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Admittedly I'm overthinking this, but I feel like I'll relax a bit if I write it out and have the outlet.

 

A little background first: A woman and I met on an app, chatted for a bit, I asked her to coffee and we met at local place, talked for a few hours, then went our separate ways. We did both say we'd like to go out again. I sent her a follow-up message with my number and she texted me the next day. We texted a little bit but mostly just scheduling a second date which was dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. We had a good time on the second date, laughing, commonalities, etc. After the date I walked her to her subway station and we chatted for a bit there, we talked about our schedules over the next month. She's been busy on weekends but said she'd let me know if a day opened up and that her weeknights were mostly free. We talked about doing more dinners and going to beergardens (her suggestion) in the area. We hugged goodbye and I kissed her on the cheek, as she pulled back she said something like, "let's do this right" and went back in for a closed mouth kiss, which, being the awkward guy I am, was a little awkward. We kind of laughed it off and then she went to her train.

 

I texted her a link to a recent article about local beergardens and she suggested one to go to on Wednesday (she actually picked a place with wine, remembering my preference for wine over beer). The next day she texted back that she forgot she already had plans on Wednesday and asked if we could do it Friday instead, which I confirmed was fine, so we're going to do that.

 

So on the plus side: we talk and laugh well in person, there's certainly some intellectual chemistry there. Also, she initiated the "real" kiss, she could've just left it at the cheek. Finally, she did suggest the day and location of the date, instead of just kind of letting me push things while putting in minimal effort herself.

 

My concerns however: while the conversation was great in person, she responds to texts very slowly and non-conversationally. She's probably just not really into texting, but it could also be that she doesn't want to invest the time/energy. The kiss was awkward and that's obviously not good for me. Lastly, the postponement from Wednesday to Friday - I can't help but feel like there's another guy (hey its only a 3rd date and we met online, she's entitled to it) and she might've bumped me because she'd rather see what happens with him first. It all just feels very tenuous and I feel like I'm going to get a "so I met someone before you, we went out Wednesday and it looks like its going to become something serious, you're great blablabla, good luck" message. I hate that I'll probably have to wait until Thursday to see what happens with that.

 

So I don't know, I guess I'll probably just get a response or two here saying to chill out and see what happens. But interested in feedback regardless. Thanks for your time.

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Dude Friday night is prime time congratz....you didn't get "bumped".

 

AGREE!!

Also, you will sabotage this if you continue to overthink it. She is not a texter. Focus on the fact that she suggested the place for the next date = she is highly interested!! The fact that you both laughed at the awkwardness is GOOD. She LIKES YOU!

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Dude Friday night is prime time congratz....you didn't get "bumped".

 

Totally.

 

She may not want to invest with a lot of texting until she sees it’s actually going somewhere... or doesn’t want to be tied to her phone... or both.

 

Pace yourself with online communication... don’t build a relationship over text... and focus on getting to know her in person.

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"I can't help but feel like there's another guy (hey its only a 3rd date and we met online, she's entitled to it) and she might've bumped me because she'd rather see what happens with him first"

Dude! And, maybe she has plans with her gfs. Good grief. Friday is preferable to Wednesday.

 

You really need to get your anxiety under control.

Edited by Hollyj
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Woah, too much over-reaction over something so trivial! You are getting way too worked up over what is still a very early stage date! If you are not careful you are going to come across too needy and intense and scare her off!

 

Why do you think you are an awkward guy? Do not just accept such labels... if you get nervous on dates, go on more of them with more women, get some more practice, gain confidence and get rid of your scarcity mentality so you are not overthinking a single date with a single woman. Obviously if things progress with her to the exclusive stage, then you stop seeing other women, but until then, it does not hurt to cast a wide net.

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It's normal to not invest in texting with someone new. She may or may not be dating others - but that's not a cause for concern. Many people are. The purpose of the early dating is to have fun, learn about yourself, and feel out whether the other person may or may not be a match for you. Worry less about how you come across - you don't have a ton of control over that. Instead, see what you can learn about her. Two things happen when you focus on yourself - it can make you more awkward rather than less, and it can cause you to miss red flags that you should have seen if things do progress.

 

You got a kiss on the second date, that's a good sign! Next time will be better, my first kiss with a girl has always been really awkward, but it gets better after that.

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Oh the horror.....you got upgraded to prime date night.....better strap in tight....clearly she doesn't like you much....

 

Honestly, OP, can you try to be a little less self centered? I can guarantee you that people just do not think about you as much as you think about yourself and most definitely do not sit and micro analyze every single step and misstep you've made. I don't know how to break this to you, but you are human and humans ARE flawed. It's good, it's endearing, it's what makes life interesting, it's what adds fun and joy and color to life. So do yourself a favor and turn off your inner critic...or at least turned down the volume on it....a lot....

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I did not anticipate this many responses, I figured one or two would weigh in with a quick "stop being ridiculous". Anyway, thanks for all this. Just a little explanation - I've been single for a pretty long time, I've been on a ton of dates in that time, and have been rejected, cancelled on, ghosted, curbed, etc. by all but a small handful of those dates. I do overthink and jump to a negative conclusion too quickly, but its coming from years and years of precedent. Maybe it'll be different this time.

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I wouldn't be too concerned about the move to Friday. See how it goes. What doesn't feel good to me was how awkward and seemingly forced that kiss was. Was it really that necessary and what's the rush? I'd figure out whether you're actually as into her as you might have thought at first. It is ok not to feel any or enough chemistry with someone despite the date going well and the conversation being great. Your connection may not be what you need in order to continue a long term or longer term romance.

