Dating a borderline personality disorder type. Need help

[Mystikhik]

My girlfriend of three years and a month has been suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder. SHe has two kids. I have grown to really love her although her diagnoses is very challenging. She doesnt acknowledge having any real mental health disorder. We have been dating off and on ...mostly because of her abandonement issues and her controlling nature...sometimes too her drinking. Recently on a break up she was engaging in consentual sex with her neighbor when he analy raped her. The kids were home. She was drunk and so was he. She cried about it when we got back together a week later. The kids were home whe all this happened. I got back together with her for a week or so after that happened. I pleaded with her to get some help. I really tried to be there for her. We do really love eachother. I tried to breaknit off with her last week and she ran into the road as if to kill herself. I talked her down. She seemed okay but then on sunday she drove drunk to my apartment with the kids in the car. She got into ky place somehow. I spent the day with her hardly mentioning about her crazy behavior as when i donit sets her off. Yesterday we went to look at apartments because the man that raped her lives next door. She had a melt down when I hesitated about buying a house together saying " This will never work out ! You are soo non-comittal!!"

I left and went to see my therapist. She told me to go to the authorities with everything (the drinking and driving, the rape..etc...). I finally got the courage to do it. I texted her sister who works for the Office of Childrens Services and tild her everything. She has not responded, but she is a mandated reporter.

I am really scared for her kids. She is really deep in her sickness (borderline personality disorder). I have blocked her on all social media and I have blocked her phone. I know it is really messed up , but I really do love her still!! I dont think her sister reported anything because no one has called me. We have split up and got back together a million times. She thinks I am non comittal , I think "Yeah, I am to you!! Because you need help!!"

I have asked her to seek counseling numerous tjmes and she hasnt gone.

i am leaving state so i dont have tonsee her ever again.

But man i feel for those kids.

WHAT SHOULD i do?

I CAN i stop loving her?

(I am ssoooo scared of holding her and wanting her bacl again

 

Because I really do love her despite her sickness.

 

WHAT SHOUD I DO??

[Camber 2019]

Let's break it down from your OP:

 

She has abandonment issues and a controlling nature...sometimes drinking issues (sometimes?)

 

She was engaging in consensual sex with her neighbor when he anally raped her. The kids were home. She was drunk and so was he

 

You tried to break it off with her last week and she ran into the road as if to kill herself

 

On Sunday she drove drunk to your apartment with the kids in the car

 

You are best to be far away from her. She needs professional help, if not institutionalized. As long as you reported this to the authorities, or a mandated reporter, you have done your part for the kids.

 

You need to detach yourself from her.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Report her to CPS, not her family.. Just run and don't look back. Delete and block her and all her people from all your social media and messaging apps. Discuss your need to hang out with with damaged people like this with your therapist.

My girlfriend of three years and a month has been suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder.

We have been dating off and on

Recently on a break up she was engaging in consentual sex with her neighbor when he analy raped her.

The kids were home. She was drunk and so was he.

 

she drove drunk to my apartment with the kids in the car.

 

i am leaving state so i dont have tonsee her ever again.

[itsallgrand]

I'd call someone who isnt her sister. Hope you have things documented. Why didn't you call the cops on her when she was driving drunk with the kids? After the kids witnessed violent rape, no one did anything?

 

F her, don't really care, not when kids are involved like this. That's for her to sort out.

 

Imagine if one of those kids became disabled or died in her care. They arent going to care that you felt sorry for their mom. Stop it. She's not the victim here.

[jimthzz]

Let's break it down from your OP:

 

She has abandonment issues and a controlling nature...sometimes drinking issues (sometimes?)

 

She was engaging in consensual sex with her neighbor when he anally raped her. The kids were home. She was drunk and so was he

 

You tried to break it off with her last week and she ran into the road as if to kill herself

 

On Sunday she drove drunk to your apartment with the kids in the car

 

You are best to be far away from her. She needs professional help, if not institutionalized. As long as you reported this to the authorities, or a mandated reporter, you have done your part for the kids.

 

You need to detach yourself from her.

 

Yes!

 

Get away from her. Move on.

[bluecastle]

Who gave her the BPD diagnosis? You or an actual doctor?

 

Regardless, a diagnosis does not change what you well know to be the hard facts here: this is a woman that nobody should be near—not you and, frankly, not her children. No diagnosis changes that. No diagnosis excuses it, or makes inexcusable behavior "interesting" or something to "work through."

 

I'd call some authorities that are not related to her and then distance yourself from her—forever—and spend some time trying to figure out why you are so drawn to such chaos. Until you figure that out you are just going o seek out another version of this to meet some craving inside of you. Might not be as nuclear, but ticking bombs are ticking bombs. They always go off, and always cause damage when they do.

