Holy Carp, I'm Getting Married!

[WithLove]

It feels kind of cool to be doing the celebration first and the ceremony second, but I feel like it will mostly be a formality. We've been living together for 2 years and people are surprised when they learn that we aren't married already.

 

He did bring up a wedding at Disney, but it's very expensive and they require you to make reservations EIGHTEEN (18!) months in advance!!

[itsallgrand]

That sounds fun! Congrats !

[Batya33]

It feels kind of cool to be doing the celebration first and the ceremony second, but I feel like it will mostly be a formality. We've been living together for 2 years and people are surprised when they learn that we aren't married already.

 

He did bring up a wedding at Disney, but it's very expensive and they require you to make reservations EIGHTEEN (18!) months in advance!!

 

This reminds me of when my friend got married in the mid 1990s. They'd moved in together and without telling anyone they went to a justice of the peace and got married. But they already had their caholic wedding planned. Right before the wedding she found out her husband hadn't actually gotten his first marriage annulled which I guess meant no catholic wedding. So two weeks before the wedding she told her parents (1) they were already civilly married; and (2) her husband couldn't yet be married in the catholic church. Her religious father had a total meltdown! But the invitations were out, the huge reception planned so we attended her "renewal of the vows" officiated by the catholic priest and enjoyed the awesome italian food at the venue. So, it all worked out (years later he finally got his anullment and they had a small catholic ceremony) . I believe they're still married!

[abitbroken]

It feels kind of cool to be doing the celebration first and the ceremony second, but I feel like it will mostly be a formality. We've been living together for 2 years and people are surprised when they learn that we aren't married already.

 

He did bring up a wedding at Disney, but it's very expensive and they require you to make reservations EIGHTEEN (18!) months in advance!!

 

Its kind of like everybody giving you a send off, so to speak.

[WithLove]

Well, we learned very quickly that people want a LOT of money for a ceremony and reception, and we don't really care all that much about putting so much time, money and effort into all of that, so we're changing our plans. We're going to find a park or somewhere around our town and have a quick, intimate ceremony with my good friend (who is ordained) as the minister, and then we're going to meet friends and family at a restaurant later that day. No decorations, no dancing (because he doesn't like to dance), no music - just good food and good people. And then we will head up to Disney World ourselves (and anyone else that wants to go that has annual passes or whatever) for a couple days right after.

 

I can't wait!! We are going to the jewelry store that a friend of mine works in, who actually repairs and makes the jewelry. We're going to see her on Saturday to design my ring. He has family heirloom tanzanite stones that he got from my mom to put into an engagement ring. He won't let me tell anyone til I have a ring to show off!

[Seraphim]

Well, we learned very quickly that people want a LOT of money for a ceremony and reception, and we don't really care all that much about putting so much time, money and effort into all of that, so we're changing our plans. We're going to find a park or somewhere around our town and have a quick, intimate ceremony with my good friend (who is ordained) as the minister, and then we're going to meet friends and family at a restaurant later that day. No decorations, no dancing (because he doesn't like to dance), no music - just good food and good people. And then we will head up to Disney World ourselves (and anyone else that wants to go that has annual passes or whatever) for a couple days right after.

 

I can't wait!! We are going to the jewelry store that a friend of mine works in, who actually repairs and makes the jewelry. We're going to see her on Saturday to design my ring. He has family heirloom tanzanite stones that he got from my mom to put into an engagement ring. He won't let me tell anyone til I have a ring to show off!

 

It all sounds lovely ,K. We had a small no nonsense wedding too and then we went to Quebec city for 2 weeks.

[Rose Mosse]

Well, we learned very quickly that people want a LOT of money for a ceremony and reception, and we don't really care all that much about putting so much time, money and effort into all of that, so we're changing our plans. We're going to find a park or somewhere around our town and have a quick, intimate ceremony with my good friend (who is ordained) as the minister, and then we're going to meet friends and family at a restaurant later that day. No decorations, no dancing (because he doesn't like to dance), no music - just good food and good people. And then we will head up to Disney World ourselves (and anyone else that wants to go that has annual passes or whatever) for a couple days right after.

 

I can't wait!! We are going to the jewelry store that a friend of mine works in, who actually repairs and makes the jewelry. We're going to see her on Saturday to design my ring. He has family heirloom tanzanite stones that he got from my mom to put into an engagement ring. He won't let me tell anyone til I have a ring to show off!

