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Can you talk yourself through it?

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I've been in therapy on & off for decades. My last formal diagnosis was Severe Depression with mixed anxiety features, PTSD & agoraphobia. When it gets really bad I don't want to go outside.


My last therapist betrayed me but I'm thinking about going back to the one before that. I wanted a change from him because he frustrated me. He always said Happiness is a choice. It used to get me so mad because I was like if I could just chose to be happy, I would instead of paying you.


Anyway, I was forced out of my comfort zone. I lost some weight & made some other changes. I focused on the business I own & had some successes. I also rediscovered my religion which has brought me more peace & comfort then all the therapy I ever had.


But now, with the recent death of a friend & colleague I'm back to being a mess. I've been hiding in my house for a week, not going to work, not showering, eating junk & crying. I feel buried under life but I also know that in the grand scheme I have it easier then most. Then I feel guilty because I'm so weak when others are so much stronger in the face of so much more difficult situations. I have several friends whose children died. Others have serious medical problems. One is about 120 days sober after 35 years of drinking. I'm just upset because I'm not perfect; it's a bi-product of growing up with alcoholic parents. My mother was most like depressed, undiagnosed. Both of my parents are now dead.


While I was with the therapist who betrayed me, she sent me for expensive DNA testing to determine what meds I should take. I didn't want any meds because my experience had been the that cure was worse then the problem. I usually ended up in an ER with severe reactions, including once becoming temporarily paralyzed until they flushed the stuff from my system. The DNA test bore me out & show that I should not take any anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, anti convulsants, or anti-psychotics. They all react badly with my blood chemistry.


Part of me wonders if I should turn myself into an ER as a danger to myself. I'd have to bring the list of the meds I can't take (all of them) but what if they don't honor it?


I've been crying, sleeping, journaling, praying & trying to come up with a plan. I may just retire. I feel less awful right now but as soon as I open the things in my office I have been ignoring I will feel overwhelmed again & it will be worse because I have let things sit


Any ideas for a better direction? What are you coping strategies when you feel down?

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I understand how you feel. The feelings of guilt, feeling like you're a burden on everyone else, I've been there. You should know that these thoughts are just more symptoms of your depression. They're not accurate and when you find your way out of this you'll see that. I've also been there with the isolation, basically tried to resign myself from society as much as possible. Luckily my job now doesn't really let me do that and is more social in nature which has helped, so maybe consider a change in your life if it's possible.


Another thing that helped a lot, with the anxiety too, is meditation. In a state of mind where everything felt insurmountable, it turned out that sitting in a peaceful place comfortably doing nothing was somehow very helpful. Look into that; do your research. It takes discipline but anyone can do it.


I think maybe a brand new therapist is in order. Find one you really trust and believe in.


Break things down into baby steps. First, clean yourself. Next, clean your bed. And so on. Just accomplishing a couple small things is a great start. Make them your mission for everyday and gradually you'll find yourself capable of doing more.


You got this. Keep living.

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I normally turn to humour and try and expand the lens. Maybe the issue I'm looking at isn't so serious after all. 9 times out of 10 it really is not as sinister as it first appears. It's a matter of perspective and coming out of that fear-based or negative-based response.


Yes, religion does work in the same way as it draws us out of our small existence and amplifies the expanse of history, thought, ideology and teachings usually through a timeline ranging thousands of years. This can be infinitely both humbling and rewarding, depending on a person's disposition and upbringing.


I'd look into healthier eating patterns as some foods can trigger mood swings and lethargic states both mentally and physically. You mentioned you had lost weight. Keep it up if it means a healthier outlook in general and if it's what you need or what the doctor recommends.


I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and colleague. Not everyone is strong. I think some people tend to hide it better or have other coping mechanisms. Like I said, humour helps a lot. Life can get pretty serious overall. There is no point in falling to pieces.


I would also be cautious about the language used to frame your perceptions. You used the term "betrayed" several times and that conveys loss of power or helplessness. You are not helpless. Your choices may be limited but you still have choices. Avoid the use of terms that spiral you further into a deeper chasm of powerlessness and helplessness.


Do you have any access to entertainment? Any friends?

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I am so sorry and it must be so frustrating for you.


Couldn't you talk to your primary physician about a short stay in house treatment for you. One where you are there for a couple weeks and instead of just being written random prescriptions, sent home and wait weeks for the negative side effects, they closely monitor you and work with you on an ideal treatment that best suited for you . .what ever that may be.


It's not like you haven't tried and honestly, you shouldn't have to just endure this.

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After an accident a few years ago I got depression anxiety PTSD dpdr etc and wanted to kill myself.


Talk therapy can help so much but what you really need to beat PTSD is called EMDR therapy. It's quite short but intense. I had 6 sessions and it worked. It helps reprogram your mind. Once my PTSD went awya so did my anxiety and depression 6 months down the line.


If you can afford it I'd do the EMDR alongside speak g to the therapist you like. That's what I did.

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Do you have a primary care? I’m sorry for the loss of your friend and feeling this way. I would think the Emergency department would honor the list because if you have a reaction they are liable. I would go there and tell them what you said here.


I know how scary it can be and especially reaching out for help. I attempted suicide in 2007 and ten minutes into overdosing I immediately regretted it and called 911. I felt so helpless and in such a dark place.


Just don’t do something you’ll regret. It’s cliche but true! Suicide it a temporary fix to a permanent solution.


I have known those who have lost loved ones to suicide and no matter how many years pass the pain is still unbearable and fresh for them.


Remember you have a purpose and are loved! Get yourself help. You can’t do this alone.

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You need a good check up for your entire health including a metabolic profile and other tests. You also need a referral to a top notch psychiatrist who can appropriately and accurately diagnose you and provide targeted treatment with maximum efficacy and minimum side effects.


Most well trained psychiatrists no longer use dinosaur drugs with a laundry list of side effects. But first make sure your physical health is in order.


No, you can't talk your way out of a severe depression. Talk therapy is an adjunct to that. As far as lifestyle, your faith and friends and interests will help. You can commit yourself to a healthier lifestyle by engaging the services of a trainer and dietitian for motivation and expert advice. Don't go it alone, get expert health care and expert advice and treatment.

Part of me wonders if I should turn myself into an ER as a danger to myself. I'd have to bring the list of the meds I can't take (all of them) but what if they don't honor it?

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I agree with EMDR. I have PTSD and it has helped a lot . I am sorry you are in crisis and sorry for the loss of your friend.


Times 3 for EMDR... has done wonders for so many people I know.

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I'm feeling a bit better today. Thank you so much to everyone who weighed in.


I have had the full physical work up several times. The DNA test to assess the proper medications was only done last year. Based on those results even if some new anti-depression med was invented in the last year, I am not open to being the guinea pig. I'm too afraid of the side-effects as well as the long term ramifications. There are too many horror stories about what effect drugs have a generation later.


I was able to take a # of positive steps yesterday. Slowly but surely with the help of the right professionals.

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