Jump to content

IN an LTR... but falling in love with an old friend...


Recommended Posts

Apologies for the long winded story, but here goes;

 

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years. I love him dearly, we do a lot together and I have honestly been at my best and my happiest with this man. I do not by any stretch feel any less feeling or love towards him! He can be a little cold and switched off at times, but that is just how he is. It does not make me love him any less.

 

However, a situation with a very old male friend recently arose where we ended up in bed together. Don't judge me or lecture me on this, I know it was wrong and I don't need to be told further that it was wrong. I feel dreadful about it; from my perspective I stand to lose everything. A good friend, my partner and possibly my sanity.

 

The friend has been in my life for a long time, and we have always had a very close relationship, and I truly enjoy the time we spend together. We have often been mistaken for a couple on outings due to the way we behave around each other. So, for years this guy has been mistaken for my partner, we have been alone around each other on so many occasions, we have shared a bed so, so many times and nothing has happened, he knows I am not single. And to clarify, I instigated everything that happened between us recently. Now that things have happened between my friend and I, he has confessed that he would love nothing more than to be with me but would absolutely never get in the way of my relationship - and I know that he wouldn't. But part of me is now thinking 'what if...'

 

I feel like I am falling in love... whilst being in love with my partner. Is this even possible?! I'm tearing myself apart about this (so much so that I have booked in to see a therapist next week as I have managed to convince myself I am messed up in the head. Who does this in a loving, good relationship)

 

I am at an emotional deadlock right now. This feels more like just a one night thing, or a slip of judgement. People often say that we cheat to try to fill in the blanks in our relationship or that we are missing something with the long term partner but this is absolutely not the case! I have a very happy relationship with my long term partner... I don't know what to do for the best!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Are there any children involved? The therapy is a good idea. Something is wrong if you are subconsciously trying to sabotage your stable loving relationship.

 

I think your partner deserves to know the truth. If he is willing to forgive you, then you might still have a future together. If he breaks up with you over the infidelity, you got a ready-made backup plan. But to be honest, if I were that man, I would not trust you, given you proactively cheated on a long term relationship to be with him. No easy answers here I am afraid.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It stood out to me that you mentioned your partner being cold and switched off at times. Perhaps this is affecting you more than you realized before, and your friend has been filling in those gaps.

 

That doesn’t give someone license to cheat, of course, but it (to me) reveals some cracks in your relationship that might have been glossed over until now. There is something not working for you, for whatever reason.

 

How does your boyfriend feel about your very close friendship with this friend? How much time do you spend with him, and how did you wind up in bed together on the night you cheated?

Link to post
Share on other sites

No, no children thankfully. I have never so much as even thought of this friend in this way; he is attractive, he is kind hearted and lovely and has always been amazingly supportive of my relationship! He even once, during a rough period in my life when I was in a destructive mindset, convinced me to stay in my relationship.

 

I think I am going to tell my partner and see what happens from there.

 

BUT, I would absolutely not be happy to end this current relationship to jump into something else. It is not fair on either party to do that and I think I would end up in an even more messed up headspace...

Link to post
Share on other sites
It stood out to me that you mentioned your partner being cold and switched off at times. Perhaps this is affecting you more than you realized before, and your friend has been filling in those gaps.

 

That doesn’t give someone license to cheat, of course, but it (to me) reveals some cracks in your relationship that might have been glossed over until now. There is something not working for you, for whatever reason.

 

How does your boyfriend feel about your very close friendship with this friend? How much time do you spend with him, and how did you wind up in bed together on the night you cheated?

 

Hmm, I had not really thought about his coldness being an issue before. He is very, very work oriented and I am often taking a backseat to his career (last minute changes of plan due to work, long work trips away, and also on the flip side very limited spontaneity) but I don't feel as though it bothers me. I do have a very active social life, so I have a lot of friends to squeeze in anyhow. That said, perhaps when I am feeling a little lonely and abandoned I have used my friend as an emotional crutch.... Now I feel even more dreadful. Have I been using him as a pretend partner in the absence of my actual partner?!

 

My partner and my friend get on just fine! Have been out for drinks without me (albeit not often but they work close to each other) and we have been on holidays together previously (not just the three of us - with other friends) I would say I probably see my friend a couple of nights a week, usually just for drinks. Sometimes more, sometimes less but frequently.

