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Seinfeld-esque Dating Stories


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Oldie:

 

A zillion years ago I meet an interesting woman while in a city I travel to often for work. One of those fun nights, good vibes. We stay in touch, this in the pre-text years where you could do that in an email or two over 6 months without losing your mind or thinking you're engaged.

 

I end up back out in the city, for a good stretch. We plan to have dinner. When I pick her up she is a completely different person. All vibrancy replaced by a kind of lethargy. "Was helping a friend move, got all stressed, took two Klonopin," she says as we sit down at an Italian restaurant. Soon she is asleep. At the table.

 

I ask the waiter to do the food to-go, drive her home, drive to the house I'm renting and watch a movie while eating her entree, which was better than mine.

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I have curly hair. Thanks all that's holy for brazilian blowouts, because I been a slave to my hair. (keeping it straight, or at least trying to)

 

I live in a beach community and I swear every - first - date wants to end the date by trotting me down the pier at the end of the night. My straight haired friends don't have this luck. It's become a joke. My best friend checking on me the morning after each first date, asking how it went. `Let me guess, he walked you down the pier?, Ha haha ha'

 

By the time I get back to the car I am barely recognizable. Sad, but hilarious.

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A woman I know, who is very attractive and has beautiful medium length, curly, red hair...

 

She started dating this guy, and on the 2nd or 3rd date he said "You look like Raggedy Anne"

 

Ha! My boyfriend said something like that to me once, but it wasn't about my hair, it was about my outfit. He said, "That is the ugliest outfit I've ever seen."

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Ha! My boyfriend said something like that to me once, but it wasn't about my hair, it was about my outfit. He said, "That is the ugliest outfit I've ever seen."

 

We men are all like Homer Simpson, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

 

My friend was getting ready to go to a party with his live-in girlfriend (it was fall). She walked down the stairs, turned around and said "My a$$ looks fat in these jeans".

 

Instead of saying "Oh no sweetheart, not in the least" he said "...and the holidays are coming up" :eek:

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I'm cracking up at these!!!

 

I had a date with someone from OLD. We met at an ice cream parlor as the first meet up, and then walked around the shopping center for awhile after. I wasn't really feeling him, but allowed the kiss that came at the end, and his beard/mustache combo was so scratchy that I legit had a small "burn" from it! I was nice and went on another date with him before I decided that I wasn't into it for real.

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I'm cracking up at these!!!

 

I had a date with someone from OLD. We met at an ice cream parlor as the first meet up, and then walked around the shopping center for awhile after. I wasn't really feeling him, but allowed the kiss that came at the end, and his beard/mustache combo was so scratchy that I legit had a small "burn" from it! I was nice and went on another date with him before I decided that I wasn't into it for real.

 

Could have been dangerous if things continued!!! :stung:

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I had an online meet n'greet with someone who came off super aggressive and very needy over dinner. I got a really uneasy vibe for him.

 

He walked me to my car and while I was standing at the opening of my car he had one hand on the hood and the other on the top of door, basically cornering me.

 

I gave him zero indication I was interested, to the contrary and I wouldn't have kissed anyone on a first meet anyway.

 

I am now roped in and he goes in for a kiss and I literally ducked under his arms to end up now on the outside of circle he had me in. You have to have been there to see it. No doubt anyone watching would have laughed.

 

Not sure how I got back to my car.

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Here's a nice one for you!

 

A few members on here have read my dating journal and may remember J, the guy I dated for about 4 months before my now bf. Met him on OLD and we had a pretty good relationship. He told me initially that he was fine with no kids, didn't have any, etc.... well, what ultimately ended the relationship was when he admitted to me that in fact he loved children and wanted to be married and have them more than anything, and that he didn't tell me initially because he didn't want "us" to end (and probably wanted to see if I changed my mind).

 

We parted amicably and remained social media friends, and he just announced that his current gf is pregnant with a daughter. He's over the moon, and I'm also very happy for him. :)

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I had an online meet n'greet with someone who came off super aggressive and very needy over dinner. I got a really uneasy vibe for him.

 

He walked me to my car and while I was standing at the opening of my car he had one hand on the hood and the other on the top of door, basically cornering me.

 

I gave him zero indication I was interested, to the contrary and I wouldn't have kissed anyone on a first meet anyway.

 

I am now roped in and he goes in for a kiss and I literally ducked under his arms to end up now on the outside of circle he had me in. You have to have been there to see it. No doubt anyone watching would have laughed.

 

Not sure how I got back to my car.

 

LOL.

 

Reminds me of an OLD first date that I had. We met for lunch at a restaurant. He wasn't creepy or anything but I felt lukewarm about him. He walked me to my car after lunch. I didn't want to kiss him so I as I opened the door to my car, I stepped around it so that it created a barrier between us as we said our goodbyes. I did it very fluidly, while talking, so that it seemed natural.

 

I did end up dating him a couple of months later. He wooed me with his humor. But once we started dating, his true personality emerged, which was brooding and peevish. It seemed he was always annoyed with me for something. And one day--months into the relationship, probably six months after our initial date--he said to me, "When we first met, it kind of annoyed me that you put your door between us as if I was going to attack you."

 

I was like, Oh brother. Like, Duh.

 

I said, "Of course I didn't think you were going to attack me, but as a woman I always have to be careful." He didn't try to argue with me. But I could tell he was annoyed. That was his default position.

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  • 1 month later...

Yikes what a time-bomb. 💣🌋

one day, probably six months after our initial date--he said to me, "When we first met, it kind of annoyed me that you put your door between us as if I was going to attack you." But I could tell he was annoyed. That was his default position.
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