Jump to content

Confused in Long distance


Recommended Posts

I need some advice. I am in a long distance relationship and have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. Everything had been going great. He was respectful, called me often, talked about our future. We met each other’s families and took turns making the drive. Over the past month, however, I have felt distance. He talks about the future less, I am usually the one initiating plans, making the drive. He still calls/texts me everyday. He still always wants to hang out when I do ask, but whereas I normally would stay Saturday and Sunday, he always seems busy and ready to be alone when Sunday afternoon rolls around. He is less affectionate but we are still intimate and kiss and hug. We don’t fight and laugh a lot when we are together. He still tells me he loves me, he says it first. We Snapchat a lot in the evenings so I am fairly certain he isn’t cheating. He has went to the bars just a couple times with his friends, who are single. He has had a lot of stress and anxiety over the past month. He is having trouble sleeping due to this and says he is overwhelmed. So I don’t know if this is the cause or he has changed his mind about me. Being in a long distance relationship, it’s easy to imagine the worst, but his behavior has changed. For all I know he may have met someone else and is talking with her. I understand being stuck in your own mind due to anxiety but I don’t know why I am getting pushed away over it. Obviously I need to ask him. But I wanted some objective opinions on what could be going on and also just how to ask as well.

Link to comment

How did you meet and how did this distance happen? Are either of you away for work or education? How long is the drive? Do you both live at home with parents? Why would you pursue a long distance situation?


You need to pull back. Do not drive there as often, do not initiate as often and do not chitchat all day/all night. Give each other breathing room. The situation is too much/too soon and you are growing bored of each other and from the suffocation.


You need to maintain your own life and friends and keep up with work/school. You must have a life outside of him and not overstay your welcome or always pursue, chase, drive text etc. etc.


We met each other’s families and took turns making the drive.

I am usually the one initiating plans, making the drive.

I normally would stay Saturday and Sunday

He has went to the bars just a couple times with his friends, who are single.

Link to comment

I am usually the one initiating plans, making the drive.


That's your biggest mistake. Never put in more effort. If you've driven there last, it's his turn to suggest driving your way, and if he makes no plan to do so, or if it's way too long in between visits, then you tell him that sort of relationship isn't working for you.


Otherwise, how are you gauging another's interest when you're doing all the heavy lifting? Because sometimes a guy is a coward and doesn't want to go through the drama of breaking up, but will stop putting in effort because he no longer cares.


One of the many cons of LDRs is that you don't date at a normal pace. Instead of brief get togethers a couple of times a week, you're forced to spend long amounts of time together, too soon. So if he needs space when Sunday comes, that's a signal of too much time together at this point. So if it's your plan to move in together at a year, or whatever your timeline, what do you think will happen then? That things will go smoothly, when you haven't benefited from the more normal pace of local dating? Highly doubtful.


I'd pull way back on your efforts and let him take the lead. If he lets things slide and fade away, don't beg. As the saying goes, "Your feet take you to where your heart is." If his don't bring him near you, take that clear answer and walk away.


If you decide to close the distance, I'd actually set up separate living arrangements at the beginning so you can date at normal pace before making the major decision of living together. It's less smothering than being together, all of a sudden 24/7. And if you move his way, make sure to establish your own activities and friendships quickly, so that it's not smothering to him that he's the sole center of your universe.


Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Link to comment

Hi, we don’t see each other every single weekend. Usually 3/4 weekends per month. And we usually do things with our friends one night per weekend no matter what. I have a busy social life during the week as well. We just send quick messages twice throughout the day for like 5 minutes and otherwise just talk at night. So I didn’t think we were overdoing it too much. But I will pull back some more and see what happens. Obviously I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me but he still makes future plans so maybe there’s something else? Thanks!

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...