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Ex texted me while I've been in no contact


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Ok whenever an ex contacts you, it's for their own reasons. He may be lonely, want a hookup etc. Consider carefully if you want to reopen this.

I do want to talk to him again, but I don't know what to make of what he said. I don't want to post the conversation, in case he happens to lurk on here.
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Don't respond. This is just the Ex trying to put themselves on your radar. They want you as an option still so they'll bait you to see if you can easily be pulled in. On some level every person thinks, "if it's meant to be we'll find our way back" but this is just something said to help them feel confident enough to move on. In this mindset they're thinking: if I can't find anything else maybe I can reconcile with my ex. Don't allow someone to let you be their backup plan, even if you're the one breaking up with him.

 

You being uncomfortable is proof that on some level you moved on. The tone of your post sounds like you're more curious than giddy that your ex messaged you.

 

I had a similar situation and I texted him back but I made clear boundaries. I made it clear that I had no interest in reconciliation on any level and that we could talk as friends but once I started getting uncomfortable I explained that I will cut the little contact we have. You really have to stand your ground because people will use you.

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I got a lot of helpful advice on here and from friends. Thanks everyone! :smug:

 

I think he's just playing games. Probably looking for an ego boost. o(>

 

I sort of gave him an ultimatum. I don't like mind games. I'm not going to play them. It's in his court now. He has to decide what he wants.

 

Meanwhile, I'm not going to worry about it or wait around for it. I've been back in no contact, doing my own thing, and having fun! :D Been doing great!! ( ノ^ω^)ノ゚ I hung out with someone, yesterday. And I had a lot of fun! :D

 

It is annoying that he keeps following me around on social, but whatever. └(・-・)┘

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No offense, but you are playing mind games,. You're leaving a door open for him, otherwise you'd block him from all means of communication.

 

While leaving the ball in his court waiting for him to "decide what he wants," you're giving him complete control. Either way, there's a method to his madness, and you're playing directly into his hand.

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This doesn't sound like an actual break up but a lover's quarrel. If you're both upset at each other over one incident (something that can be blown over by an apology), this is not a break up. Try not to do on again/off again relationships. It's unstable, disrespectful to both of you and creates unnecessary ultimatums. You're not teaching yourself how to work through problems in your relationship in better ways. If you both get back together, I'd strongly suggest you both work on your communication with each other and don't be so quick to cut each other off or break up.

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What happened was he reached out. He didn't give any sort of apology during the conversation, and he pretended like the fight never happened. We hadn't spoken to each other in over a month.

 

At the time of our break up, I was having a problem with someone at work. That's what he asked me about. He asked me how it was going. I just gave simple, straight forward replies. I ended up asking him why he reached out, since he had made it clear he didn't want to talk to me. He said, "I was just worried about how your job is going." :-/ I replied, "Okay. Well, you don't need to worry. It's all good." He said, "I just wanted to check that you're okay." I said, "I'm doing fine. Thanks." Then, he said, "I'll leave you alone." I replied, ":-/ I never said, 'Leave me alone.' If you want to talk, we can talk." And then, he went silent.

 

I hadn't blocked him on social, so he can follow me around and like my posts. I feel really bad about blocking people.

 

@Rose Mosse It was definitely a break up. He had told me, "F-ing leave me alone. Don't talk to me again." He said a lot of other mean things, but I'll omit them. That's why I was confused when he reached out asking me about my life.

Edited by Skylark89
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Regardless of why he is reaching out, can you accept the past anymore, or are you hurt it ever got to this point? If you are hurt, you should ask yourself if this is the love story you want for yourself? To be a second best. It's not. Don't allow him to make you wonder why you are secomd best. Don't question his motive. Don't accept being second best. It's just not you. All the best...

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  • 1 month later...

@Tammy72 Probably what I should do. :icon_sad:

 

@JamesDe I've been thinking a lot. Probably too much. I feel like I'm in my head all of the time. I was happy when he reached out and we talked again. However, it's like he doesn't acknowledge what he did. He hasn't apologized. That's what really hurts. Maybe if he did, I'd be willing to take a step forward. I don't know if I should say anything about it. I apologized for my side.

 

He did make an apologetic gesture towards me, but it was a passive apology. I'd like to hear the actual words. Is that petty? Adults should be able to say, "I'm sorry" in my opinion.

 

I asked him why he kept reaching out. He said he was worried about me. Then said, "I don't know." He went on to say that he doesn't want anything from me, but he would like to casually talk again..."serious doesn't seem to work well between us." My friend said it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. I wonder if he just wants me to be a back up option or an ego booster. :icon_sad: We haven't talked about what happened, because I have no idea how he'll respond. I think he will just shut down and get defensive. I'm getting to the point where I want to bring it up -- screw the consequences.

 

Besides that, we've just been talking like standard friends. No significant conversations. Mostly, small talk. It usually doesn't last more than an hour. I feel like he keeps doing this in/out thing. One day, he'll talk to me for a bit. The next, he barely says anything to me. I can't figure it out.

 

He also made a confusing comment. We were talking about Survivor. He randomly threw out, "I'd save you."

 

I feel like we're stuck in the middle, not going in any direction...just standing still. Does he want to reconcile or not? Is this a reconciliation? What is this really?

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When someone breaks up a relationship, they go through periods of questioning the decision, how soften the blow, how to keep everyone friendly yet maintain a fantasy world of it working exactly in their favor. He has very little understanding of your hurt in these mixed messages. He wants you as a friend, but at arms length, and if the better option(s) don't work out, then you are in consideration to be the safety net. In their mind, it's what is best for them, what they want out of all of it. For you...not so much in your best interest. My ex has apologized more than once, yet the distant "Did your daughter have a nice birthday?" questions she asks just to make pleasant conversation, with no real interest in an actual conversation, hurts just as much. An apology is just an apolgy in the end. 30 minutes later they no longer feel bad, they feel relief and excitement again. It's a nice gesture, but that is all it is.

 

Do your best to focus on how this is a good thing. Do something you couldn't do until now. Time will heal this like it always has for you before. You just need to allow the wounds to heal and avoid his mixed messages.

 

On last point. I was friends with my ex. She insisted. We were stuck in the middle, yet every day she chipped away at who I once was little by little until she just wanted me as a chat buddy in the office and to keep a distance otherwise. Maybe not your situation, but you will still drift unpredictably in clam waters. I wish I had left it behind me a while back. I am nothing to her now... Be careful with staying friends with your ex.

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