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Is he cheating? Found AD Twitter


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I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months (known each other for 2 years). Things have been perfect between us; the conversation never stops, we constantly want to be around each other, and he’s the sweetest most thoughtful guy ever....I get butterflies every time he touches or looks at me. Welp...I’m realizing there is no such thing as perfect.

 

I discover that my BF has an after dark twitter account. He tweets about sex and and retweets porn links, that’s not what bothers me. The issue I have is that he post photos of his penis and videos of him masturbating and cumming. It gets worse....he converses with people under these posts about sexual things they would do. BOTH WOMEN AND MEN. I have no issues that he did this before we are together, however his posting has not stopped since with got together. I feel like this is low key cheating...cyber cheating.

 

What do I do? How do I bring this up to him? I don’t want this to be the demise of our relationship.

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I mean if you are truly honest with yourself - is what he is doing acceptable to you? If yes, then you say nothing and accept his behavior along with all the potential consequences of that. If not, you walk away while it's still only three months and easy to walk. There is no middle ground here.

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wellllllll, he's got a double life that's for sure. IMO he has an addiction. I'm sure it will escalate into something more in the future. It's one thing to view porn, but to participate in it is another. Obviously a relationship doesn't make him stop....that right there shows he's got a problem. And like any addict, he will not give this up. He will try and hide it, and keep doing it behind your back. You can't change this, so I suggest you dump and run.

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How did you happen upon this account? You need to get to a clinic and get tested for STDs and end it. Stop pretending you're the "cool gf" and putting up with anyone's extracurricular sexual adventures.

 

It should be the demise of the relationship. What you stumbled upon is the tip of the iceberg. And it will not stop because you "talked to him". He will just hide it better. You're in denial and when you "talk to him", here's what he'll tell you: "it's nothing", "I was just curious", "I only look when I'm bored", "I'll shut it down", etc.. Of course none of that is true.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months

 

The issue I have is that he post photos of his penis and videos of him masturbating and cumming. It gets worse....he converses with people under these posts about sexual things they would do. BOTH WOMEN AND MEN.I don’t want this to be the demise of our relationship.

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I like DancingFool's take.

 

In broad brushstrokes on this subject matter, I'd say we're living in a time where the majority of people are pretty fine with the idea of people masturbating to internet porn, with a small percentage not being okay with it and another, even smaller percentage being okay with habits and behaviors along the line of what you've discovered your boyfriend is into. There is probably a pretty large crossover in that camp with people who are also okay with their partners having sex with people who are not them.

 

If you fall into that latter camp, proceed. If not, I'd pull out.

 

Because take a moment to think about what even trying to bridge that divide looks like. Do you want to be in a relationship where this is something you two "work on" together? Do you want this to be something you "communicate well" about, and "grow closer" through that communication? Do you even want to be a woman who has to bring this up to a man? Or would the very act of going down that path mean stepping into a world you have no interest being part of, a woman you don't want to be, both in the world and inside a relationship?

 

Part of dating is picking the people we want to seriously invest in, and part of making that investment is getting to ask which "issues" we're genuinely willing to engage with. The first three months are still very much the time when people are revealing themselves, so we get to assess what we see as more is revealed, to decide if we want to continue engaging. My girlfriend is a little headstrong, for instance, in ways I 98 percent admire and am attracted to. That two percent hasn't been an "issue" in 8 months, but I could see it coming up here and there if we go the distance I'd like to go, as I'm sure she's got some qualities of mine earmarked.

 

But I'm game for that 2 percent being part of our 100 percent. Were she part of an after dark community that shared masturbation videos—no, I wouldn't be game for that. I wouldn't consider if cheating or cyber-cheating, for the record, because it wouldn't have anything to do with me. It would have predated me, because it would simply be part of who she is, something she was into that made it impossible for me to stay in it.

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Everything bluecastle said; also, step back from yourself for a moment and honestly assess this as an outsider.

 

If a friend came to you that she had fallen for a guy who was perfect in every way ... except that little thing where he keeps a secret twitter account where he and others masturbate and post videos of it while talking about the sex they would have together ... would you feel your friend may be having some honeymoon-period feelings where she doesn't want to admit something is very much bothering her and will as long as she's in the relationship and it isn't addressed properly?

 

We all have our flaws, yes. Nobody is perfect I agree

 

I talk during movies, feel tinges of jealousy I work to keep controlled, can be cocky and arrogant only to realize it later, tend to have trouble getting the initiative to try new things and it turns out that when I feel true attraction to someone I can ruin it by moving too fast.

 

This guy is masturbating in a secret twitter account and posting videos of it for mutual pleasure with other people

 

End of the day, you got to pick what you like about a person and what you dislike and weigh the two - because what you dislike won't go away, you either accept that person or move on.

 

The above - personally - would be a deal breaker in a girlfriend because it is far too outside of my comfort zone of the activity I want in a partner ...

 

 

And no, it won't stop. Sexual proclivity is hardwired - so you need to decide if when you picture the right person, does that person also spend his time masturbating on video to a group of other people and discuss sexual fantasies with them - let alone anything else you'll likely uncover.

Edited by RyanMI
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Dump him. Gross!

 

He sounds weird and like he has issues.

 

How could you even be in question about not getting rid of this creep!

 

He is cheating. And, you should raise your standards.

 

Get tested! I hope you used condoms!

Edited by Hollyj
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What do I do? How do I bring this up to him? I don’t want this to be the demise of our relationship.

 

Trust me! he is not going to change this part of him just because of you. this is something that will need to be dealt with on his own and will probably be a life long struggle for him.

 

once the butterfly stage comes to an end and you're together for years, he will venture back into these habits. i dated a guy once who admitted to me he let girls and guys go down on him AND he had gone down on guys too! i tried to deal with it but the relationship had to end.

 

there are a lot of men who think porn is normal bedroom activity and have been corrupted to think they are porn stars themselves and should be doing kinky strange things in the bedroom. i wouldn't be surprised if he asked you to do things to him someday that you're uncomfortable with. some men just want more and keep looking for the next new thing to try, it's just not healthy at all.

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I mean if you are truly honest with yourself - is what he is doing acceptable to you? If yes, then you say nothing and accept his behavior along with all the potential consequences of that. If not, you walk away while it's still only three months and easy to walk. There is no middle ground here.

 

Yep. Middle ground would mean telling him how you know all of this, and you can't anticipate how he'll respond to that. Even if he were willing to deal with your surveillance without bucking you, it won't mean that he'll ever trust YOU again. Then, what kind of outcome could you expect from asking him to stop his activities? If he agrees, you won't know whether he'll resent you, or whether he'll just keep doing it and while hiding it better from you.

 

There is no 'good' outcome to raising this with him. I'd decide whether you want to accept this behavior from him, or not, and if not, I'd skip exposing my snooping and move on.

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I don't have Twitter so I didn't even know you could put porn on there! Well the problem I see here is that he is showing himself sexually to millions of other people and discussing sexual things and this is without your agreement or talking to you about it at all. E.g. my partner and I put some videos of us on Pornhub, but we did the videos together and we both agreed to put them up. However we are not sending porn to any people individually or talking to any other people. I mean if you are not OK with it then he should hide his account or at least delete all the masturbation photos and videos.

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