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Ex boyfriend wants to “take things slow”


Ellaho
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Hi guys, it’s been nearly 4 months since we broke up. As I said in my previous post my ex still snoops on my social media account since he has my password (i know because i get login notifications). He saw that there were a few guys messaging me. He then messaged me showing some signs of jealousy however he did realise I have no obligation to him since we are broken up. I still wanted to reconcile and I told him his behaviour is confusing and I don’t know what to do. I mentioned that after we broke up it was he who told me to “move on” and so i presumed he didn’t want me - to which he said was untrue. I also told him that our “in between status” needs to end if he has no intention of getting back together and that I would need to cut off all contact (this made him sad). He said to me he wants to take things slowly but doesn’t know how “slow”. How should we do this without being too overwhelming on each other?

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Are you still having sex with him and sexting him?

 

If you stopped, that would explain his sudden "sadness".

 

How does HE define "take it slow"?

 

And why don't you change your Facebook password? Do you like that he's reading your messages? Do you think it means he still loves you?

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Sorry but you have learnt nothing from your previous threads. Why even bother asking the same question over and over in different variations?

 

You have very low self-worth and self-respect. You are still delusional about your situation. If you allow yourself to be used as a sexual object, then that is what will happen to you, until he gets bored of your and/or a new girlfriend forbids further contact with you.

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First of all change your FB password.

 

He shouldn't be snooping because it is deceitful behavior.

 

Why would you want to reconcile with a deceitful man? I wouldn't trust him!

 

He told you to "move on" so do just that.

 

Take things slowly means he doesn't have any sincere intentions for you. At best, he wants to remain your acquaintance.

 

Cease all contact so you can "move on" for real.

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Sorry but you have learnt nothing from your previous threads. Why even bother asking the same question over and over in different variations?

 

You have very low self-worth and self-respect. You are still delusional about your situation. If you allow yourself to be used as a sexual object, then that is what will happen to you, until he gets bored of your and/or a new girlfriend forbids further contact with you.

 

I have to agree with the above.

 

OP, what you can't see right now because you're still quite young and inherently inexperienced is that this boy isn't going to be the great love of your life. You will have other boyfriends. He will have other girlfriends. You two will probably do this back-and-forth for a couple more months until one of you tires of it or starts dating someone else. The chances that this comes together and stays together as something healthy and long-lasting are just about zero now.

 

As we've told you in your other threads, you are only prolonging your own pain here.

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He's just keeping you at arms length to prevent you from going out with other guys, but has no intention of rekindling your relationship. He's still controlling you, and you are still being a damn fool. Cut him off, change your PW to everything, block delete his number, and if he every contacts you, don't read it or respond.

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Why didn't you change your password? Are you still sleeping with him and sexting, because that is not "slow"?

 

Why have you not cut him off? He is stringing you along with this "slow" crap. Either, he wants you, or he doesn't.

 

You are really handling this poorly. We have given you a lot of advice, which you seem to be ignoring. What do you gain from this site?

 

Go to the Journal section. You are gaining nothing from us.

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Trying to understand the mentality of a person who is perfectly okay with an X logging into social media accounts to find messages from other guys. The OP knows full well the X is snooping and its obvious she is okay with it. And probably more than okay with it, she probably likes it. If she didn't, she would of changed her password after the first log in notification and gotten mad about it.

OP. If your X is logging on to your social media accounts and you are accepting it, its not about taking slow. In your mind you are still dating him. He has you, he has control over you and it seems like you like it.

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And, why don't you respond to our comments? I think that that is disrespectful!

 

I have asked you repeatedly what the family issues were, which you NEVER answered?

 

I think that we should show you, the same respect that you have shown us.

 

I personally think continuously asking someone what their family issues are is annoying. Family issues, i’d like to keep to myself as it is a sensitive topic.

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OP are you here for actual advice or just to vent? If just to vent that is ok, but there is a journal section so maybe best to create one thread in that section and post when you need to vent.

 

Venting is good but posters get frustrated when you create different threads asking advice about same issue but then don't follow advice. I am sure you can understand that.

 

Good luck to you.

 

I guess you’re right. I am here for advice however i’m a very indecisive person, i’ll probably start a journal thread

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I personally think continuously asking someone what their family issues are is annoying. Family issues, i’d like to keep to myself as it is a sensitive topic.

 

I was asking to see if it were something substantial, or drama. That's it. We are strangers, so what does it matter!?

 

I also think it is "annoying" to ask the same question, over and over.

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He's just keeping you at arms length to prevent you from going out with other guys, but has no intention of rekindling your relationship. He's still controlling you, and you are still being a damn fool. Cut him off, change your PW to everything, block delete his number, and if he every contacts you, don't read it or respond.

 

Truth. At this point, you're a "side chick" to him.

 

Don't you feel that you deserve more than this from a relationship? Don't you think that there's someone out there on this planet of billions of people that will not treat you this way?

 

I'm willing to bet that the minute you cut him off, he'll come calling because you're "plan B" to him.

 

Do not let him back into your life at this point. This will be very hard but you need to make the decision to do this and stick to it. This means shutting down all means that you both can "check up" on each other electronically. Stay away from mutual friends as well. If you have to interact with them, your social status information is off limits to them.

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