 

Congratulations. :) Good on both of you for realizing what works for you and narrowing things down. We also had a small ceremony and did something similar. I've been reading the thread and wanted to wait to see what your decision would be.

 

Have fun!

[WithLove]

We went to the jewelry store on Saturday and bf bought my engagement ring! It's being designed and made by a friend of mine that is a teammate in my sport. I should get it in about two weeks!

[Seraphim]

❤️

....

....

We went to the jewelry store on Saturday and bf bought my engagement ring! It's being designed and made by a friend of mine that is a teammate in my sport. I should get it in about two weeks!

[reinventmyself]

Ohhhh. . .I just saw this!

I am sorry happy for you. Congratulations Sweetie !!!

[reinventmyself]

Soooooo happy. (Not sorry) stupid auto correct ;)

[WithLove]

Opinions needed!

 

We secured a garden gazebo in a local community garden located in a park. It cost all of $25 to reserve it for the day. Fiancé (that word is still weird to type out!!) and I talked and he thinks that my family, a lot of whom are within a 3 hour radius, will be sorely disappointed if they do not get invited to the ceremony, so he thinks it will be better if we invite everyone, instead of just our folks and two witnesses like originally planned. Luckily our guest list is maxed out at about 50 people right now, and the location can hold up to 70. We are looking into renting chairs etc, as the park only supplies the gazebo (which is fine). I had the thought to just ask everyone to bring their own chair, but I guess that would just seem, you know, cheap. Thoughts?

 

Another thing I wanted opinions on is the lunch celebration we are doing afterwards. We really do not want to fork out the money to feed 50-odd people, whether buffet or table service, because that same night, we are driving up to Disney and spending the week in Orlando. We have been doing some heavy research over the last week, and I have found two restaurants that have private space in which to accommodate us. What I would like to do is have a notice on the wedding invite that explains that in lieu of a gift, we would love everyone to join us for a celebratory meal at "xxx". I think they call it "No Host". I don't want to state "you have to pay your own way", even though it is that simple. Does this seem to gauche?

 

And here are our two options: one of them is a steakhouse that has a private space that holds 70 people. They will allow us and our guests have the space without charging us for a table service or buffet, but we must agree to a limited menu (that we pick, there are like 6 different limited menu options they offer) that everyone will be able to pick what they want from (not including drinks, but they do have a drink menu), and then they will just split the bill up at the end so that each person is charged what a normal plate at a table service would be, if we were paying for it ourselves. That way the restaurant is able to make their "minimum" charges so that it's worth their time.

 

The other option is a nice, modern bar/restaurant that is closer to the park where the ceremony is being held. The first floor is the dining area, and the second floor (the private area) is an open rooftop (but with some areas covered) bar area with seating. It's a beautiful space, but it is outside. Additionally, that area can't offer buffet or table service, because they don't really have a means of getting staff up there all at once to serve, etc. What they can offer is that each guest will just have their own tab, and people can order off the menu as normal. There is always a live band that plays downstairs, and on a Sunday afternoon it will be something light and mood-appropriate, which we will be able to hear upstairs on the rooftop. The cons: since the food portion won't be orchestrated all at once, we will run the risk of people not getting their food all at once; they can only guarantee the private rooftop area for 3 hours, afterwards they will open it to the general public (although they won't kick us out, of course); and my fiancé and I will have to pay a $350 fee to hold the space (not refundable). So we'd be paying for a space and that fee would not include any food.

 

Thoughts? It helps to type everything out!

[Seraphim]

If you are not having a meal don’t invite these extra people .

[Batya33]

I would not ask people to bring their own chairs or pay their own way for food. I have seen cash bars at certain wedding receptions but never where the guests pay for their own meal. No one is obligated to give a gift so asking in lieu of gift to split a bill for a meal where many might drink a lot more, etc can get burdensome and be way more than they wanted to spend on a gift. Certainly I've seen "no gifts needed but if you would like to make a donation to ____ charity please feel free".

 

Does the guest list include kids/significant others or plus ones (just to check as far as what the limit is for the space).

 

If you want people to be there for the ceremony then I'd do non-alcoholic beverages and simple snacks/appetizers and indicate "ceremony/light refreshments to follow." And have it at a time where they can then leave and go get a meal elsewhere on their own time/dime.

