Jump to content

Boyfriend's Dad Has No Boundaries


Recommended Posts

I think your boyfriend needs to reassess his living situation, finances and overcome issues with his parents. For someone in his 40s, he seems like he is living in la la land.

 

If the issues presently are causing a divide between the both of you (one errant and misguided parent), think of all the possibilities that could happen. This is such a minor issue in the expanse of your entire lives. While I think the behaviours are inappropriate, I'd be more concerned about your boyfriend.

Link to post
Share on other sites
You can also move to Jersey for cheaper rent.

 

Yes! I would LOVE to move to Jersey! We've talked about doing that in the future, but it doesn't look like it would happen for at least 5 years, so I've got my fingers crossed for solutions on the interim. The short-term privacy lock sounds like a great short-term solution to me. Thanks for your thoughts!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Wait is this the dude who chronically cheats on you? Why are you suffering him and an apartment that doesn't provide you any privacy? Do you not have a job or something? You're not beholden to a lease, so you could find a sublet and move tomorrow if you wanted to. If it's a matter of this place or the streets, then rock the boat as your discretion. If you've actually got options, then "anywhere but here" seems pretty damn straight forward.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes! I would LOVE to move to Jersey! We've talked about doing that in the future, but it doesn't look like it would happen for at least 5 years, so I've got my fingers crossed for solutions on the interim. The short-term privacy lock sounds like a great short-term solution to me. Thanks for your thoughts!

 

Good luck. He sounds awful!

Link to post
Share on other sites
I am in a sexless relationship. We have been together 3 years and live together. We were not always sexless... before we were "officially" together, we had sex multiple times a day for months. It stopped altogether when we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I continued to try to initiate, but he just is no longer interested. It makes me feel awful about myself and the relationship will not continue forever. I know that there are people out there that it can work for, but I'm 23, unmarried, and a very sexual person. I think what is attractive about our relationship is that it basically functions like best friends who are also roommates. We do everything together. He is extremely attached to my family. When we do have sex, which is maybe once about every 2 months, it is AWESOME -- which is why I hate that he never wants to do it. I've wrestled with myself for a while about how sex functions in a relationship, I've even cheated to get my needs met, and I think that later in my life I could see myself being happy in this sort of arrangement; but for now, this ain't it sis. ;)

Pinky, Pinky, Pinky. Why are you even with this boyfriend never mind putting up with his barging in father? Whats going on with you, really? What's up, girl?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Pinky, Pinky, Pinky. Why are you even with this boyfriend never mind putting up with his barging in father? Whats going on with you, really? What's up, girl?

 

I do not understand this situation!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Refusal to provide a written lease is also illegal. You really need to educate yourself on appropriate laws and enforce them. There's nothing attractive about this roommate situation if his pervert father keeps breaking and entering to get a glimpse of his son's females roommates nubile flesh and the equally dirty old man "bf" encourages/condones it. You are acting like a live in maid and paying for it, what's the point? Are you afraid of something like living alone or with decent people?

 

There is nothing attractive about this entire scenario.

I am in a sexless relationship. We have been together 3 years and live together. I'm 23, unmarried, and a very sexual person. I think what is attractive about our relationship is that it basically functions like best friends who are also roommates.

 

I've even cheated to get my needs met,

Link to post
Share on other sites

"There is hardly any ever intimacy (less than once a month; I used to try to initiate often but he mocked me whenever I did, and the rejection was damaging my self-esteem so much that I stopped trying altogether).

 

He has cheated on me many times, pretty much whenever he gets the chance (even if one of us is only away for the day like off at work). This has affected me greatly since I've put off getting a job after graduating college (where I excelled, graduated with honors and won an award for my thesis). I used to be excited about my career, but now a career just feels like it will occupy me while he betrays me. Whenever my head is turned, he is usually doing something that will hurt me. As it would, this has created a vast trust issue for me.

 

I have lost a great deal of friends since college; most of them have moved away. It feels like he is my only support system, which is why I've come here. We get in nasty arguments when he cheats on me, and then at the end of the argument, I feel I have nowhere else to go he's still standing there.

 

It is a vicious, never-ending cycle. I finally got fed up with the cheating last year, broke up with him, moved to a different apartment in a different neighborhood. He called me multiple times a day begging for me back. I was severely depressed and did not have a support system. We started hanging out again and he was like brand new. Everything was perfect until we officially got back together, and then the behavior started again.

 

I go through his phone on an almost daily basis, and every single time I find something gut-wrenching. For example, I know he's going on a date this coming week. He refuses to have any sort of public recognition of our relationship, and doesn't even follow me on social media. This means no pictures, no likes, no comments. I'm a very attractive young woman and don't think that this stems from him being embarrassed of being with me, rather him wanting to look available to other girls, and social media is often where he finds them. When I've confronted him about blatantly obvious evidence, he denies everything and says he's never cheated on me. I feel like I've been going crazy for years, and feel like I really messed up by moving back in with him, but am so tired of being uprooted and moving around."

 

This is so disturbing. The father is the least of your problems. What in the world are you doing with your life!? Did you get a job?

 

I hope you use condoms and get tested regularly. You relationship is sick and emotionally abusive.

 

You do realize that your bf does not respect or love you.

