right. She didn’t make me feel special anymore and I was wishing for someone that doesn’t exist anymore.

I just got caught up with it all. She would tell me she loved me, that she needed me, that she could t wait to spend her life with me. But I guess things changed and I needed to watch her actions more than the words she was saying.

But yea, at one point it changed, she stopped talking about our future but I still did. Just not in the same page anymore

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I looked back at the post and I remember those feelings. I also realize, the feelings left but they came right back.

After February, things changed for the better. We actually started a real relationship and things were way better than I could have ever asked for. But it eventually faded away again and I’m left with this feeling again.

We started back up because I took a chance and this time I just can’t. I don’t think things will change if I do

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we were together 9 months and truthfully her behavior was so sweet and kind until maybe 2 months ago, that’s when things changed.


Really? Because unless this is a different girl, 6 months ago (February) you were posting about how toxic the relationship was. After 2 months. If a relationship is already falling apart during the honeymoon stage, or one or the other or both are trying to force something to work that isn't meant to, then it's unlikely that at 9 months it will actually get better.


OP I am sorry you had to learn this lesson :( however I think this is a life lesson that we all need to learn... if it's bad in the beginning, it will almost always stay that way until someone decides to end it.

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Took a little gander through your history...


Buddy? No. No times a million. That thing I said about treating the burn with the fire—you've been doing that the whole time. Without that impulse there wouldn't be anything here, hard as that is to process. Yeah, things went from down to up—for a minute—but things that start with whiplash end in whiplash, most of the time. I've got a little hitch in neck from learning that lesson, but it's worth it. This is yours. Time to step away from the fire and back into yourself.

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