TestTest Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 Hi everyone, after a couple of days of trying to cope with my situation, I am desperate to hear the opinion of other people on how I should behave before I do something stupid. So here it goes: I (M32) met a girl (27) six months ago after "only" a 2 month period after a pretty long relationship (~10years). I felt ready though as the relationship has not been good in the end for quite some time and we were good roommates and friends but not lovers anymore. So I started dating this new girl and it was awesome. Only downside was, that she had to spend time away for university after only 3 weeks of getting to know her. She left for 3 weeks then was back 5 then left for 7 then came back for 5 and left again for 2. It was hard being the one staying home and "waiting", but I tried to stay positive and looked forward to seeing her again - we messaged each other daily while she was gone. After her last trip she came back and something felt different though. She didn't look forward to seeing me as much as she used to after her trips. After another 3 weeks of being with her and right before she had to leave for her last ever trip of 2 weeks, she told me that she does not know what is going on but that she does not feel the same way about me anymore. She apparently still feels attracted to me but it is different to how it was and it bothers her. She said she knows that she is the problem here but she just can't tell me why she feels this way. We decided to take a break, for her to focus and find out what it is. Having no contact ruined me though and one week in I asked her to call me. After a nice conversation we inevitably got to the point where we discussed the situation we are in and she said that she can't tell me any more than the last time we spoke. At this point I told her that I can't just sit around like being on tenterhooks and that we better break up for real and she should contact me once she figures out what's going on with her. We both were sad and hung up. This was last week and so far I have not heard anything from her - it drives me crazy not knowing what she thinks and how she feels. I know she is busy with uni and has tons of people around her that distract her, but I still want this to work out and don't know what to do. I hoped that it had all to do with her simply being stressed with work, uni and needing time to process all the impressions she got during her last trip to Japan (they have this amazing course where they go to Sweden, the US and Japan in one semester). But after reading on the Internet for hours, I also got the impression that we have a classic anxious-avoidant relationship with me being anxious and overly clingy (I'd even say I feel codependent and assume I got this way because I never had a "normal" time with her but only these short "sprints" in between her times away that made me try to squeeze as much time together as I possibly could out of the time she was here). So I can understand that she might have started to feel different. I want to improve myself and stop being this way, but right now I want nothing more than to know if it is worth keeping my hopes up that once she's back we can make this work again. The uncertainty is killing me - especially because I am (at least I think) so deeply in love with her. No contact is apparently the best way (or is it?), but it feels wrong to not talk to her as I want to tell her about the understanding I now have and that I am willing to change the dynamic. Also I'd love to hear her perspective. We planned a week long trip at the end of September that I am not even sure if i should cancel or not. She has things from me at her place and I have stuff from her. So am I just going to hold still and wait for her to get back and contact me again about all of this? Or is no contact the wrong thing in this situation - there are contradicting theories out there. Even thought about asking a friend of hers that is with her right now if he could tell me if she said anything and whether he believes I should wait it out. I am really confused, exhausted and want her to be back with me. Looking forward to hearing what you have to say - maybe someone can help me through this. Thanks! Link to comment
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