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I have a huge crush on a coworker, but i'm married


MyTime007
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It started a year ago, he was new and used to come and talk to me every day in my office. He is single, im married with one child. AT first it was a little bit strange but as time went by I started to like this, at first as a friend, but know I lost my mind for him. He is very fun, and now I can admit that I had a crush on him from the moment we first talked. Maybe he has noticed that. Every coffe braek, lunch break is with him, afterwork sometimes. It is happening every day. Messages are all day long. He is giving me nice compliments, asking me out sometimes. I'm going crazy I lost my mind. I really don't know how to stop this. I will be absent for a few weeks from my workplace in the next period. My husband has noticed this and he is very julouse. Please help

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You know how to stop this. You just don't want to, because the attention and flattery feels too good.

 

If you don't want to make a total mess of your life, end this emotional affair and concentrate on fixing what's broken inside your marriage. Remember that even if you and your crush took things to a physical level, it doesn't mean it would evolve into a relationship. This man is knowingly pursuing a married woman. That often doesn't end well, and will leave you in even more pain when he eventually meets another woman and leaves you in the dust, with no crush and an unhappy marriage. Very frequently, people who go after married folks are not looking for a relationship with them, but an easy way to have some fun without the commitment.

 

If you no longer want to be married, that's your choice. Ending it honorably will be a heck of a lot easier in the long-run than blowing everything up with this affair. Again, you would need to end it because the marriage is broken beyond repair and not because you think your crush will be waiting with open arms. That's not generally how these stories end.

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You know how to stop this. You just don't want to, because the attention and flattery feels too good.

 

If you don't want to make a total mess of your life, end this emotional affair and concentrate on fixing what's broken inside your marriage. Remember that even if you and your crush took things to a physical level, it doesn't mean it would evolve into a relationship. This man is knowingly pursuing a married woman. That often doesn't end well, and will leave you in even more pain when he eventually meets another woman and leaves you in the dust, with no crush and an unhappy marriage. Very frequently, people who go after married folks are not looking for a relationship with them, but an easy way to have some fun without the commitment.

 

If you no longer want to be married, that's your choice. Ending it honorably will be a heck of a lot easier in the long-run than blowing everything up with this affair. Again, you would need to end it because the marriage is broken beyond repair and not because you think your crush will be waiting with open arms. That's not generally how these stories end.

 

AMEN! I lived through this... trust me MissCanuck hit the nail right on the head!!!

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I was the one who had a huge crush on someone while I was married. I left my wife of 14 years for her. We got married, had a child, and 4 years later she wanted a divorce because she was pursuing yet another married man...

 

It's like they are addicted to pursuing... I really dont know what he wants from me, never speaks about it, just giving me compliments, saying how he would miss me so much when Im gone. It is difficult to stop something while you work with him. Every day I say it is over and here comes again another morning...

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It's like they are addicted to pursuing...

 

They are... and they boost their egos by breaking up marriages.

 

So if you are attracted by his flirting, this tells me you are unhappy about something in your marriage. You need to at least try to work on your marriage instead of considering another romance to make you feel better temporarily. Be careful, this can spiral out of control.

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Go ahead and divorce your husband for this low quality man. Pursue your crush. Then when he dumps you because the thrill of pursuing a married woman is gone you can live on your own without the bother of a husband who gets in the way of your crushes.

 

If this doesn't sound like the wonderful future you've always dreamed of, stop this now. You can stop it, you just don't want to. Maybe you feel you're special and deserve a husband AND a boyfriend. Or maybe you do have a conscience and a sense of morals and will end this affair today.

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It is nor just the flirting, he is very fun, has a lot of friends, easy going like me, which is so opposite to my husbund.

 

So you plan to dump your husband for this man who has no boundaries and no morals regarding the sanctity of marriage?

 

Don't be surprised if he treats you poorly. You already know he has either poor or no morals, yet you're still infatuated.

 

What is it about a man with no sense of right or wrong that you find so appealing?

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I really not even in my dreams plan to dump my husband for this man, I just can't explain how this crush happened, and how did I get to this point

 

Stop the flirting, stop the one on one alone time with him and stop the texting.

 

Then work on your marriage. Make fun plans with your husband. Make it a point to tell him you love him. All that time and energy you're spending on Immoral Work Guy, redirect to your husband and marriage.

 

This happened because you lost your focus on your marriage and husband. Get it back.

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Where is your sense of responsibility to your husband, family and child?

 

What happened to wedding vows?

 

They've left the building because OP you are being driven emotion, not by any sense of responsibility or integrity.

 

Look, I firmly believe, even in long term relationships and marriage, there will be others we become attracted to.

 

What's important is that you do not act on that attraction, in any way shape or form, you squelch it.

 

You have made a commitment to be married, you have a child for goodness sake, start exercising some integrity and honoring the commitment you made, before this attraction escalates.

 

If there are issues in your marriage, needs not being met, then communicate that to your husband and seek counseling if necessary.

Edited by katrina1980
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That is the problem, I dont know what I want and where im going right now. I like him so much but I know it is the wrong thing.

 

You decide what you value more, the frivolous attention of another man (and yes it is frivolous and most likely has nothing to do with you - it's his ego as you are 'unavailable' and as such pulling you is a huge ego boost) OR your own integrity and sense of responsibility to your husband and child.

 

My god you are acting like some sort of victim who has no control over herself; get your shyt together and start behaving like a grown up for heaven's sake.

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That is the problem, I dont know what I want and where im going right now. I like him so much but I know it is the wrong thing.

 

So you are considering continuing with this affair? Because you want to?

 

Run that plan past your husband and see what he thinks.

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THIS.

 

You decide what you value more, the frivolous attention of another man (and yes it is frivolous and most likely has nothing to do with you - it's his ego as you are 'unavailable' and as such pulling you is a huge ego boost) OR your own integrity and sense of responsibility to your husband and child.

 

My god you are acting like some sort of victim who has no control over herself; get your shyt together and start behaving like a grown up for heaven's sake.

 

Remember my story. You are playing with fire...

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Recognizing it is just a crush (which happens/normal) and not taking it any further is what most people do, you are over stepping and cheating. Yes this is emotional cheating, an affair, and your husband has every right to be upset with you. All what you feel is just fantasy, a dopamine induced addiction to escape your not so emotionally stimulating marriage. But darling you will lose so so much if you continue this. This coworker is not what he seems...he's not going to be a great husband, he's not going to be a great father, or provider....that is what your husband is. This guy is in it to hit it, then it will fizzle out because he will not fulfill your expectations once the fog in your brain finally lifts. Reality will hit that you threw away everything because some dude makes you swoon at work.

 

You can turn this around, by having a good long think about what you are about to lose, what your child will lose, the hurt and pain this will cause both your families, your friends, husband and child, the life you built together. Next, get yourself into couples counseling and see what changes can be made to improve your relationship with your husband. He's not a mind reader, he doesn't understand what happened to you or to "us". I'm quite positive he will give you special attention, and work on quality time with you, date you, etc. Having a flirtation with a coworker is NOT your answer. Please take my advice....get some help before it's too late.

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Thanks a lot for every advice. It is very difficult when u find yourself in a situation like this, since u can not tell anyone, not even your best friend, even though she noticed something is going on. Now I have hope that I will end this, I will be absent from work for a longer period and I think it will clear up my mind.

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