Forkadora24 Posted September 4, 2019 Share Posted September 4, 2019 For about a month I’ve been giving my girlfriend some space who stated that I’ve been making her feel lost and felt that we were not growing together and didn’t respect each other. She decided to give us some space so we both can figure out what we wanted. Obviously I wanted to be with her but I wanted to respect her decision and not force her. I’ve been staying at my brother’s house about 2 hours away from where I live and it kills me everyday that I’m not home with my family cuz we have a 7 year old daughter together. This isn’t the first time this has happened and I know I’m stupid and took her for granted. I wasn’t the man I should have been for her and our daughter and just was immature. I had a job in my dream profession but the job wasn’t as stable. I know that she wants me to be able to be the man of the household and be able to provide and take care for my family. I'm feeling a little down tonight as I just found out that my girlfriend was up near where I'm staying during this break and didn't even tell me that she was up here. She did tell me that they were going camping for her brother-in-law's bday and was taking our daughter. I know that I'm giving her space as I'm bettering myself but it seems like she's starting to pull away from me. I don't want our relationship to end and I'm not giving up. It almost seems like she is giving up. I haven't shown her how much I've changed for the better and how I'm trying to fight hard for our relationship. I'm really hoping that it's not done cuz I'm not done yet. I miss her like crazy and I don't seem to be a priority anymore and it just breaks my heart. I've come a long way and I'm really trying to fix what I did and how I can become a better person, not for myself but also for her and our daughter. I want to be with her and she means everything to me. I miss my family and I even miss her family. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry that all I do on this forum is just vent and act emotional. I just hate feeling this way and I hate having bad thoughts. I haven't had bad thoughts in a while as I was focusing on what I needed to do and I saw hope that our relationship can continue since she has been talking with me a little bit. Not a lot, but enough where it made me feel good that she's trying. But it doesn't seem like she's trying hard enough. I just want to show her how hard I've been working at righting my wrongs by getting a job where I am and then getting a better job offer near my home. She doesn't even know how hard I've been keeping up with this new job offer and making sure I have everything that they needed and I was even flexible with their schedule for their interviews and drug tests and a physical. I'm stressing out and I'm getting depressed again. I almost want to give up and just don't even care anymore. I feel neglected, lonely, stupid and unworthy. I feel like I will never be what I'm trying to be for my family and become a failure. I feel like I'm a failure and that's all I am. Everyone in my family has been successful in life and I'm just some guy that can't get his stuff together and just be immature and be stupid and not even know what he has until it hit's him in the face (not once but 3 times) and still mess things up. I always try hard and work hard and start to see the light at the end only for something to push me back into the dark. I may just be overthinking. It just kills me that I can't be home right now and hug my girlfriend and my daughter and tell them I love them and I missed them. I want them to know that I will do anything for them and I will work myself to the bone and sacrifice my mind and body to know that they are provided for. That's how much I'm willing to work hard. But I just feel like she doesn't even care. I hope that she does and just wants to see it for herself. I'm even willing to take it slow with her and start to date her again when I come home. I know she will want me to come home, but I want her to say it. I just want her to say that she missed me even though I was the one that caused this situation. She makes me whole and she makes me smile. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose a piece of me and a piece of my family. I miss them like crazy and it kills me. This is first time in a few weeks that I have cried by thinking about them. I'm sorry for the long post. I'm just feeling really down and need someone to talk to. Link to comment
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