nguidi328 Posted September 23, 2019 Share Posted September 23, 2019 Hello All, after some great input from this group earlier this year, I'm back. Thanks in advance to everyone who contributes to this forum. So I started seeing this woman (I'm 30, she's 32) a month ago. Our first date went very well, we kissed after, which I don't do unless I feel a strong connection. There's clearly good chemistry between us, and everything was peachy until we were eating burritos together last Wednesday and an old woman (seemingly somewhat senile) came up to us and after chatting for a minute, asked me if this woman I was with was my girlfriend. I didn't put much thought into it and said yes, and then she asked my date if I was her boyfriend, and my date said "well we've gone on a few dates but we're still feeling it out." Which, honestly is more accurate. This was all an impromptu date. So she convinced me to go dancing with her and some friends (wasn't hard) after impromptu burritos. Then she asked me to come back to her place. Fast-forward to 2am the following day, I made a joke about revealing a fantastical part of my body once she starts calling me her boyfriend. This prompts a talk - she tells me she wants to be upfront about her situation - she just ended a 1.5 year relationship a month (or two?) ago, is steadfastly against jumping into another relationship, and is not interested in a monogamous relationship at this time, but is interested in a monogamous relationship at some point, but also has never done this non-monogamous thing before and feels the need to do it at this point in her life. At this point, she is trying to be particularly selective since she is looking to start a family and settle down. I told her I'm not seeing anyone else and don't plan to, but this situation gives me pause. I wasn't thrilled to hear this. I did also tell her that I am in a similar position, looking to settle down and start a family, and I play a mean long game. She liked that. My initial reaction was moving toward not seeing her anymore though. There were a lot of me's and I's in my thought process as I reasoned through what I should do over the next two days. I felt somewhat devalued and more importantly, my attraction to her had quickly deflated. Also, my main reason for not seeing her was that I needed to respect myself, and I feel like being in this position really doesn't allow me to do that. Skip to the last paragraph if you don't have time. Over those two days, I didn't initiate any communication while I kind of mulled it over, while her texting frequency was above normal. I talked with some of my girl friends about it and they advised not to make a big deal about it. But also confirm if she was seeing other people (now confirmed, yes, she is dating at least). We had planned to get together Friday night after some plans she had with a friend, but she said she wasn't sure how late she would be out. We made that plan while eating burritos. So she called me Friday and told me her friend had a ticket to go to a concert, because his friend was sick and couldn't go, and she was going unless I still wanted to meet. I was also sick, and told her I was going to sleep soon anyway. But hearing her voice changed my whole mental state. From then on, I started to come around to her perspective. I can understand where she's at and what she's after. Sometimes pride has to take a backseat in matters of love, I understand that. Saturday I went to a concert with some friends, and I had asked her a week prior if she was interested in going, I was getting tickets. She said she'd look into it and didn't ask about it again, and I didn't bring it up again, figuring if she wanted to go, she would let me know. So Saturday afternoon she asks if I still want her to come, she might be able to make to make it, but would be on the later side, and she felt like things had changed for me and I seem like I would not be happy to see her after our short phone conversation last night. I said I'd be happy to see her. She didn't come, but I also left early since I was sick. So I told her I'd left, she texted me right back and we continued texting for a couple hours, and confirmed we would get together the following day. So 4 days after our burrito situation we went for a hike, talked about our situation, made dinner. I told her that I can understand where she's at, and that we haven't even been dating that long and I just needed a little perspective, that I'm overall okay with the situation. Things seemed pretty normal (between the sheets, less exciting than last time but still good). She stayed over. So I dropped her off this morning, and when I was leaving I had this flicker of intuition that I'm putting myself in a bad situation. I can't help but think about whether she's spending time like this with other people, and how many, and where I stand in her eyes among them. And it's a pretty crappy feeling to feel. I guess I could ask her and make my decision based on that, but I also don't want to come off as totally preoccupied about it and clingy, since I already have said I'm good with it. I think a month in, this is a normal situation it's just we were oddly forced into talking about it, and now I know more than I'd care to. But am I just her plaything? Kind of seems like a rebound situation, and she's just trying to have fun at this point. I'm also thinking about just continuing to date other people and her, not usually my style but seems to lend itself to this situation. Link to comment
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