 

On the night in question we were watching a movie at my flat, with a bottle of wine. We were not drunk, and I am not even gonna try and use alcohol as an excuse here. I think this is something far deeper than that. I was stone cold sober and can not use anything to justify my actions except whatever latent feelings were bubbling away underneath the surface. At one point we both leaned forward (wine and snacks on the coffee table; I was going for the wine. I assume he was going for wine or chocolate) at the same time and he more or less full on headbutted me, he hugged me (because it bloody hurt!) and... then I kissed him. The rest obviously went on from there; he was hesitant and he did ask me if I was sure multiple times. He has no real blame here I don't feel... this is all on me. It was all lame romcom stuff in real life basically.

Link to post
Share on other sites
we have shared a bed so, so many times and nothing has happened, he knows I am not single

 

Wait why? Did your partner know about this? If he did, how was he okay with this?! How did you think this was okay?!

 

I can think of only two occasions where I shared a bed completely innocently with a girl who was not my girlfriend. On both occasions we were both single, otherwise that is just asking for trouble. Even so on one of those occasions our friends found out about it and rumours were spread, assumptions made... etc.

 

We have often been mistaken for a couple on outings due to the way we behave around each other. So, for years this guy has been mistaken for my partner, we have been alone around each other on so many occasions.

 

I would say I probably see my friend a couple of nights a week, usually just for drinks. Sometimes more, sometimes less but frequently.

 

How did you think it was appropriate maintaining such a close friendship with another man if you are in a committed relationship? It's not so much about trust but just the appropriateness for a man or woman in a committed relationship to spend so much time alone with a friend of the opposite sex.

 

Trust me I am not a possessive person, I was fine with my ex's having their own lives, I even encourage my current introverted and clingy girlfriend to go out more and hang out with her friends. But if she was hanging out so much with a male friend, and behaving in a way together that people constantly mistook them for a couple, something is probably up!

 

I have had very close female friends. Hell my best friend at various stages of my life were girls for some reason... but as each of them met long term partners, got married etc... I distanced myself from them, and they from me. Not because we did not like each other anymore, but they moved on from the stage of life where it was appropriate for them to hang out with single guys, play cards or drink late into the night, and crash out on my bed or couch cos it was too late to go home!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Wait why? Did your partner know about this? If he did, how was he okay with this?! How did you think this was okay?!

 

I can think of only two occasions where I shared a bed completely innocently with a girl who was not my girlfriend. On both occasions we were both single, otherwise that is just asking for trouble. Even so on one of those occasions our friends found out about it and rumours were spread, assumptions made... etc.

 

 

 

 

 

How did you think it was appropriate maintaining such a close friendship with another man if you are in a committed relationship? It's not so much about trust but just the appropriateness for a man or woman in a committed relationship to spend so much time alone with a friend of the opposite sex.

 

Trust me I am not a possessive person, I was fine with my ex's having their own lives, I even encourage my current introverted and clingy girlfriend to go out more and hang out with her friends. But if she was hanging out so much with a male friend, and behaving in a way together that people constantly mistook them for a couple, something is probably up!

 

I have had very close female friends. Hell my best friend at various stages of my life were girls for some reason... but as each of them met long term partners, got married etc... I distanced myself from them, and they from me. Not because we did not like each other anymore, but they moved on from the stage of life where it was appropriate for them to hang out with single guys, play cards or drink late into the night, and crash out on my bed or couch cos it was too late to go home!

 

Yes my partner knows we have shared a bed! More often than not that has been when we have been on holidays together sans partner, and not at home so much (we live in the same city - there is no need for us to share a bed here unless we have both been blackout drunk, which again has been few and far between)

 

I don't think it is a question of appropriateness; yes, I have slipped up here. But should a woman cut off a close friendship due to a relationship? That is a very strange world view... I have a lot of guy mates. I'm not a girly girl, I like going out with the lads! Most of them are single, and I would say I am close to a lot of them... should I cut all of them off too? The friendship with him has survived past relationships, longer than this one, without so much as even a flirty word being uttered. We were close friends all through a five year relationship at one point; he was my confidante, the person I would cry to, and not once has he ever made any pass at me or confessed any attraction. And likewise he has had girlfriends and I became friends with some of them.

 

This is nothing to do with the friendship, two people of the opposite sex CAN be close friends when one or the other meets someone and it is absurd to suggest that we should ditch people based on new romantic partners (after all, one should hope friends are for life whilst romances may come and go. And when love turns sour, it is the friends we rely on to get us through those dark times) this has everything to do with my own muddled up emotions.

