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Crushes and friends


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So, my friend, who I will call r, and me were chatting. We discovered that we both used to have a crush on mutual friend a. R and me were talking about how crazy that was and about how r needed to tell a. I met up with a later this week, and, thinking r had told her, started talking about how it was crazy that me and r had a crush on her. It turns out that a has a crush on r now, and didn’t believe me about r liking her. I texted r about this, and she was very upset that I had told a about r liking her. R is in her first ever relationship right now, and it is with a guy that me and a don’t know. What should I do to repair the friendship and ease the romantic tension between r and a?

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R (a girl) is upset that A (a guy) knows about her feelings while she's in a relationship with someone else. They're all friends/know each other.


Yes, it was inappropriate for you to speak about your friends so loosely. Apologize to both of them (R and A) and excuse yourself out of this situation. I would also shut down any ideas from A and explain that your friend is unavailable and please be respectful. R is probably more upset at your betrayal of confidence. Your friendship there may have taken a hit. Be realistic with that friendship. Next time, don't do this again. If you feel you're getting excited about your crushes and talk about that sort of thing, cool yourself off before hanging out with your friends.

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Be honest - if A asked you on a date right now, would you say “yes”?


I can’t help but feel (and I’m sure R feels this way) that you had “other” motives for telling A about R’s crush. Especially now that R is in a relationship and is unavailable.


I mean... it’s not that funny? It’s a vague chuckle at best?


It wasn’t your story to tell. I can understand if R feels betrayed. I think you should just apologize and stay out of it... and most importantly, don’t be putting any moves on A. Perception is reality in this situation. Right now, IMO, the perception would be that you were trying to sabotage any potential they may have had.

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