Hopskipjump Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 I don’t know what to do. I moved to this country 5+ years ago by myself and within a year had started seeing a guy who is 8 years younger than me. He was very persistent and knew my age. We moved in together pretty quickly and we’ve had a good and strong relationship for the most part. You’d never guess from the outside that we have such major issues going on underneath. But. In those 4 years we have achieved pretty much nothing other than drinking a lot, bouncing from job to job, arguing with his very stressful family and spending a lot of money. I am now 34 years old and time is running out. All of my peers are buying houses, getting married and having babies and I am still stuck in nasty rental accommodation and dealing with a boyfriend who works kitchen jobs, can’t drive and has anger issues that make day to day life extremely stressful. For the majority of our time together I have had professional “grown up” jobs, paid the majority of the bills, rent and all those travel and emergency expenses that come up. I also do the majority of the housework, laundry and all the dog care duties. His anger issues mean that even walking down the street can be a nightmare. If a car stops on a pedestrian crossing he will go and shout at the driver. He’ll follow people down the street to tel them they’ve done something wrong. He’s been filmed abusing the construction workers next door for making too much noise. He is always on a knife edge and ready to snap. Although he has never ever ever been violent and his anger is always directed outwards, it’s still like living with a volatile teenager. I’m constantly having to apologize for him. It’s exhausting. The problem is, I am alone in this country, my time for having a baby is rapidly running out, my dog is getting older and I’m worried won’t take the stress of a big move or disruption to routine, and I am absolutely terrified. If I break up with him I will have nothing to show for the past four years. He has been such a huge part of my life here. Everyone I know, knows us as a couple. I’d have to delete all my social media accounts, I’d lose friends, I’d have no one and nothing and I’d be starting from scratch all over again. And I am exhausted of starting from scratch. We have talked about children and he is keen and very serious about it, but he wants to wait until he has bought a house (an impossible dream in this city!) and saved up thousands and his start up catering business is a success and I give up sugar like he has and.... it’s the same thing with marriage... he wants to but it’s some weird fantasy future space in his brain. He knows I don’t have forever but he just says I should look into freezing my eggs. Like it’s as easy as that! It’s always my problem to solve and pay for! He’s been annoying me by talking about marriage and eloping but not actually proposing. One day I found an old family diamond ring in a drawer and proposed to him myself. And he said yes. And then told his step mom. But then that was it. It wasn’t an actual engagement announcement or anything. He never asked me. It hasn’t been mentioned since. (I put the ring back in the drawer)... he says he can’t afford a ring or a marriage and that’s why but I can’t help feeling he just doesn’t really want to. I feel so much resentment towards him that it affects everything. I’ve started to hate sex with him and seeing him laze around on the sofa I bought and play video games using the wifi I pay for just winds me up. I was recently fired from a job and have had a summer being completely broke and finally having to rely on him. He has been working hard and trying to cover his share but even so, I’m not sure he’ll ever earn enough to support a family. I feel like I’ve made so many stupid stupid mistakes in my life and that this one is one I will regret forever. I will never have children because of him and I am trapped as his weird girlfriend-mum-slave that has to look after him 24-7 because I’m too embarrassed to admit I messed up so spectacularly by committing to a man-child, and too scared to be on my own and have to start over again in a foreign country. I can’t leave him but I can’t stay either. I don’t know what to do. If I leave him I’ll have to change my name and leave everything behind. If I stay then I give up my chance of ever having children of my own or any kind of normal life. Should I stick it out? Will he get better or should I make an ultimatum? Link to comment
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