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I did not anticipate this many responses, I figured one or two would weigh in with a quick "stop being ridiculous". Anyway, thanks for all this. Just a little explanation - I've been single for a pretty long time, I've been on a ton of dates in that time, and have been rejected, cancelled on, ghosted, curbed, etc. by all but a small handful of those dates. I do overthink and jump to a negative conclusion too quickly, but its coming from years and years of precedent. Maybe it'll be different this time.

 

Most people aren't our match. Rather than wondering if or if not this one is going to succeed, try to take it one step at a time and just enjoy the moments. Try to make those moments as good for both parties as you can.

 

The best relationships I've had have been a series of great moments.

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As I like to put it - it's never the incident itself that matters - it's what hapens in the aftermath that matters.

That she postponed the date is not an issue. It's how she explains it or what she does after postponing the date that matters.

 

Life happens. Plans chaging happens. don't conclude anythign until you see what she says or does about it after she postpones it. (If she's already rescheduled the date to get together another time - you're gold. It just means somethign came up.... sue her..)

 

It's the AFTERMATH that tells you everything, not the incident itself - ALWAYS!

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I agree, you're reading too much into this.

 

Not everyone is into texting. I know a lot of people who don't enjoy texting back 'n forth. They're either very blunt, don't reply quickly and often or ignore. You have to back off with the texting if you know she's not into texting. Texting / typing takes time and not everyone wants to stop and take the time to text or become glued to their cell phone.

 

If kissing is awkward, tell her "let's do this right by slowing down." She sounds forward and aggressive. If you wish to slow the pace, then say so.

 

Postponement from Wed to Fri is perfectly permissible. She didn't cancel nor decline so be grateful.

 

You don't know if there's another guy in her life. Give her the benefit of the doubt and don't assume nor presume about another man otherwise your suspicious or accusatory thoughts could backfire one day. Be careful.

 

Since you already have the seeds of doubt deeply implanted within your brain, slow your roll and establish friendship with her first. Don't dive into a relationship yet. Take it SLOW. Get to know her character and personality more and give her a chance to observe and evaluate your personality and character, too. See if both of you are compatible and trustworthy.

 

Yes, chill out. Don't be so uptight, nervous nor second guess her. Be more easy going and relax otherwise you'll make her nervous.

 

A good way to scare her off is if you are perceived as insecure. Be more sure self assured and look forward to having a good time at the beergardens this Fri!

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I wouldn't be too concerned about the move to Friday. See how it goes. What doesn't feel good to me was how awkward and seemingly forced that kiss was. Was it really that necessary and what's the rush? I'd figure out whether you're actually as into her as you might have thought at first. It is ok not to feel any or enough chemistry with someone despite the date going well and the conversation being great. Your connection may not be what you need in order to continue a long term or longer term romance.

 

I think he kissed her far too early. I think its fine that it was awkward because most first kisses are. I would have been patient, though and waited for a better moment/. I wonder if you "had" to do the kiss if you think you aren't a good dater so she had a reason to be scared off - sort of like a test. You have to relax. Don't try for another kiss. Let her initiate.

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I think he kissed her far too early. I think its fine that it was awkward because most first kisses are. I would have been patient, though and waited for a better moment/. I wonder if you "had" to do the kiss if you think you aren't a good dater so she had a reason to be scared off - sort of like a test. You have to relax. Don't try for another kiss. Let her initiate.

 

I had to go back there and check. She was the one who kissed him. I suppose it's not too bad if they're both happy about the connection or if it was a test in connection (good point).

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I think he kissed her far too early. I think its fine that it was awkward because most first kisses are. I would have been patient, though and waited for a better moment/. I wonder if you "had" to do the kiss if you think you aren't a good dater so she had a reason to be scared off - sort of like a test. You have to relax. Don't try for another kiss. Let her initiate.

 

I don't think the kiss was too early at all. SHE clearly didn't have any issues with a kiss on the first date, as she initiated more than a peck on the cheek. By her actions, it sounds like she was really into him and he was going too slow. Not everyone is uptight about a kiss or touch on a first date. It can be hard to judge, but I think the OP is in the clear on this one, if he wants to initiate a kiss or some smooching next time, as she clearly seems happy to accept such advances. I know I would. I do enjoy a good kiss at the end of a date gone well, even if it's a first date. Even at a "meet", I'm not opposed to a hug.

 

As for the rest, I think the OP is overthinking. I totally get your fear, however, that maybe she's meeting someone else on Wednesday and might decide to give that one a go and bail on the Friday date with you. BTDT. It's a valid fear. BUT, the reality is, all you can do is wait. She's not a texter, so don't text a lot. Maybe this will improve after a couple more dates. I personally don't like the all day, every day texting, but it's nice to check in and lob a few back and forth, even every day. Text her on Thursday to let her know you're looking forward to seeing her on the date on Friday, and you hope she's having a good day. You can text in between, maybe something funny or to ask about her day. Maybe call. Have a conversation. This is where I think you need to be a bit more careful and not overdo it. All you want to do is keep your foot wedged in the door, keep that momentum going, but not overwhelm her or appear needy and clingy.

 

It does sound promising that she has been very proactive with you, from getting a real kiss out of you, to planning a beer garden date that has wine after you sent the article, to rescheduling when she overscheduled herself, to scheduling on a Friday night, which is prime time. I think you're looking at a lot of positives with this lady, and you just need to try to relax. I know it's hard to wait so long when you're super excited to see her and know her more, but that's all you've got -- wait. Try to busy yourself with other things, so you don't get so wound up. Focus on the positive, not the what-ifs. There are no guarantees, but so far so good, IMO.

 

I hope you have a happy return and report to share.

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