Newlywed..and not in love

[boltnrun]

How did you forgive him for choking and hitting you? What does your therapist and your family think about that?

[Rose Mosse]

Thank you so much. As hard as it is to recognize, I feel you're completely right: I do have unrealistic expectations. As you mentioned, my mind is stuck in the dating phase and I need to accept that things and people change (including myself). I truly thank you for your honesty and advice.

 

It's part of getting older... gracefully. The gracefully part doesn't really get through to a lot of people though. You just do your own thing and put the nonsense of the past behind you. I don't agree with any violence and perhaps there are some things to work through with your therapist also. There may be uncovered resentment there that you may actually not be able to look past.

[AviationNut]

..........

[AviationNut]

Hello, smackie9. I appreciate you taking the time to answer, but I think the misunderstanding here is I do not wish to end my marriage.

 

YOU NEED TO. You are NOT a safe partner for your husband and you never ever will be. You've proven over and over again that you are a SERIAL cheater. If Adam suddenly showed up again, you'd be in bed with him in a split second. You can lie to us but you can't lie to yourself.

 

Like I mentioned before, I do love him (although I lack that intimacy and closeness from before) but we care deeply about each other and have accomplished great things together.

 

Don't lie to yourself. You do not love your partner. If you did you would NEVER have cheated on him in the first place. I'm guess you married him because he's "good on paper." Unfortunately for him, he was short changed in this marriage.

 

I want to WORK on this marriage, not throw it out the window. I'm looking for advice on how to get closer to my husband again, not how to break our new famiy apart.

 

Too late for that, don't you think?

 

 

Hi Batya33. Actually, I am not being self-absorbed. I am giving my everything for him and for our marriage. Financially, emotionally, as well as with time and actions. I agree I made mistakes on the past, but I can honestly say I'm a good wife. I just want to miss him when he travels, to hold his hand and get butterflies in my tummy.

Othe rthan that, no, I am not being self-centered in any way.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to this thread.

 

You have an extremely selfish, self-centered, and narcissistic view of the situation. In all honesty, you’re probably a narcissist and need to go see a therapist. Not couple’s counseling. You need individual therapy. You’re a very very broken person.

 

This is the only comment I have found offensive, but as I put myself out there I get that there is always the risk of comments like this.

So here it goes: No, my family wasn't okay with me ''bouncing from man to man''. My now husband has been the only man I have ever introduced them to and they had known him since we were still teenagers. I had never before cheated, or been with other men. In fact, my now husband was my first time and that was after we talked about getting married (but before Adam).

 

Who gives a care if you found this comment offensive? It’s true and indicative that your lack of integrity is a family trait rather than something that is only a problem with you. Quite frankly, your family is full of hypocrites. To sit there, on your wedding day, smiling and congratulating the man you slept around on over and over again? That’s really the bottom of the barrel right there. And no, I do not care if you find this offensive. It’s something you need to hear. Your parents are enablers. I could never imagine supporting my children’s choice to have an affair. But then again, I have integrity.

[Wiseman2]

Living in a fantasy land will not compensate for marrying an abuser.

[AviationNut]

Living in a fantasy land will not compensate for marrying an abuser.

 

Yup, she is an abuser and her husband needs to realize this sooner rather than later and save himself from more heartbreak and sorrow at the hands of this unfaithful and dishonest woman. You are 100% right.

 

 

She became an abuser the moment she stepped out of the relationship and continued to be one every time she decided to contact Adam in any way, shape, or form.

 

For whatever reason you seem to think that him slapping her absolves her of her egregious behavior. It doesn't. The BOTH behaved inappropriately and for some reason you're incapable of understanding this or just how terrible OP is towards her partner. Emotional abuse is just as bad as being physically abused.

[Realitynut]

AviationNut...you sound as if you have anger issues! We try to treat people on here with respect....at least I hope we do!

[AviationNut]

AviationNut...you sound as if you have anger issues! We try to treat people on here with respect....at least I hope we do!

 

Meh, if you have a problem with the advice I provided, don’t read it or move on. Don’t try to thread jack though.