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Seinfeld-esque Dating Stories


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My date and I were going for an after-dinner drink. He parked the car, and I jumped out to pay the meter.

 

I glanced back and noticed he got out out a cardboard box from the glove compartment and took a pill out of it. I clearly saw that it said "Cialis".

I watched as he took a pill, drank from his water bottle, and got out of the car.

 

Yep, he took a Cialis (like Viagra) just prior to our after-dinner drink, which was conveniently close to my house.

 

I drank my drink really fast and said I couldn't wait for him to take me home! He sprinted to the car, and I kissed him a bunch, and then I said, "Oh I'm so sorry, but I have an early morning. Nite!!!" and I watched as he and his 4-hour erection drove away. :D

 

True. Story.

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limichelle, several of your stories made me laugh, but this one really got me:

 

I went out with a guy on a first date when I was 19 and we were dressed exactly the same. It was a blind date set up by my friend. I had on a long sleeved white v neck shirt with a blue sporty vest. He showed up with the same shirt and vest.

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This is so me:

 

I froze, stood up abruptly and blurted out, "I'm very sorry but I've got to do some laundry."

 

About eight years ago, my cousins really wanted to set me up with their friend, Kyle. I agreed, and Kyle and I met one day at my cousins' house. It was very informal. Actually, it was a 'renovation party' and everyone was painting or sledge hammering something (I liked the sledge hammer).

 

Kyle and I met, talked. He was pleasant enough. A little older than I usually dated. I don't think we exchanged numbers at that time. I remember thinking that if he liked me, he could get my number from my cousins.

 

Not long after, I met a guy named Jay and sparks flew. We were dating about a month when Kyle suddenly friended me on Facebook and messaged the sht out of me. He was talking about all sorts of date ideas, taking me horseback riding etc.

 

It was a little overwhelming, but Kyle was my cousins' friend so I thought I'd give it a go.

 

Kyle and I went to a nice dinner and had a pretty good time. He invited me to go camping with him in two weeks and I said "No." He tried to persuade me by saying, "Your cousins will be there," but I still said "No." He continued to insist, and finally I looked him straight in the face and said, "I'M NOT GOING CAMPING WITH YOU."

 

About a week later, Kyle asked me out to dinner for the following Friday. I accepted. But between that phone call and the coming Friday, things with Jay had started to move forward. By the time Friday came around, I didn't feel comfortable allowing Kyle to buy me dinner.

 

I called Kyle and tried to downgrade the dinner date to coffee. For some reason, he was intent on getting dinner. I was intent on not letting him buy me dinner, so it ended up being this weird situation where I sat and drank a cup of coffee while he had a full dinner.

 

After dinner, Kyle wanted to take me for a drive around the city where he grew up. I figured this would be a good time to tactfully explain to him that I was dating around and not looking to rush into anything. Unfortunately, Kyle spent the whole time narrating the tour he was giving me and paid no attention to anything I had to say.

 

Finally, when we pulled back into the parking lot of the restaurant, I used the good-bye moment to explain that I was dating someone else, that it was early on in the dating process, and that I wasn't really certain where things were going. I kind of rambled on a bit in my nervousness and finally he cut me short and said, "I get it; you have to make a choice." To my own amazement, I blurted out, "No, I've made my choice already."

 

I was horrified by my rudeness, as I'd basically told Kyle that I'd chosen Jay over him. But Kyle seemed strangely unphased by this news. In fact, instead of calling it quits then and there, he suddenly decided it would be a great idea for us to drive to my cousins' house for an impromptu visit.

 

I really didn't see the need to drop in on them like that, but Kyle was really keen on it so I relented. To my great relief, they were not home. Yay.

 

Then Kyle suggested we go back to his apartment to watch a movie. I thought, "Well, I've already told him that I didn't choose him, and he knows I'm not trying to rush into a relationship. I guess he's ok starting as friends." And I went back with him.

 

But the minute I got to his apartment, I wanted to leave. I felt stuck. I didn't want to be rude, but I definitely didn't want to be there. I figured I'd have one glass of wine, watch part of the movie, and then leave. And that's just what I did. In the middle of the movie, I stood up, blurted out, "I have to go home and feed my dog." And left. It was 11PM and a ridiculous excuse. But I never really looked back.

 

In retrospect, I realize that when I'd said, "I've made my choice already," I never specifically stated that I'd chosen Jay and not Kyle. I think that Kyle must have assumed that I'd meant that I'd chosen him (Kyle) over the competition. That explains why the date kept going after my admission, and why he dragged me to my cousins' house like some sort of trophy. And then tried to seal the deal with a private showing of Get Him to the Greek.

 

Yikes. He must have been so confused after I ran out of his house like that.

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I went on a blind date. The guy never approached me at the meeting place. He called my friend and said he thought I was ugly. I was stood up. He was actually there, but decided not to approach me. Weeks or a month or two later, he saw me with my friend. He called and asked her who was the knockout she was with, because he was hoping to be set up with her. I don't think that was a Seinfeld episode, but it should have been.

 

Abitbroken, curious to know how this guy reacted when the friend informed him of who you were (meaning that he had a chance to meet you yet blew it)?

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This one comes from someone I had a little weekend romance with. I'd imagine she'd be okay with me sharing.

 

Guy picks her up in an expensive Mercedes truck, one of those boxy numbers that retail in the six figure range. Within moments he pulls out one of those walkie-talkie vape things, releases a Chernobyl-like cloud of strawberry-guava-watermelon quasi-smoke.

 

"What do you think about this sort of vaping?" he asks.