 

It has been a tough year, full of heartache and loss for me so there is a lot I am working through in my head. I guess, more than anything, I am terrified I have ruined the friendship more than anything else; a friendship that I value very, very highly. Do I value it more than my relationship...? probably, yes. He has been my best friend for all of my adult life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I also believe women and men can have healthy and platonic friendships. I have a few great guy friends myself, with zero romantic undertones.

 

The problem here is that you acknowledge you are falling in love with this friend, and still had a cozy night with a move and wine together. When you recognized that you had stronger feelings is when you should have taken a step back and put some better boundaries in place. What’s done is done, I realize, but it seems that this wasn’t a sudden awakening of lust and feelings. It was brewing over time but neither of you did much to mitigate the risk of something like this happening.

 

So now, I think you are going to need to take a long, honest look at your relationship. Ask yourself if you’re truly all that happy, because scratching under the surface, it looks like you are craving more intimacy (physical and emotional) from your boyfriend and you’ve turned outside the relationship to supply that it.

 

I think you are going to need to be honest with your boyfriend. You don’t want him to hear this from someone else. You don’t want him

to have to drag this out of you after suspecting something is up with you. He deserves to be informed, especially as this sounds like it runs a lot deeper than a mere one-night stand.

 

As for your friend? Well, the dynamic between you will be different now. I wouldn’t expect things to ever really go back to the way they were. You two have crossed a bridge that will change the landscape of your friendship, regardless of whether you two pursue something together or not. Inevitable collateral of hooking up with a friend, particularly under these circumstances.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I also believe women and men can have healthy and platonic friendships. I have a few great guy friends myself, with zero romantic undertones.

 

The problem here is that you acknowledge you are falling in love with this friend, and still had a cozy night with a move and wine together. When you recognized that you had stronger feelings is when you should have taken a step back and put some better boundaries in place. What’s done is done, I realize, but it seems that this wasn’t a sudden awakening of lust and feelings. It was brewing over time but neither of you did much to mitigate the risk of something like this happening.

 

So now, I think you are going to need to take a long, honest look at your relationship. Ask yourself if you’re truly all that happy, because scratching under the surface, it looks like you are craving more intimacy (physical and emotional) from your boyfriend and you’ve turned outside the relationship to supply that it.

 

I think you are going to need to be honest with your boyfriend. You don’t want him to hear this from someone else. You don’t want him

to have to drag this out of you after suspecting something is up with you. He deserves to be informed, especially as this sounds like it runs a lot deeper than a mere one-night stand.

 

As for your friend? Well, the dynamic between you will be different now. I wouldn’t expect things to ever really go back to the way they were. You two have crossed a bridge that will change the landscape of your friendship, regardless of whether you two pursue something together or not. Inevitable collateral of hooking up with a friend, particularly under these circumstances.

 

I know... this is a difficult circumstance, I never quite expected to find myself in. I have been very happy (or so I thought!) with my partner more or less all the time... perhaps too happy. There has never been any conflict of any type between us in the entire time we have been together, and thus he does deserve to know. I need to pick the right timing so as to cause him as little hurt as possible. I am aware of whatever way it goes, I will be hurt so I can at least try to use some damage control and make sure that I don't damage him any further.

 

I thought I was quite happy having this almost 'separate' social life from my partner but perhaps I have just been blindsiding myself all along, and that I do want to share these things with someone? Even down to the movie night; I often watch movies with my friend because my partner and I have wildly differing tastes (I love a horror, he loves a comedy... the two do not often work well together) and we have had similar movie nights so many times over the last 18 years; I did not expect this to turn out so different.

 

I know things will possibly never be the same again with my friend, I would absolutely not expect them to. We all know that once one has these kind of encounters with someone it does have a tendency to change the way we see that person. I know that I have been slightly freaked out about how much I have been thinking about him (my friend). I think it would be massively unwise to pursue anything with him; I want him to be there as my best friend as he always has but I don't know now that this is possible. He has been a bit quiet on me the last few days, whereas we probably would usually message each other daily. I sense he is giving me a wide berth here... Oh what a pickle I have gotten myself into :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't think it is a question of appropriateness; yes, I have slipped up here. But should a woman cut off a close friendship due to a relationship? That is a very strange world view... I have a lot of guy mates. I'm not a girly girl, I like going out with the lads! Most of them are single, and I would say I am close to a lot of them... should I cut all of them off too?

