JoeyBaga Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 I was dating this girl for 4 months. About a month ago we were getting pizza. I ran into get it, she looked through my texts and saw one from a guy friend of mine she didn’t like. He was rude to her a few months back. When I got back in the car she asked me if I’d ever talked to him. I said no because I hadn’t. The last time we had an actual conversation I asked him to apologize to her and he said he wouldn’t. Coincidentally he had invited me and another friend to his house earlier in the week. Maybe it was an attempt to reach out to me. Maybe he just didn’t consider our last conversation. He’s a very oblivious person which is why he ended up offending her. He says and does things that a person just shouldn't do at 26. He's cocky to the point of being arrogant and always thinks he right even though he never is. (I've known him since 6th grade and our parents are neighbors.) However, I didn’t go because I was going to be hanging out with my girlfriend. So I replied to the invite saying “maybe, probably going out though.” After that I never really thought about it again because it wasn’t important. I would have told her about it if it was. She never explicitly asked me to not be friends with this kid. I took it upon myself to tell him we weren't going to be around each other if he didn't apologize. So to make a long story short, she’s mad that I lied to her about speaking to this guy even though it was literally a 2 text exchange between us. As I said I hadn’t talked to him for months out of respect for her because he said he wouldn’t apologize. We fought that night. I tried to apologize and explain that I didn’t lie with any malice in my heart, I just didn’t think it was something worth telling. This was Saturday night. Sunday morning we spoke over text still arguing then we didn’t speak until Tuesday. She said she would give me another chance. On Thursday night she sent me this nice text saying “I’m sorry for being so distant but when you lied it crushed me.” She also said she wished we were together laying under the stars. I was very touched and reiterated how much I care for her and how much I regret the argument. Friday afternoon she texted me again and asked me to call her because she needed to talk. She told me how she was thinking we needed to take some time off and just be friends for a while. You see, she was in a two year relationship before ours. When we started up she had only been out of it for a few months. She once hinted that it had gotten pretty brutal for a while. So it felt like at times she was comparing me to her ex. She said she needed time to think about what she wants and that she needed to be single. However, it’s worth noting that a few weeks earlier she had told me that she was falling in love with me and how she feels safe with me and how she a future together. And that she trust's me. It’s also worth noting that it was her idea to have sex the first time and become official. The original plan was to wait, establish ourselves and then move on to the physical relationship. I was fine with that. The night it happened I constantly asked her if she was sure she wanted to take that step. I’ve tried to reach out a couple times. Admittedly, it was probably too much. The first time it was because she had left some stuff at my house and I asked if she wanted it. Also, we had booked a trip together and I wanted to know if I should cancel it. I didn't want to but she told me I should. Then I tried to explain that I miss her and want to work through the issue. That we don't have to throw everything away. She responded by saying she didn't know what I wanted her to say. That she asked me for space and that I only gave it to her for a a few days. And that I was only going to push her away more by being emotional. Then I didn't contact her for a week. I noticed that she had Venmo'd me money. I didn't know what it was for so I asked, turns out it was half the cancellation fee. After a few messages back and forth I sent this: I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do. But I’ve been thinking about what happened between us and I really regret it. I should have handled it differently. The interaction I had with him was insignificant to me but I should have thought about you. l should have just told you when you asked me about it. There was no malice, I just wasn’t thinking clearly. I should I have told him again that there would be no hanging out until he apologized to you because you’re the one who is important to me. I understand why you feel betrayed. And you’re right, I was less than trustable and I apologize. But I can be better. I pray this isn’t done for forever. She didn't respond. I let my emotions get the best of me and messaged her a couple more times. I shouldn't have. When she responded about 2 days later, she told me to let it go. However, she also once told me that she likes people who are persistent. Literally the night before, she was talking to me about how good we were together and talking about “our wedding” and “our kids” and how she picked out names already. A few weeks before that she told me she was falling in love with me and how she could see a future together. But now we are on break or broken up or whatever because she needs time to think. I don’t know if we’re done. Obviously, I don’t want to be. All the things she said she felt for me, I felt for her. And I think the whole argument was so stupid that it doesn’t matter who was right and who was wrong. I just want her back but she’s very stubborn. I just need to know if there is anything I can do to change things for the better? The people I’ve asked in my personal life have all said this isn’t my fault and that I really didn’t do anything. They said she’d contact me when she’s ready. But I’m so anxious over it. It’s all I think about. I genuinely liked/like this girl and I don’t want to see a relationship that I know can be good if we gave it a fair chance, free from all the insecurities. I’m not saying that I did everything correctly I know what I need to improve on my part. But I know she has trust issues and that she feels like somehow I broke her trust. I honestly didn't think that declining and invitation was anything I needed to tell her about. She said she looked at my phone because I told her I didn't have anything to hide, which I didn't think I did. I know its her job to learn to trust again and that all I can do is give her a target. Letting her know that I'm a safe space. So it's been 2 weeks since I tried to reach out to her. I was going to try to reach out again yesterday but then I decided maybe another week or so. Link to comment
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