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What happens to friendships after highschool?


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I just started my last year of highschool, and I am already starting to think and worry about the end. I've always been independent, and I dont think that I will be sad to never see some of my friends again, but there is one person that I am really scared to say goodbye to. I had a recent situation while I was on a small vacation where I met a girl, developed feelings for her, then the vacation ended and I didnt get her social media or anything. I was so angry with myself, and learned that I should always take my chances. I dont want the same thing happening to this girl, because I have really developed a great friendship with her. Shes the only person that has truly made me happy when I was with her, and I want her to stay in my life. I don't know what to do to keep her around after highschool without giving off the wrong idea that I want to be her "boyfriend". So far I have no classes with her this year, so i likely wont run into her unless I approach her. Do I just have to accept that I am nutz and most friends dont really keep in touch after highschool?

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I am going into Chemical engineering

 

So you're going to college?

 

I promise, you are going to meet so many people in college! You will make dozens of friends. You most likely will not be pining away for someone from back in high school.

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Unfortunately, after HS, many friendships fizzle or dissolve. Sure, there is social media but it's not the same as seeing friends everyday at school, frequently socializing and enjoying camaraderie often. HS friends drift apart and after college, too. Friends drift apart during adulthood when people move away or simply lose interest in each other. It's nothing personal either. It's just that people move in all sorts of directions in life whether it's with jobs, moving, marrying, having families and getting immersed in their new lives which is a stark difference from their past with you. This is part of life.

 

It's sad but try to look at the positive. Depending on what stage in your life you're at, people will constantly waft in and out of it.

 

In my experience, my more permanent friends were in person, nurtured friendships. My BFF is from when we were only 9 years old, she was my maid-of-honor and our sons are the same age. My mother close friends are from church. My other friends are from my sons former sports team.

 

I have one friend from HS. Even though she reached out to me after she moved closer to me, there were so many blank years in between that we're strangers now and I've since lost interest to rekindle our lost friendship. It's no one's fault. It's just how life is.

 

If you wish to retain your HS (and / or college) friends, you need to make sure that you constantly cultivate, nurture and maintain those friendships after you part ways because if you don't, people get lazy and friendships dissolve very easily as years pass by. People become very busy as they're immersed in their own lives. Everyone is this way. Keep in touch and go through great lengths to see each other in person at every opportunity because once people become "out of sight, out of mind," you can say farewell to your previous friendships permanently.

 

I know it's more convenient through social media / emails / texts / messages to keep in touch but keep in mind, it will only be in electronic written form which isn't the same as seeing friends in person at least every now and then.

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I am going into Chemical engineering

 

Congratulations! CE was my cousin's major as well.

 

You will meet a ton of friends in college. Just be prepared because after college, many friends will go their own way in life just as you will. Friendships part ways because life takes everyone in different directions and everyone takes their own trajectory. (Career, job changes, moving away, meeting someone, marrying, having kids, etc.) Priorities change for everyone.

 

Sure, there is social media but it's not the same as getting together frequently IN PERSON.

 

Generally, with life and usually, people have friends within their locale or geography. Naturally, if you see one another frequently, you'll feel closer to friends this way. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes friends or people to drift apart permanently.

 

Accept life for what it is. Friends or people will constantly waft in and out of your life depending on what stage of life you're at. I had friends in HS, college and beyond. Currently, I'm with friends within my community because obviously I see them more frequently so it's easier to maintain friendships this way.

 

We're nostalgic for the past and then friends go their separate ways. Unfortunately, some friendships are only temporary depending on your life's stages. As long as you know this, your expectations about friendships will be realistic.

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Stay in touch via social media. If this is more than a friend, ask her out. Hanging out together does not make you her bf. Keep it low key .

I just started my last year of highschool, I dont want the same thing happening to this girl, because I have really developed a great friendship with her. the wrong idea that I want to be her "boyfriend".
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I had no internet or social media in the mid 1980s when I graduated. Some people I stayed in touch with and not others, some I reconnected with many years later on Facebook. It just all depended. We stayed in touch by getting together, phone calls, and handwritten letters to colleges. One of my closest friends and I have been close since we were 14 and freshmen in different high schools. We weren't as much in touch during college given geography but we stayed bonded and close. We're now 53 and still close and have not lived in the same city since 1990.