 

No you do not have to cut off close friendships due to a relationship... but it is about putting yourself in situations where feelings can develop, mistakes can be made. So yes if you had lots of guy-friends before a relationship, of course you can continue to go out with them when you are in a relationship, but it is probably not a good idea to go drinking with just one guy, to excess, or spend a comparable amount of time with that guy compared to your actual partner, and go on holiday with him, instead of your partner.

 

I repeat, if people are regularly mistaking you two for being a couple because of how you behave around each other, something is up. Maybe I am old fashioned but even if nothing was happening, I would reassess my behaviour just because I do not want people to get the wrong idea, and how that would look for my partner, whether she trusted me or not.

 

So yeah my personal rule is, "sure go out with your friends, but try to avoid spending too long alone with just one friend (of the opposite sex)".

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you hanging out with your "friend", sharing a bed together, and all that other jazz is just plain disrespectful if you're in a relationship. Sorry to say.

 

As for what happened I would tell your partner. Although I'm not sure how he will react to that and whether or not he will be forgiving is up to him.

 

If you really and truly loved your partner you would surely not have made a move like that on this friend of yours. Maybe you're not consciously aware of your real feelings for him and something really is missing. But I would 're assess if this relationship is really for you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As they say if you have two choices, or two people, choose the second since if you genuinely felt anything for the first, nothing would come in between that. Obviously this isn't me saying go for your friend but seriously think about what you want to do.

Link to post
Share on other sites

To him, you're "safe". Meaning he does not want a relationship with you, just a no-strings affair. You're easy, convenient and you chase him. How good is that....for him. While you are torn and risk your relationship when your partner finds out, he risks nothing.

he would love nothing more than to be with me but would absolutely never get in the way of my relationship
Link to post
Share on other sites

You don’t want to be lectured about cheating? Too bad, so sad for you. Quite frankly, you lack boundaries and have something broken in you, which is why you cheated – this is the reason people cheat, not because their partner did something to cause them to cheat but because they are broken.

 

Hmm, I had not really thought about his coldness being an issue before. He is very, very work oriented and I am often taking a backseat to his career (last minute changes of plan due to work, long work trips away, and also on the flip side very limited spontaneity) but I don't feel as though it bothers me.

 

NOPE! You do not get to even think of using this as an excuse for cheating. Plenty of people are in relationships with people like your partner and DO NOT CHEAT.

 

I don't think it is a question of appropriateness; yes, I have slipped up here. But should a woman cut off a close friendship due to a relationship? That is a very strange world view... I have a lot of guy mates.

 

This is nothing to do with the friendship, two people of the opposite sex CAN be close friends when one or the other meets someone and it is absurd to suggest that we should ditch people based on new romantic partners (after all, one should hope friends are for life whilst romances may come and go. And when love turns sour, it is the friends we rely on to get us through those dark times) this has everything to do with my own muddled up emotions.

 

Well, yes it is a question of appropriateness. You’ve proven that you are completely lacking in boundaries. And I’m sorry, but ADULTS who are in relationships know that friendships take a back seat to that relationship, especially if it’s a long-term relationship. I have plenty of female friends, but when I was married I respected my wife enough to never go out one-on-one with a female friend. Likewise, my married female friends do the same. It’s not a question of being friends, it’s a question of appropriateness and boundaries.

 

As much as I was focused on work, which is what lead to the downfall of my marriage, at least my ex-wife had enough respect for me not to cheat on me. That’s just low and shows an utter disrespect and lack of love. No matter how much you profess to love your partner, you don’t. People who love their partner don’t cheat.

 

My advice: tell your partner and let HIM decide where the relationship goes. At this point, you no longer get to make that decision and you’ve proven yourself to be terrible with boundaries and are a poor decision maker. You’re not a safe partner for him.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

In a Hedonistic world, you can do whatever satisfies you in self-centered gluttony. But if you don't think you will face consequences of losing people you wanted to keep in your life, you're naive.

 

Using a male best friend as an emotional crutch and a shoulder to cry on began the spiral of crossing relationship boundaries--engaging in an emotional affair. When you enter into an exclusive relationship, things SHOULD change when it comes to your friendships with people of the opposite sex if they are super close/intense, and especially if there is chemistry.

