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If BOTH parties are fine with zero sex.

 

However, according to your previous thread you very much desire sex with your wife.

 

Real question is...can YOU live the rest of your life without sex?

 

I’m asking as I’m wondering if it’s something I should think about due to the fact I don’t want to loose my wife.

Yes I do desire sex but what I’m looking to know does people in sexless marriages have absolutely no sexual activity whatsoever.

I’m trying to cover all my options if I’m going to try and accept a compromise if that’s even possible.

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Why overthink it? Just chill on the sex topic for awhile and let things settle down between the both of you. I haven't followed your whole other thread but you seem extremely consumed by it (to the point of obsession). Most obsessive thoughts are unattractive.

 

What irony would it be if, for example, you gave up all thought of it and she started warming up to the idea in a few months or next year?

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Why overthink it? Just chill on the sex topic for awhile and let things settle down between the both of you. I haven't followed your whole other thread but you seem extremely consumed by it (to the point of obsession). Most obsessive thoughts are unattractive.

 

What irony would it be if, for example, you gave up all thought of it and she started warming up to the idea in a few months or next year?

 

There is no obsession trust me, you obviously don’t know me from Adam and I do appreciate your input so I don’t mean to offend you in any way as this is not my intention.

It has been months, April this year was the last time and this is the reason I’m so worried about what’s going on and also trying my hardest to understand.

If I had an explanation it would help us work on it but I’m getting no feedback or help to understand.

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I guess it depends on your age and libido.

 

I am currently in my early 30s, my sex drive is already lower than before my depression issues in my 20s, though I am not sure if this is because of aging, or residual effects of depression. I remember when I had a girlfriend at university, I would get the urge pretty much whenever we were alone together somewhere private... and it wasn't especially unusual to have two or three "goes" in the evening before going to sleep.

 

Now there are actually occasionally days when I am not particularly in the mood. If my girlfriend initiates, I do physically respond and reciprocate, but sometimes I get too tired and lose "it" before I finish. If we occasionally do it more than once a night, I usually need quite a while to recover in-between.

 

Extrapolating this trend, I suspect by the time I am 40, I would probably be okay with once a week. By the time I am 50, I would probably be okay with just sex on special occasions. By 55-60, I doubt I would find anyone close to my age physically attractive enough to do the deed, so I would be fine with a sexless marriage at that point.

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You just got back together after major marital conflicts. Now you're giving her "space" (withdrawing/giving up, doing what you want). But... no marriage therapy, no romance and no attempt to improve the marriage.

 

Very often "sexless marriage" is the prelude to and justification for cheating. This thread is obviously rhetorical and some sort of justification for whatever it is you are driving at.

 

She resents you, you resent her, the contempt and disrespect are rampant and you're wondering why there's no intimacy? You don't need a survey with invasive personal questions to figure out your marriage is still on the rocks, do you? Ask your therapist.

Is there absolutely zero sexual activity in your marriage?

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I'm in my mid 50s and my libido has not dropped one bit. AnD yes, I am experiencing symptoms of "the change" (night sweats, so much fun!) but it hasn't lowered at all.

 

I will say that lack of sex was a major contributor to my decision to divorce my husband. I desired him (he's very attractive ) but he wasn't interested. I want sex in a relationship/marriage.

 

Again, both partners would have to be OK with either no sex or with some kind of "compromise".

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I would not say attraction wanes because you are older . I find my husband just as attractive and he tells me I am beautiful daily. We ARE attracted to each other. Just have no libido. I went through menopause a lot earlier than some, totally done by 47. I have severe reproductive system issues and lost 4 babies which contributes to me not feeling “ sexual” and plus being raped by 3 people by the age of 19 doesn’t contribute to “ sexy “ feeling.

 

My husband absolutely NEEDS SSRI’s to function or he is passed out from anxiety.

 

But we have a great passionate love for each other .

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You can speculate about age related difficulties such as menopause, ED etc however most lack of intimacy issues in marriages are caused by marital conflict which you have stated in other threads there is a boatload of. Talk to your therapist.

 

Your wife is not giving you the cold shoulder because she's feeling loved or understood or romanced. And you know this very well. In fact you just decided that announcing that you were withdrawing further and giving her "space" (punishment for no sex) was a great idea.

 

You're both in the marriage unilaterally and completely camped in your respective corners devising ways to punish each other. What a mess.

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From your previous post: My wife has always been funny about sex but it was in a way that I could live with

 

You've "settled" during your entire married life. A difference in libido, or being sexually incompatible, should be a dealbreaker for anyone who wants a satisfying partnership. When you expect someone to change to be happy, it's unfair to the other person. They are who they are.

 

Many people marry too young before having enough lifetime experience to make a wise decision. She belongs with someone who matches her sexually, and you belong with someone who matches you in that area.

 

She doesn't care enough about you to see if counseling would help your relationship, or to see if there is something medically going on with her body, like hormones being unbalanced.

 

Your love for her hasn't changed the situation. Since you two don't possess the skills to improve things on your own, if you don't want your entire life to be one of "settling," you should probably end things and give yourself a second chance at finding a woman who meets ALL of your main needs, after a substantial amount of time being single to heal and move on. When you get time and distance away from a relationship that should've never been, you will shake your head at why you stayed too long.