 

"Honestly, I don't think it's particularly cool," she says."But to each his own."

 

He stops, turns the car around, drops her back off at home. Date was five minutes.

 

"I need someone who gets me," he says.

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Abitbroken, curious to know how this guy reacted when the friend informed him of who you were (meaning that he had a chance to meet you yet blew it)?

 

I am not sure/remember what the reaction was, but this is what happened next...

 

She had a dinner party at her place several weeks (i am guessing it was getting near the holidays now) later (maybe 8 weeks later?) and i was out of town and there was no intent on either of our parts that i would have been there at all. He was invited, and the first thing he said was "where's Abit?" And my friends like "?????" He thought the party was a set up to get us together/to let him apologize and give another shot. He was expecting me to be there, all excited to meet him for real. All he did was talk about me and how i looked like someone who didn't take crap from men. How ironic. Well, he pegged me right. And he has only dated floosies.

 

Oh btw, when he saw me and my friend and called her later and asked who the looker was, he could have just came right up to us, right? (he called her home phone because this wasn't 2019), He could have said "hey, abit's friend, how's it going? Oh, hi I'm Cluelessdude." But nope.

 

BTW, I had never been on a date up until this point, which he didn't know that. So that was my very first dating experience. Nice intro, huh?

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On one of my MANY (unfortunately) On-Line Dating dates...

 

I chatted for awhile with this woman and we decided to meet for dinner. When she arrived at the restaurant, she looked me up and down and said "I thought you'd be taller"...

 

I refrained from saying "I thought you would have bigger boobs..." :stung:

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I went out with a guy I dubbed HSG (this was before acronyms were a thing and it stood for Half Sandwich Guy). I will explain. We met at a singles event, went out once or twice then nothing for a few years till we bumped into each other on a dating site and met again. I remembered that he was very cheap -I mean cheap as in making it clear he wasn't taking me out for a meal, I believe stingy on tipping like that. He also talked a lot about how his ex girlfriend just wanted his $ and was high maintenance like that. Classy.

 

So we met one night middle of the week in the nice cafe that was in the ground floor of his apartment building (and also a cafe I frequented so it wasn't a ploy). However he'd asked if we could meet at his place and I'd said no - not so I could get a meal just because I wasn't quite ready for the "my place" thing. We sat down and by the time he was able to meet it was my dinner time. He said he wasn't hungry/wasn't ordering/made a comment about how he could make me hot cocoa at his place. But I was hungry so I explained to him I was going to order a sandwich and I was not expecting him to treat or anything - I said it very politely, he understood and I was totally fine with paying my own way.

 

The food comes and I realize - huge sandwich -too much for me. So I said "would you like half my sandwich?" before digging in (and it was cut already in half). He says yes quickly and digs in so obviously he was somewhat hungry. The check comes. I take out my wallet and he makes no effort to ask if he can chip in, leave the tip, nada. I then went upstairs with him to his place (yes I changed my mind and felt comfortable, yes I knew nothing would happen and nothing did). We go upstairs and the first thing I see is a photo of a married couple. I recognize the husband -it's my ex boyfriend's best friend from childhood and his new wife, my date's sister. Small world.

 

So given the cumulative stinginess and the last straw of "eat half my dinner, don't even offer to leave the tip" I was done with HSG and years later when my ex and I got back together and married I enjoyed hearing about how his friend's brother in law HSG was "still single" and she couldn't understand why. He's in his 50s now.

 

Side note -ironically I've often got an amount of push back on my opinion of HSG's actions -that there's no reason he should have offered to chip in since I was the one who was hungry and since he didn't order. To each her own. I know I could not sit there and eat part of someone's meal, order nothing and not even offer to pay or to treat for drinks/dessert, etc whether date or friend or whatever.

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Side note -ironically I've often got an amount of push back on my opinion of HSG's actions -that there's no reason he should have offered to chip in since I was the one who was hungry and since he didn't order. To each her own. I know I could not sit there and eat part of someone's meal, order nothing and not even offer to pay or to treat for drinks/dessert, etc whether date or friend or whatever.

 

I would not have expected him to contribute HOWEVER it goes to simple social graces that if you are meeting someone at a cafe - even if its Called "Meat on a stick" and you are vegan or its the "wholesome whole grain bakery" and you are celiac - you find something - even tea or something, to have to be social. Otherwise the other person feels like its "watch me eat theater". Like you don't go to a cafe for free wifi unless you order even something small out of respect for the management. Its another matter if you are not feeling well. but if you invited the other person out, and you asked for the date, leave the tip, for goodness sake.

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I am not sure/remember what the reaction was, but this is what happened next...

 

She had a dinner party at her place several weeks (i am guessing it was getting near the holidays now) later (maybe 8 weeks later?) and i was out of town and there was no intent on either of our parts that i would have been there at all. He was invited, and the first thing he said was "where's Abit?" And my friends like "?????" He thought the party was a set up to get us together/to let him apologize and give another shot. He was expecting me to be there, all excited to meet him for real. All he did was talk about me and how i looked like someone who didn't take crap from men. How ironic. Well, he pegged me right. And he has only dated floosies.

 

Oh btw, when he saw me and my friend and called her later and asked who the looker was, he could have just came right up to us, right? (he called her home phone because this wasn't 2019), He could have said "hey, abit's friend, how's it going? Oh, hi I'm Cluelessdude." But nope.

 

BTW, I had never been on a date up until this point, which he didn't know that. So that was my very first dating experience. Nice intro, huh?

 

That's definitely quite the first dating experience. Sorry you had to go through that though, abit. But, you were clearly better off not having met this guy.

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