 

As other posters have described, those super close friendships with opposite sex friends got placed to the back burner, with changes being made to that friendship, when they entered into a serious romance. As much as it pains you, changes like this are necessary when you progress into a more mature adulthood.

 

You might care about your bf, but I can't fathom you loving him, since you did one of the most hurtful things you can do to someone. The fact that you two never argue, to me, spells the possibility of a lack of connection. And as far as your friend goes, I'd think a decent man would never cross the line he did, so as far as being a good partner in the future goes, I doubt he'd be an ideal, faithful bf.

 

If it were me, I'd just end things with my bf, sparing him the ugly details. You're lonely with his work ethic and a job that often has him gone, and it will take years of couples counseling, if he's willing to keep you, to get to a good place in your relationship. You would likely also have to end your friendship as part of the reconciliation, which a counselor would definitely suggest.

 

If you end things, stay alone at least a year and continue on with therapy. You need to learn from your mistakes in order to have better relationship success in the future. If you think a future bf will be okay with you hanging out with your best friend who you had sex with (most guys would ask if this has occurred after seeing the dynamic between you two), you're wrong.

 

Adulthood is not for sissies. Sometimes you have to give up things to gain things. Yes, it's tough. Time to grow up.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

You can do whatever you please especially if you feel it's your prerogative to flex your female desires or your women's rights. No one will argue with you your ability or desire to have friends of any sex or gender, what you do in your private life or whom you choose to associate with.

 

At the end of the day you are the one who has to deal with the consequences of any complications that arise from your actions. I would pick your battles wisely. If you'd like to fight the good fight exercising your rights and the desire to have many different kinds of friends, you are entitled. If you prefer to maintain a low key and drama-free monogamous relationship, you are also entitled. This has less to do with what you're capable of and more to do with what you choose.

 

I suspect your current relationship pales in comparison to the type of man you see yourself pairing with. Be more realistic with yourself and don't be afraid of change either.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Stop lying to yourself about your relationships. You don't love your bf and don't even care about him on the most basic human level. Before you argue - you cheated on him. That's as low as it goes and is the definition of not caring. You care about yourself, what you want, your comfort and convenience, but you do NOT care about your bf. Be honest about that.

 

As for your friend, he says that he doesn't want to step into your relationship? BS and way too late. He just did step in and then some. You describe him as this great guy, but in reality.....he is a guy who helped you cheat. What you both showed each other is that you have no values, no morals, no character - you are both cheaters. Not exactly a basis for a healthy relationship because if you do actually end up together, how you got together will haunt you and ultimately, the lack of trust will destroy you. It will turn into a toxic mess.

 

Basically, when you can't choose between the two, choose neither and move on. Dump your bf and no, you don't need to ruin his life by telling him what you did. That's your personal burden to bear and deal with. On that note, I'm glad that you realize that you are making some really messed up choices and have set up a therapy appointment. I hope you get yourself sorted out and your head screwed on straight and it needs to start with.....being way more honest and less selfish about things.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

 

However, a situation with a very old male friend recently arose where we ended up in bed together. Don't judge me or lecture me on this, I know it was wrong and I don't need to be told further that it was wrong. I feel dreadful about it; from my perspective I stand to lose everything. A good friend, my partner and possibly my sanity.

 

 

 

Since this is all about you and your feelings, then I'd say that you need to keep this all a secret and live with your guilt as you blow up your life.

 

OR, You let your partner decide what he wants to do as his life blows up.

 

At minimum, I'd bet he would like to know his risk for an STI.

 

And more than that? He probably wants to know if he is wasting his time with you.

 

For the moment, try to understand that what happens to you is really not the most important thing to consider when someone has done such a relationship-damaging thing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey,

 

So as a person who has been on every side of that love triangle I can say... cheating sucks. Always. Even in the most ideal of circumstances.

 

You don't want us to lecture you. I get it. It's hard to hear the truth sometimes. The thing is though, what we think shouldn't matter to you - we're just a bunch of strangers on the internet. I could be 12 years old for all you know that is simply acting like she has almost 50 years of life experience.

 

Really this is between your partner and you. He is the one whose opinion counts on this matter.