 

Odds are you wouldn't have much interest in a car, no matter how lovely the paint job, if it had only one wheel, no brakes, and an AC that spewed carbon dioxide. But you are interested in the human version of that car. What, do you think, is up with that? Do you not think you are a human worthy of a smooth, enjoyable ride?

[HeartGoesOn]

Has she been diagnosed by a professional, and/or do you have any proof of that? Regardless of her sisters title, I wouldn't wait for her to address this as blood is thicker than water.

 

These children appear to be in dire need of a voice to protect them. Hopefully you'll do just that, ASAP.

 

ETA...Is there a father figure here, and what are her means of support?

[Seraphim]

Report her yourself to CPS you don’t report her to her sister .

[Rose Mosse]

Report it and then stay out of it. Don't blind yourself into believing that you're God's gift to anyone, least of all her (white knight syndrome). Let the relationship go. It's not your responsibility whether she goes for counselling or any type of treatment. The relationship is long over.

[SherrySher]

Sometimes when we love someone, we need to make choices for them in order to help.

 

She has serious mental issues and is out of control. All the behaviors you described is quite serious. She has children in the picture too, these behaviors also endangers them.

 

You cannot help her, you cannot fix this for her. She needs professional help, possibly even hospitalized until she can can get on proper medications and get a therapist,

She could even do well with detox.

 

But these things are desperately needed if her situation is to change for the better at all.

 

Don't feel guilty, you did the right thing and gave her the best chance possible to get proper help and to get better.

[SherrySher]

Keep on with what you have decided to do. Block her, leave where you are now if it's going to make it easier for you to not see her or run into her.

 

Focus on YOUR healing. Start to let go.

 

This was an extremely toxic relationship and it's not going to work. You need to come to terms with that and let go.

[Wiseman2]

Yes, keep saying this to yourself. It doesn't matter what her diagnoses are. She drinks and drives and drinks and neglects her kids. She's scum.

She's not the victim here.

[Cherylyn]

The kindest cut you need to give is for yourself and her. You need to let her live her own life and whatever she does with her children, is her problem to bear, not yours. You will mentally ruin yourself as you try to be in constant hero mode. I know because I've been there just like what you're doing. Granted, our stories are not the same but the parallels are similar.

 

You can love her from afar, pray if you're a prayer type person and the best thing to do is for you to live your own life without her. She'll only drag you down into a dark, deep hole of abyss. You need to do what is mentally healthy for you.

 

Enforce permanent healthy boundaries with her.

 

There is nothing you should do. Step back and live your own life. She is not your responsibility.

[Seraphim]

Yes, the kids are the victims here.

[ThatwasThen]

I left and went to see my therapist. She told me to go to the authorities with everything (the drinking and driving, the rape..etc...). I finally got the courage to do it.

What does your therapist suggest regarding your codependency issues and your inability to keep this woman out of your life?

 

If her sister has done nothing to protect those children then you should call Children's Protective Services and report her to someone else. Where are the children's father?

[PiscesMan74]

You'll end up broken and emotionally/mentally effed up if you stay in a relationship with a BPD woman. It's drama, drama, and more drama. Cut contact and move on with your life. I know this is easier said than done and sounds harsh, but it's the only way.

I still love and miss my ex- girlfriend, but I know that her BPD issues would make my life hell and the relationship would not survive, just like all her past ones failed.

[figureitout23]

What does your therapist suggest regarding your codependency issues and your inability to keep this woman out of your life?

 

 

This.

 

I would also love to know what your therapist says about you diagnosing her. Given she denies this diagnosis I’m taking the educated guess she never once actually told you of any diagnosis.

 

The most logical thing for me to conclude is you are codependent and latched onto a woman who has a lot of issues you are not prepared to diagnose and ‘saving’ her is drawing you to this disaster...

 

We all have our crap but you are just adding drama to this situation... you told her sister? What’s that going to do?

 

Contact CPS, block and delete and schedule more appointments with your Dr. to figure out why you seem to be attracted to all this chaos.

[Hollyj]

Ate you dealing with your co dependence?

 

Report her to the authorizes if you care about those kids!

[Wiseman2]

You did this lame maneuver to avoid getting this monster in trouble. This was you trying to fob it off through text on her sister. Not any sort of official complaint.

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself or this alcoholic loser. You are both complicit in endangering these kids.

I texted her sister who works for the Office of Childrens Services and tild her everything.

[Hollyj]

You did this lame maneuver to avoid getting this monster in trouble. This was you trying to fob it off through text on her sister. Not any sort of official complaint.

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself or this alcoholic loser. You are both complicit in endangering these kids.

 

Spot on.......