It's Been a While, ENA

[valavoo]

What the heck is up ENA

 

I think three??? Years ago I posted a lot about a guy that I was having trouble getting over. I did end up getting over him because he actually, legitimately ended up being a complete jerk-off. Soon after, I got into another extremely loving relationship of friendship-turned-love full of self discovery and fun.

 

Except that also ended after a year. Life got the better of us and feelings dissipated. It was quite amicable though of course I'm still very, very sad.

 

I'm not even really here to say much other than to tell you that wanting to be with your ex doesn't make you a bad person nor does it make you deluded unless you're sitting here imagining they're right next to you or telling everyone you ARE still together when you aren't. My therapist told me it's okay to have fantasies as long as you have a reality check waiting in the wings.

 

It's a normal thing, especially when you're the one that was dumped but even if you were the one doing the dumping and are having regrets. Hell, I want my ex back right now, but I also recognize that there is no way we could make the relationship work at this point (which sucks more, getting over a relationship while you want it and KNOW it wouldn't work). You just have to pick up one foot at a time and keep walking forward no matter how terrible you feel. I have multiple things outside of my relationship going wrong in my life right now, so it's all about putting one careful foot in front of the other.

 

There is no formula, y'all. Love has absolutely no rules or formula and you just have to keep trying and getting up, despite it all. No one on a forum or a website and ESPECIALLY not an 'ex back program' can help. Because people simply do not fall into a formula. You must must must try to do what makes you smile, even if it's the tiniest of grins.

[Batya33]

I don't think anyone here ever ascribed to the notion that love has a formula or rules. I do believe strongly that love is not enough for a healthful relationship, that certain rules and guidelines in dating and long term romantic relationships work better than others, that "everything is a risk" is a copout - rather, in each individual situation you balance the risks and benefits even if it means being brutally self-honest and make an informed choice rather than indulging in "who cares/everything's a risk/no guarantees".

 

I also don't do the "try to do what makes you smile" - some things that make me smile short term are really bad for me long term. To me it's worth the extra work to figure out whether in a particular situation short term gratification is worth the long term consequences whether it's about love or having that extra piece of chocolate or whatever. But it sounds like it works for you right now!!

 

I've learned a lot from this site and others -sure you take certain things with a grain of salt - and no I also wouldn't follow advice that insisted that "love" follows a formula or has set rules.

 

I'm glad you're just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other! I'm sorry you're sad about the recent break up and I am glad it was amicable -that shows that both of you acted with care and compassion -good for you!

[Carus]

Nice post ~ Recently I've been coming to the same conclusion...as in, here 2 years later I still miss my exwife and probably will for the rest of my days....but that's ok. So long as I push on and build a good life for myself....which I've pretty much done*

 

It's when one sits on the couch drinking and taking drugs and spirals into a pit of self destruction that it's not ok....

 

That may be how it goes when the breakup is fresh and the pain is overwhelming but at some stage you gotta just pick yourself up and start breathing and living again*

 

Sometimes the 'missing them' just won't go away despite our best efforts...In that case in can be better to just accept that and push on rather than struggle and fight against it. And it may still linger but it does lessen over time*

 

Carus*

[valavoo]

Lmao I very quickly remembered why I don't come on this godforsaken website. It's full of a bunch of negative high n mighty jerks.

 

Mods if you see this please for the love of all that is good delete my account.

 

(@ Carus, you're fine.)

[Batya33]

Lmao I very quickly remembered why I don't come on this godforsaken website. It's full of a bunch of negative high n mighty jerks.

 

Mods if you see this please for the love of all that is good delete my account.

 

(@ Carus, you're fine.)

 

Again good luck to you and glad you found what worked for you. I find that different perspectives make the world go round and I simply shared mine. Seems that you disagree which you're entitled to!