a_lifters_life Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 Many of you know my rather (lengthy) history on here. Anyway my wife and I have been together (married) for 2.5y, together for 11 years overall. Recently we had our first child, T, about 3.5 months ago now. Ever since delivery, and home from the hospital - our relationship has changed very drastically. Some points regarding that: There is zero intimacy There is zero lovey/dovey anymore. We dont even kiss good bye or she ask how my day is (at work). Although I ask her how the day went with T Our relationship has turned into one of a business relationship (e.g. has x been done for T today) Everything is about T. I now sit as 3rd, 5th, 10th wheel depending on who is around. I'm put down constantly (e.g. you dont do x for T) - even though I do a tremendous amount for him (giving in a bottle at midnight - she breastfeeds), getting up at all hours to be there for support (help getting adjusted to breastfeed, or transfer him from crib to her), playing with him, baths, diapers, watching him during the working day for 15-30min (I work from home some days)...along with holding down a full-time job. Everything I do to provide for T currently is taken for granted, and anything I do is not appreciated even the slightest bit. She hasnt once said "thank you" for anything I've done in the past 3 months despite me thanking her especially after a rough day of T babysitting. My wife, in my opinion, is un-pleasable - despite my best efforts to support her, and most importantly my son. My wife feels the need over the past 3 months to constantly be going on road trips with him on weekends, and during the week. My current ability, if hes home, is 30 mins to support him and her after i get off work for the day, and he goes down to sleep. On weekends shes been going 1.5h away almost every weekend for the past 3 months. This negatively affects my ability to spend days, such as weekends, with my son developing that bond. I've spoken countless times with her about this, and how its affecting my ability to develop a strong bond with my son, and her too. To expound further on that last point - the reason I ask that she doesnt go every weekend to see her family is - priority #1 is for us to begin developing memories, and experiences as a family. Instead she'd rather allow our only 3 month old son to develop a 'bond' with his cousins who are much older - 5+ , instead of with his biological father. With all that said, I recently went to do my first psychologist appt yesterday to discuss this all further. Keep in mind this is my first appt with this particular doctor, and the doctor suggested I either divorce her or separate at the least. The doctor further mentioned that there were way too many problems to solve in something like marriage counseling (and this doctor is a marriage counselor) when I asked her if marriage counseling might help us. What are your thoughts anyone? (Please be frank, but kind ... in a really rough state of mind right now) . Thanks Link to comment
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