Advice please

[Rose Mosse]

Go if you think you'll have fun. Don't go if the idea is boring to you. It's his friend's hen party after all and doesn't sound much of a friend to you. Do you hang out with them much or know them?

[Hollyj]

OP, your focus should be on why he has not shut this girl down. If he had, she would not be flirting with him, when they see one another- he enjoys the attention and this is disrespectful and hurtful to you. Sorry, but little has changed since he cheated on you. You need to wake up. He is the problem. Time to look at the big picture!

[MissCanuck]

I honestly don’t have a distrust in my boyfriend, the whole post is about thoughts on whether I should attend the hen party which is what is bringing me down at the moment

 

How close are you to the bride? Does she know what happened between your boyfriend and her best friend?

[Wiseman2]

Perhaps it's too painful and embarrassing to go? It's a long time ago but many people there may know about your bf's indiscretions, no?

 

Also there's a painful irony celebrating this woman's wedding, commitment, etc in stark contrast to your bf's lack of commitment to you.

 

If you believe they will pity you or are still be gossiping about your bf's behavior and betrayals then perhaps foregoing the whole thing would help.

A couple of years ago my boyfriend cheated on me (kissed) the brides best friend, who turns out to be the maid of honour. Although I have forgiven him and we have moved on, I have found it hard to forgive the girl as she knew he had a girlfriend at the time and every time we see her at friend events she tries and makes conversation with my boyfriend.

[sophielsx]

Yes she knew and she never told me... but now defends her best friend saying it wasn’t her fault

[sophielsx]

Me and my boyfriend are committed to each other so I don’t believe that that is painful irony, but yes the majority of the people that are going will know about it, so yes I do feel embarrassed but more so I’m worried about whether I will be comfortable in that situation or not. I feel I don’t go I will be pushed out of a friend group I was never really in, if that makes sense. I do feel like all of his friends and obviously people on here judge why I am still with him, but honestly I love him and he loves me and he has admitted to a mistake, a big mistake. He feels massively guilty about the way I am feeling about not going on the hen do, but it is in the past now and none of us can do anything to change it.

I think deep down I have made my mind up, which is not to go, as I have to think of myself instead of others (I’m bad at doing this), it’s not a situation I ever thought I’d be in but I am.

Really I just wanted peoples thoughts on what they would do in the situation, so I look bad for not going? Do I look bad for going? It’s a really difficult decision and I’m finding it really hard

[Wiseman2]

Your heart and soul are not in this so just send best wishes and tell them you can't make it.

[catfeeder]

I feel I don’t go I will be pushed out of a friend group I was never really in, if that makes sense.

 

So then why bother? These people are not close to you, and they make you feel uncomfortable. So why would you want to put yourself through an hour of that, much less 3 days?

 

Don't torture yourself about it. These people are not your friends, so what's in it for you? Move your focus onto exploring new interests, and you'll make friends over time who you can feel happy with--not judged by.

 

Head high.

[MissCanuck]

It doesn't sound as though you are all that close to the bride, and there's obviously some residual tension. For that reason, I personally wouldn't go. There's not much point.

 

And I wouldn't give a crap about anyone else's opinion of that.

[Rose Mosse]

I feel I don’t go I will be pushed out of a friend group I was never really in, if that makes sense.

 

It sounds like a feeling of acceptance overall that you're worried about (feeling afraid that by not going you'll fall further outside their approval).

 

There's nothing you can do to earn the trust of others or the approval of others except be you and be true to yourself. It's more or less pervasive in your behaviours or actions and the way you live your life. Being accepted shouldn't require you to do anything you prefer not to do. Don't worry so much about what they think. If you've made up your mind deep down not to go, don't worry. It's not the end of the world. There are plenty of other get togethers. The important part is that your boyfriend should respect you for your decisions.