 

I know it's complicated! (We limited it to 10 guests and treated for lunch after).

[reinventmyself]

Can you do this at someone's home?

A nice backyard wedding and you can elicit help from friends and family to cook a simple meal that goes a long way.

Some pasta and salad maybe? Or just hors d'oeuvres?

I also wouldn't ask people to bring chairs and divide the meal check. I didn't know that could be done.

Things have changed, so maybe I am out of the loop.

[Batya33]

Can you do this at someone's home?

A nice backyard wedding and you can elicit help from friends and family to cook a simple meal that goes a long way.

Some pasta and salad maybe? Or just hors d'oeuvres?

I also wouldn't ask people to bring chairs and divide the meal check. I didn't know that could be done.

Things have changed, so maybe I am out of the loop.

 

I was also going to suggest a backyard and perhaps close family could help with potluck type dishes.

[WithLove]

Honestly, I was pretty bummed about the feedback about the No Host dinner. I honestly would not mind at all to get an invite like that, as I never presume to know someone's finances, and it shocked and bummed me out about knowing that people would consider not going just because they have to pay for a meal.

 

In light of that, I told bf that I think we should cater. My father told me over the weekend that some extended family "would be devastated" that I did not invite them. They are aunts and uncles of his that I see once every 5-10 years, so I did not intend to invite them; but Dad told me that since they are getting old, they can't travel as often, and they would use it as a reason/opportunity to get together with family, and I should let them do that. Which is fine, but.... I'll be paying for them to do that (with food etc).

 

So, the guest head count has increase to like 60.

[Batya33]

Honestly, I was pretty bummed about the feedback about the No Host dinner. I honestly would not mind at all to get an invite like that, as I never presume to know someone's finances, and it shocked and bummed me out about knowing that people would consider not going just because they have to pay for a meal.

 

In light of that, I told bf that I think we should cater. My father told me over the weekend that some extended family "would be devastated" that I did not invite them. They are aunts and uncles of his that I see once every 5-10 years, so I did not intend to invite them; but Dad told me that since they are getting old, they can't travel as often, and they would use it as a reason/opportunity to get together with family, and I should let them do that. Which is fine, but.... I'll be paying for them to do that (with food etc).

 

So, the guest head count has increase to like 60.

 

I would go if I could go -if I could afford it (meaning depending on how much it would cost to travel there, stay at a hotel, etc) and it might affect budget wise what kind of gift I would give. I would strongly consider not going if it was a split the bill situation involving alcohol because I have at the very most one glass of wine and for me personally having to pay for other people's alcohol consumption which can be extremely pricey might factor into whether I could afford to go. Same if the restaurant was very expensive - I'm not a 4 course meal type of person or ordering the lobster so again I wouldn't want to pay for other guests' indulgences. I would definitely do a potluck and bring something or order something to be shipped (like wine, or whatever was needed).

To me it's like what many friends of mine have done on birthdays -you take the birthday person out for dinner, pay for the birthday person and pay for yourself. In those situations my paying for her dinner is the gift. Sometimes I also donate to a charity but I don't feel I also have to bring a gift on top of paying for my own meal and part of the birthday person. Yes I still go.

 

If your father wants this to be a family reunion type situation then IMHO you should not have to pay for all of those additional guests.

[reinventmyself]

Honestly, I was pretty bummed about the feedback about the No Host dinner. I honestly would not mind at all to get an invite like that, as I never presume to know someone's finances, and it shocked and bummed me out about knowing that people would consider not going just because they have to pay for a meal.

 

In light of that, I told bf that I think we should cater. My father told me over the weekend that some extended family "would be devastated" that I did not invite them. They are aunts and uncles of his that I see once every 5-10 years, so I did not intend to invite them; but Dad told me that since they are getting old, they can't travel as often, and they would use it as a reason/opportunity to get together with family, and I should let them do that. Which is fine, but.... I'll be paying for them to do that (with food etc).

 

So, the guest head count has increase to like 60.

 

It may be becoming an outdated tradition, but it used to be that the brides parents paid for the wedding. I know mine did.

Are your parents offering any support, especially in light of having some input about the guest list?

 

Thinking back, I did go to a no host dinner for a couple that got married at city hall. We met them at a restaurant afterwards. But I think there were no more than a dozen of us. It was very informal.

 

I just wouldn't don't know how to handle that with a group that size.