 

My thoughts based on your post? You're not emotionally ready for a commitment. There's nothing wrong with that at any age - just own it and let the people you're involved with know. Your partner may be cold sometimes etc... but he still deserves better than to be kept from the truth. So, if it's true that you're aware how wrong cheating is, you can show it by holding yourself accountable. Come clean to your partner; you owe him that much. And then just spend time getting to know yourself instead of giving yourself whiplash trying to decide which man you love more. Love yourself first, then you'll get clarity.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Now that things have happened between my friend and I, he has confessed that he would love nothing more than to be with me but would absolutely never get in the way of my relationship -
... and yet he had sex with you? lol

 

Get help for your codependency if you can't or won't leave someone that is not meeting your needs so instead of leaving them, you get with another man that has been sniffing around you for years. You need help with your boundaries and and education on what isn't appropriate to be doing with an opposite sex "friend" (like going on date like activities to the point that people mistake you as a couple for instance) so that you don't find yourself in this same kind of predicament in your future.

 

Sharing a bed with a man that is not your partner? Totally and absolutely disrespectful to your primary partner and something that most (all?) people who have a good sense of romantic relationship boundaries within a monogamous relationship would never, ever do.

 

Spend a holiday with your opposite sex friend without your primary partner there too? Are you kidding me? You have no sense of what is and what is not appropriate to be doing when in a committed relationship. Even if your partner is so indifferent to you that he is okay with such things, YOU need to stop doing it so that you don't find yourself in love with someone you have been inappropriate with and bonding with in the future.

 

You can not be acting like you are single when you are not.

 

FWIW: I think most partners would be cold if they were being left behind while their other half is out acting like the partner of another man/woman.

Edited by ThatwasThen
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Your friend is full of bs. The line he fed you about him absolutely never getting in the way of your relationship sounds absolutely ridiculous. At best, he lacks self-awareness as much as you. At worst, he is a back-stabber who cannot be trusted.

 

You sound passive-aggressive and so does your bf. You also both suck at placing healthy boundaries whs it comes to relationships. Imo, you need to end your relationship. Kudos to you for seeking therapy. It's definitely a step towards the right direction! Good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I love him dearly, we do a lot together and I have honestly been at my best and my happiest with this man.

 

Clearly not the case or you wouldn't have cheated.

 

He can be a little cold and switched off at times, but that is just how he is.
.

 

Obviously this matters more than you say it does.

 

However, a situation with a very old male friend recently arose where we ended up in bed together. Don't judge me or lecture me on this

 

Of course I judge this behavior... I judge it as morally wrong and reprehensible, anyone that has been cheated on will tell you that it's the worst form of betrayal.

 

 

from my perspective I stand to lose everything. A good friend, my partner and possibly my sanity.

 

I don't know about your sanity but I do know you have already lost what you had with your partner and your friend... committing the act has forever changed your relationship with both of those people.

 

The friend has been in my life for a long time, and we have always had a very close relationship, and I truly enjoy the time we spend together. We have often been mistaken for a couple on outings due to the way we behave around each other. So, for years this guy has been mistaken for my partner, we have been alone around each other on so many occasions, we have shared a bed so, so many times

 

Walking on thin ice here... I don't know about you but I don't behave like I am in a relationship with my platonic male friends, and I definitely don't sleep in the same bed with them even when I am single. Whether it was you with the unrequited feelings or your "friend"... at the end of the day you took advantage of a situation that has now spiraled out of control.

 

I instigated everything that happened between us recently. Now that things have happened between my friend and I, he has confessed that he would love nothing more than to be with me but would absolutely never get in the way of my relationship - and I know that he wouldn't. But part of me is now thinking 'what if...'

 

Of course there is more to the story. This guy has been in love with you for a long time, you led him on by continuing a friendship with him, and now that he has confessed his love you are admitting to having feelings for him as well. And by the way... he already has gotten in the way, let there be no doubt about that.

 

I feel like I am falling in love... whilst being in love with my partner. Is this even possible?! I'm tearing myself apart about this (so much so that I have booked in to see a therapist next week as I have managed to convince myself I am messed up in the head. Who does this in a loving, good relationship)

 

Girl you are in such denial about your situation! People in good loving relationships do not, I repeat DO NOT, cheat on their partners with someone they are secretly in love with.

 

What to do for the best? Follow through on the therapy so you can get to the root of why you did this... take responsibility for your part... admit your true feelings about your "friend" and your current partner... and accept that you may eventually lose both but at least you will have some freedom from this situation you are currently in.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...