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I just started my last year of highschool, and I am already starting to think and worry about the end. I've always been independent, and I dont think that I will be sad to never see some of my friends again, but there is one person that I am really scared to say goodbye to. I had a recent situation while I was on a small vacation where I met a girl, developed feelings for her, then the vacation ended and I didnt get her social media or anything. I was so angry with myself, and learned that I should always take my chances. I dont want the same thing happening to this girl, because I have really developed a great friendship with her. Shes the only person that has truly made me happy when I was with her, and I want her to stay in my life. I don't know what to do to keep her around after highschool without giving off the wrong idea that I want to be her "boyfriend". So far I have no classes with her this year, so i likely wont run into her unless I approach her. Do I just have to accept that I am nutz and most friends dont really keep in touch after highschool?

 

At that age I gave out fake phone numbers because I didn't want to be reached by boys who couldn't take no for an answer. You're not going to "keep her around" if she doesn't to have anything to do with you. This isn't a one-way street (where what you want is all that matters).

 

Ask her point blank whether she'd like to keep in touch after highschool. If she says no, take it for that exact answer.

 

Not everyone keeps in touch after highschool.

Edit: Good job on getting in for engineering. Stay on top of things and don't be afraid to make new friends.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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You remind me of me. Don't be concerned with this. Message her, tell her how you feel, let it build. But know this, this is simply a step in your life. College is a new world, a new life. Everything you see in her, you will find in others. You are not yet aware of what you really need, who you really are, what you really want. Keep in touch with her, but trust me if you can, your life is just in the beginning, and this next stage is so important to you that you do not want to be locked down in the past. I wish you luck. I'll tell you this, as I tell my own son. If you ever need someone to get you through a breakup, message me. You will not like what I tell you, but I promise I will be your best friend. Good luck with your future.

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Projecting to the future, being anxious about who won't remain in your life is a waste of time. There are friends from back in high school who I had great fun with. As adults, many of them have turned into people I'd never want to hang out with.

 

If you miss her friendship, tell her so, and then maybe you can make plans to hang out after school or attend a school play together or a football game. But don't worry about the future. Try to stay in the present and take things day by day. The only control you have is to be a good friend, and then you see if your friends put in the same effort as you. If they don't, you let the friendship fade away and that's okay. Sometimes people grow apart for no big reason. Sometimes schedules get in the way. If that's your biggest worry in life, you have it pretty good. You will be ten times busier in college than you've been in high school, so I have a feeling you'll be too busy to worry about much besides keeping up with your course work once there. Enjoy your senior year!

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You are lucky you have social media, we didn't have that or I would have kept in touch with more people. Everyone is different. Me, I still have friends that I met when I was 2 and I'm 55 now. And at 55, I'm still meeting new people and making new friends. And yet with social media, a lot of people I grew up with keep popping up and adding me. So OP you have nothing to worry about. All you have to do is keep in contact.

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Social media is a great way to stay connected.

 

Also keep in mind that after HS and college and when you become more settled, you will have new friends enter that stage in your life. These friends will be within your locale and geography which means you can actually get together with them IN PERSON instead of just being a faceless nobody behind your PC / cell phone on FB or social media. While social media is all well and good, it will never compare to actual in-person camaraderie which is more gratifying.

 

Anyone can have "friends" on social media which isn't the same as having a face-to-face conversation with a real person in the flesh. This could be meeting friends for meals, inviting each other to your homes, sharing activities together whether it's sports, hobbies, outings, excursions, shared interests, entertainment or intellectual pursuits. This is the way to nurture and maintain REAL friendships for life especially if you can see them frequently due to convenience because they reside nearby you.

 

It's unhealthy and isolating to only rely and depend on social media for friends. There are health benefits to having REAL friends within your community and not isolating yourself will give your life longevity.

Edited by Cherylyn
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So in my experience living in a major city the first 43 years of my life and having social media in any real form only in my late 30s at the very earliest, my friends after high school and after college were a mix of people I saw frequently in real life and people who I saw infrequently - because I grew up in a major city, it attracted many many people who only came for college, for grad school, for a job that didn't last more than a few years while the friends I grew up with also scattered -either for college, or because their field had more jobs on the opposite coast or in other major cities, etc. This was also because many of my friends -myself included -pursued professional careers which required relocation (but mine did not, I relocated after 43 years only because I got married to someone where relocation was very very likely for his job), and a number of my friends, myself included, got married later in life and therefore that affected where they lived, where they worked, how long they worked (meaning having kids can affect the type of job you have and where you live of course).