[WithLove]

My parents haven't really offered any support and I haven't asked. K and I are more financially stable than they are. We're paying for this on our own.

[WithLove]

Our invitations came in and they aren't the right color. They appear to be *close* to our color when viewed in photos, but to the naked eye, they are much different. Bf contacted the company yesterday to see what they would say - we are prepared to keep them regardless, as they are still attractive and quite nice, just not "our color" - and the agent believes that there was a printer error. They are redoing and sending us new ones for free.

 

We went to a cake tasting on Sunday, and while the cakes were delicious, we ran into issues with the event planner. She wasn't the same one we had when we initially spoke to this company, and basically we were told that all of the things we wanted weren't possible because "they just don't do that", even though the first event planner gave us a bunch of different options. It felt like they were just stuck in their policies/procedures and refused to accommodate us. And really, what we want is not complicated - a flat sheet cake in our colors with a design similar to our wedding invites (even if not the entire cake, just the middle or a portion of it). I called the company today and spoke with our original event planner, and she was shocked at the experience we had with the other one. She asked me to come in to discuss further. And we really wanted to go with this company, because they are a local grocery store chain that can cater as well, so we could just do everything through them. But if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

 

I guess even little weddings don't always run smoothly.

 

 

But some good news: we are going to have just my Maid of Honor and his Best Man, no other bridesmaids or groomsmen. I found this really pretty card that has a heart on it that you scratch off (like a scratch-off lottery card) and underneath it says "Be My Maid of Honor?" I mailed it to my cousin yesterday with just a quarter taped inside, nothing else. Hopefully she gets it, lol! I also have a friend that is ordained and will be our officiant, but I found the same card with "Will you marry us?" instead and I'll mail her that soon.

[Camber 2019]

Our invitations came in and they aren't the right color. They appear to be *close* to our color when viewed in photos, but to the naked eye, they are much different. Bf contacted the company yesterday to see what they would say - we are prepared to keep them regardless, as they are still attractive and quite nice, just not "our color" - and the agent believes that there was a printer error. They are redoing and sending us new ones for free.

 

We went to a cake tasting on Sunday, and while the cakes were delicious, we ran into issues with the event planner. She wasn't the same one we had when we initially spoke to this company, and basically we were told that all of the things we wanted weren't possible because "they just don't do that", even though the first event planner gave us a bunch of different options. It felt like they were just stuck in their policies/procedures and refused to accommodate us. And really, what we want is not complicated - a flat sheet cake in our colors with a design similar to our wedding invites (even if not the entire cake, just the middle or a portion of it). I called the company today and spoke with our original event planner, and she was shocked at the experience we had with the other one. She asked me to come in to discuss further. And we really wanted to go with this company, because they are a local grocery store chain that can cater as well, so we could just do everything through them. But if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

 

I guess even little weddings don't always run smoothly.

 

 

But some good news: we are going to have just my Maid of Honor and his Best Man, no other bridesmaids or groomsmen. I found this really pretty card that has a heart on it that you scratch off (like a scratch-off lottery card) and underneath it says "Be My Maid of Honor?" I mailed it to my cousin yesterday with just a quarter taped inside, nothing else. Hopefully she gets it, lol! I also have a friend that is ordained and will be our officiant, but I found the same card with "Will you marry us?" instead and I'll mail her that soon.

 

Oh, all these things that seem so disruptive now will be cherished memories of days gone by... something to laugh about... life gets better as your years together grow!

[WithLove]

Oh we definitely aren't stressing over it! My mom already volunteered to just make cookies if we can't get the cake thing figured out (and I loooove her cookies), and with cookies you don't really need to stress over making them the day before or the same day. And we have other catering options that would work out. And the invites can still be used. We honestly don't really care - we just want to stand up there together to say "I do" and then eat with a bunch of our friends and family after. And I do want to wear a nice dress and see him in some nice clothes. He looks so handsome when he's professionally dressed and I just love being on his arm when he's got a tie on! He so handsome

 

I found a really pretty ivory-colored "garden" dress. It goes a little past the knees and it has a layer of champagne/blush fabric under it. It just looks lovely and I think I'm going to buy it this weekend to see the fit etc. There's plenty of time to send it back if it turns out that I don't like it as much when it's on.

[Batya33]

Glad you're taking it in stride! Sounds great.

[WithLove]

My ring came in!

 

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