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I am in a sexless relationship. We have been together 3 years and live together. We were not always sexless... before we were "officially" together, we had sex multiple times a day for months. It stopped altogether when we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I continued to try to initiate, but he just is no longer interested. It makes me feel awful about myself and the relationship will not continue forever. I know that there are people out there that it can work for, but I'm 23, unmarried, and a very sexual person. I think what is attractive about our relationship is that it basically functions like best friends who are also roommates. We do everything together. He is extremely attached to my family. When we do have sex, which is maybe once about every 2 months, it is AWESOME -- which is why I hate that he never wants to do it. I've wrestled with myself for a while about how sex functions in a relationship, I've even cheated to get my needs met, and I think that later in my life I could see myself being happy in this sort of arrangement; but for now, this ain't it sis. ;)

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I am in a sexless relationship. We have been together 3 years and live together. We were not always sexless... before we were "officially" together, we had sex multiple times a day for months. It stopped altogether when we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I continued to try to initiate, but he just is no longer interested. It makes me feel awful about myself and the relationship will not continue forever. I know that there are people out there that it can work for, but I'm 23, unmarried, and a very sexual person. I think what is attractive about our relationship is that it basically functions like best friends who are also roommates. We do everything together. He is extremely attached to my family. When we do have sex, which is maybe once about every 2 months, it is AWESOME -- which is why I hate that he never wants to do it. I've wrestled with myself for a while about how sex functions in a relationship, I've even cheated to get my needs met, and I think that later in my life I could see myself being happy in this sort of arrangement; but for now, this ain't it sis. ;)

 

If you need to cheat break up.

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You didn't get enough advise in your previous thread with 52 responses?

 

Take sex off the table. Can't put it any more simple than that. Take sex off the table and start working on your relationship from the ground up.

 

Not the other way around. You'll just end up exactly where you are at now. . asking how to get sex out of an already unhappy wife in a disconnected marriage.

 

Do marriages survive without sex? Only if you want it too.

 

Either that or you are looking for permission to leave or get it elsewhere. You don't need permission from a bunch of virtual strangers.

 

Do whatcha gotta do.

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Thanks folks for the input.

I wasn’t saying I wanted this by any means it was just to see if they work.

Nothing is set in stone as such and we are going to have a chat tomorrow about the whole thing. All I was doing was looking for advice so I know how to approach things.

 

Yes I decided to give space not to make matters worse but to try and help.

I know know body knows me on a personal level here and can’t really see the full picture but believe me I have tried because after 24 years with my wife I don’t want this to go south.

 

It’s getting to me in a big way that I can’t get through to her no matter what I do or try and this isn’t purely based around sex it’s based around her attitude and distance towards me for a reason I don’t know but would like too.

 

Anyway again thanks for the advice and the time you took to comment it truly does mean a lot, good or bad as I do need to hear some things I don’t want to because it puts other issues into the picture I may not have thought would have.

 

Hopefully tomorrow I will have an idea of what’s going on.

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I think it's telling that you post in a sex folder and you start your plight in each one by telling us you aren't having sex.

But when advise is given you do a 180 and insist it isn't about the sex.

 

You sex life or lack there of is typically a barometer that you can measure the health of your relationship by.

No sex is a symptom of something larger. You can't keep going after the symptom. You have to get to the root of problem.

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I am sure there are some that work... Valentino Garevani and his partner come to mind as an example... I believe they have an open relationship though so they get their needs met elsewhere....

 

Personally I’ve had relationships where I had no desire for sex but it was always rooted in something deeper as reinvent says. Never just about the sex... I actually have a high sex drive but if I am not feeling safe, supported or loved my desire vanishes like a wisp of smoke.

 

In my current relationship (me 47, him 42) our sex drives are very compatible and we have sex one or more times a day.

 

Sex for women depends totally on how emotionally connected they feel with you...if they don’t feel it they typically won’t want to connect physically.

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Would you find the other issues more tolerable if she were still having sex with you?

 

In all honesty I don’t have any other issues with her I always try not to point blame admittedly I have in the past but I decided a while ago life is to short. I find I desire sex because we all know it’s good for you it does a lot for body and mind but it also makes you feel loved. Well that’s kinda how I see it.

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In all honesty I don’t have any other issues with her I always try not to point blame admittedly I have in the past but I decided a while ago life is to short. I find I desire sex because we all know it’s good for you it does a lot for body and mind but it also makes you feel loved. Well that’s kinda how I see it.

 

So when you wrote this, you don't view it as an "issue"?

"I’ll be honest. She has no interest in hearing about my feeling and she has made this clear in the past. I don’t mean this of her in a bad way she just said that’s not the kind of people we are.

I have arranged stuff to do, run away in the car for a while as we used to love something so simple but she just found it boring. The other night we went out to the movies and ended up leaving 30 minutes into the film because she got angry over nothing to which I got the blame of. "

 

And her hiding of her phone and blocking you from seeing her location on her phone?

 

I'm not trying to pile on, but you're kind of all over the place. Your previous thread talked about sex being a central issue but now you're saying it's not.

 

Do you just want to stay married to her no matter how bad it gets?

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So when you wrote this, you don't view it as an "issue"?

"I’ll be honest. She has no interest in hearing about my feeling and she has made this clear in the past. I don’t mean this of her in a bad way she just said that’s not the kind of people we are.

I have arranged stuff to do, run away in the car for a while as we used to love something so simple but she just found it boring. The other night we went out to the movies and ended up leaving 30 minutes into the film because she got angry over nothing to which I got the blame of. "

 

And her hiding of her phone and blocking you from seeing her location on her phone?

 

I'm not trying to pile on, but you're kind of all over the place. Your previous thread talked about sex being a central issue but now you're saying it's not.

 

Do you just want to stay married to her no matter how bad it gets?

 

I admit I’m all over the place my head is a mess, I’ve not slept or eaten in days and I’m still having to run a normal life so yeah. I am contradicting myself a fair bit as I’m at my wits end.

 

I’m just going to stop posting for a bit till I see what’s happening.

But you are correct in pointing out there is other things I’m unhappy with.

 

Thanks.

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