Edited by Hollyj
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

By law, a landlord needs to give 24 hours notice except in emergencies (fire, apartment flood - extreme stuff like that.) It sounds like since he lives an hour away, he is using your unit sort of as the landlord office - i get that he needs a place to use the bathroom and base himself out of when he is there, but I would not like it. I think that its not enough for your boyfriend just to talk to him on the phone. He needs to physically be there and divert him. I agree get a traveler's lock.

 

Honestly, i really think you should look into moving. But i wonder if you did move whether dad would do the same wherever his son lived.

Link to post
Share on other sites
"There is hardly any ever intimacy (less than once a month; I used to try to initiate often but he mocked me whenever I did, and the rejection was damaging my self-esteem so much that I stopped trying altogether).

 

He has cheated on me many times, pretty much whenever he gets the chance (even if one of us is only away for the day like off at work). This has affected me greatly since I've put off getting a job after graduating college (where I excelled, graduated with honors and won an award for my thesis). I used to be excited about my career, but now a career just feels like it will occupy me while he betrays me. Whenever my head is turned, he is usually doing something that will hurt me. As it would, this has created a vast trust issue for me.

 

I have lost a great deal of friends since college; most of them have moved away. It feels like he is my only support system, which is why I've come here. We get in nasty arguments when he cheats on me, and then at the end of the argument, I feel I have nowhere else to go he's still standing there.

 

It is a vicious, never-ending cycle. I finally got fed up with the cheating last year, broke up with him, moved to a different apartment in a different neighborhood. He called me multiple times a day begging for me back. I was severely depressed and did not have a support system. We started hanging out again and he was like brand new. Everything was perfect until we officially got back together, and then the behavior started again.

 

I go through his phone on an almost daily basis, and every single time I find something gut-wrenching. For example, I know he's going on a date this coming week. He refuses to have any sort of public recognition of our relationship, and doesn't even follow me on social media. This means no pictures, no likes, no comments. I'm a very attractive young woman and don't think that this stems from him being embarrassed of being with me, rather him wanting to look available to other girls, and social media is often where he finds them. When I've confronted him about blatantly obvious evidence, he denies everything and says he's never cheated on me. I feel like I've been going crazy for years, and feel like I really messed up by moving back in with him, but am so tired of being uprooted and moving around."

 

This is so disturbing. The father is the least of your problems. What in the world are you doing with your life!? Did you get a job?

 

I hope you use condoms and get tested regularly. You relationship is sick and emotionally abusive.

 

I agree. you should move out - by yourself, without the boyfriend

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Someone who cheats on you is NOT your support system. Being single is a better support system. Get your stuff and move to Jersey - by yourself. Period. Be single, get your head screwed on straight, get a job, work on finding hobbies and new friends. Friends moving away from you will happen your entire life. You do not respond to that by getting into an abusive relationship (yes cheating is a form of abuse) with a man old enough to be your dad. That is just gross. On top of that, this man's own father is also some old creep who comes around randomly to gawk at you. Talk about the apple not falling far from the tree. Like father like son. This entire situation is beyond disturbing.

 

Seriously.....grow up OP. It's high time. You have way bigger issues than this creepy old man creeping around you...literally. Unless there is something you perversely enjoy about this situation and get off on yourself....LEAVE. Now. Today. NOTHING is stopping except yourself.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Someone who cheats on you is NOT your support system. Being single is a better support system. Get your stuff and move to Jersey - by yourself. Period. Be single, get your head screwed on straight, get a job, work on finding hobbies and new friends. Friends moving away from you will happen your entire life. You do not respond to that by getting into an abusive relationship (yes cheating is a form of abuse) with a man old enough to be your dad. That is just gross. On top of that, this man's own father is also some old creep who comes around randomly to gawk at you. Talk about the apple not falling far from the tree. Like father like son. This entire situation is beyond disturbing.

 

Seriously.....grow up OP. It's high time. You have way bigger issues than this creepy old man creeping around you...literally. Unless there is something you perversely enjoy about this situation and get off on yourself....LEAVE. Now. Today. NOTHING is stopping except yourself.

She also cheated on him... Apparently he's not meeting her sexual needs nor is his father respecting her privacy needs. Makes one wonder why she is still living there with him?

 

Is it better than being homeless, Pinky? Is that why you put up with it all?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Pinky, you do realize that this will not go on forever. He will find a younger replacement and toss you out. Don't you think you should deal with your alcoholism, the abuse through a counselor/support group, and find a job before it happens?

 

What do you get out of this horrendous situation? I will not call it relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd move but first I'd put a chain lock on the door so he cant just waltz into your apt. He wont like it, but too bad. There are landlord and tenant laws everywhere, you need to get a copy of them for your area and if your bf wont show him the relevant part about just walking in, then you need to do it.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

He may not have boundaries, but you share equal, maybe more responsibility in enforcing yours. You've done your part. You've made your case and he chooses to ignore it. Now it's a matter of being disrespectful.

Put a chain on the door and when he bumps into it, tell him that you have asked for your privacy respectfully and since it hasn't happened, this was your only choice.

Point out that you would never just walk in on him. Please give you the same courtesy.

Let him deal the with discomfort and leave him to it 'til he works it out.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I just got a PM stating I am a troll. All I did was repost earlier threads.

 

OP, get your life together! Get a job, go to AA, get abuse counseling, and most importantly, lose the old man bf!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...