 

I find close bonds with both people I see frequently and people I rarely see. I haven't seen my older sister in well over a year or more but we speak a couple of times a week, now we text some, and we are extremely close. Same with my mother who I haven't seen in 6 months -we speak at least 5 times a week on the phone but we never text or email because she is not on the internet. In my community now I've met a number of people in person, some I am planning to meet in person as soon as we can find a good time to do so, and some I've now known for a number of years (lived here 10 years). I have been close with neighbors in my building, I do have people I see in person regularly and those people are not necessarily close friends and proximity doesn't mean we have anything much in common other than living close by. I don't need in person contact to be very close platonically although for me it was essential for romantic relationships. And I've found the same the other way.

 

Two of my closest friends other than my sister I don't see for years -one has lived on the opposite coast since 1990 and the other still lives in my hometown but we were not in touch at all from 2001-2009. We met in the 1970s when we were in junior high, lost touch in high school, reconnected in college and lost touch -her choice -when she'd been married for 10 years (I was one of her bridesmaids). Now we're in touch almost daily by text, and saw each other about 6 months ago but might not see each other this year. And we're very close, very connected, share minutae as well as the big stuff. The friend on the opposite coast -different time zones make it hard and when we get to talk it's like no time has passed although because we both have younger kids our conversations sometimes are disjointed.

 

Certainly different strokes for different folks. Some people need in person contact to be close, I do not, although there is a big difference to me -for better or for worse -between people I've never met and those I've met even only once or twice. I definitely feel more connected if we've at least met once in person. I have a friend like that who now lives on the opposite coast -we met about 15 years ago once, originally met through a message board like this one, and we speak by phone about once a month or so about really meaningful stuff and really silly stuff. I also met her daughter back then so even though she's now starting college I feel like I at least met her -gives me context.

 

So put in the effort to stay connected, put in the effort to meet up when you can -and I mean effort -I mean being responsive to texts, e-mails and calls, remembering important dates (like I have my friend's next MRI next week in my phone -and I haven't seen her since February), taking the time to make a plan to meet and following through unless there is an emergency, etc.

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Everyone needs to learn how to keep and maintain relationship after high school. That's what social media is for--or phone numbers. If you're friends, develop the friendship the best you can over the course of the school year. From there you can let her know that you don't want to lose touch just because school will no longer be your container.

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See if FB or other social media has a page for your school/classmates. If so, join and follow and post and get involved. If she is on any, invite/follow/friend her. Put up a nice profile, pics and some interesting posts. Follow/friend your classmates and occasionally post or comment something fun/nice on their page. By widening your circle of school friends this way, you can eventually find ways to stay in touch with her and others.

I dont want the same thing happening to this girl, because I have really developed a great friendship with her. Shes the only person that has truly made me happy when I was with her, and I want her to stay in my life.
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I've had the same BFF ever since I was 9 years old! She and I were close as children at school, weekends, we grew up together, she was my maid-of-honor, our sons are the same age and she resides 30 minutes away. We drive to each other's houses all the time. We are lucky because both of us remained in the same county all our lives. We meet each other 1 - 2 times a month beginning with a walk at a high end mall, eat an early lunch at a French bistro, walk some more, shop and after 9.5 hours together, she drives me to her house where I parked my car and I depart for home. This is our ritual and I love it.

 

If you want an in-person friendship, then it requires mutual energy and time. It's joyous to see each other and catch up every month. Sometimes, it's a foursome and the husbands join us for a restaurant rendezvous.

 

Church is a great way to establish in-person friendships or people whom you see regularly every week.

 

If you have kids someday, you'll become friends with other parents through children.

 

My mother and sister live nearby but they're very busy so we get together during random times of the year schedules permitting. We get together with the in-laws whenever we can fit them into our schedules.

 

Everyone else is a social media friend or text / email / message / cell phone call type friend. Sometimes, convenience is too easy and will have to do because it's not always realistic to get together as often as you'd like. People are very busy juggling their lives with work, long commutes, sometimes business travels and spread apart from one end of the country to the other. If typing to people is the best you and they can do, they it is what it is.

 

However, I encourage you to cultivate, nurture and maintain in-person friendships because there's only so much typing or phone chatting you can do before you begin to feel rather isolated in computer land.

 

With in-person friendships, you have something to look forward to the old-fashioned way such as get together, enjoy good food, observe each other laugh, partake in activities together or simply sit on a bench and catch up. There's the beauty of verbal back 'n forth dialogue, facial expressions and in person camaraderie trumps all else. It's pure joy to share laughter and good times with friends in person.

 

After that, camp on your cell phone or computer and revert to social media, emails, texts, messenger and phone calls at your convenience.

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