Is abuse forgivable?

[ThatGirlTayl]

He also said he wasn’t abusive to me. He said some of the things he did while we were fighting were abusive but it doesn’t mean he is abusive.

 

 

 

This is classic abuser denial and gaslighting. He is minimizing his abuse and accepting none of the blame or any of the responsibility for his own actions. Stick to your guns on this one and don't take him back.

[Hollyj]

I didn’t just post on another forum. I’ve posted on about 4 different ones asking the same thing. I’ve also asked friends what they would do.

 

It’s over and I’m not going back to him. There’s a part of me that wanted justification to make sure I was doing the right thing. I made the mistake of unblocking him a few days ago and I think him apologizing and saying all of these things made me think I was partly to blame. I realize I have issues because I think this behavior is acceptable. So many people seem to like him and it always made me feel that maybe I was the problem. A good friend told me that alcoholics are master manipulators so maybe that’s why.

 

He told me last night that I wasn’t perfect either and I was giving him a lot of grief the past month prior to this. Which I probably was. I wanted him to pay rent on time, and start saving money. I could of brought it up to him in a better way.

 

He also said he wasn’t abusive to me. He said some of the things he did while we were fighting were abusive but it doesn’t mean he is abusive.

 

I’m almost confident I will be getting an abortion but I do feel extremely guilty about it. It has nothing to do with him. Just the fact that I put myself in this situation to have to make this choice.

 

I know I was treated bad. I just wish I knew the right tools to get over this and be happy again. I feel really lonely.

 

Yes. Please get an abortion.

 

The guy is a complete parasite. Have you thrown him out?

 

Contact an abuse hotline and stop listening to his crap. And, please do not think you can raise a kid with this POS.

[Shadow2019]

It’s been a month and I still can’t get over him. What is wrong with me?...

 

I’m fine for a couple of hours and then I miss him like crazy. I keep thinking what he did isn’t abuse. We had so many good times too.

 

From what I wrote what part about it is a abuse.. the name calling and the hole in the wall? I’m not trying to sound stupid but I can’t get out of this ty mind frame I have right now.

[TeeDee]

He does not have to put you in a hospital for his actions to be abusive. Change the word if you like -- unacceptable, mean, unpredictable, violent. doesn't matter what you call it, while he's drinking & unstable you & your baby can't be around him. If you don't believe me get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting; it's a group for people involved with alcoholics / addicts.

 

Meanwhile take care of yourself & that baby. If you are not ready to be a mom consider adoption.

[nutbrownhare]

It’s been a month and I still can’t get over him. What is wrong with me?...

 

I’m fine for a couple of hours and then I miss him like crazy. I keep thinking what he did isn’t abuse. We had so many good times too.

 

From what I wrote what part about it is a abuse.. the name calling and the hole in the wall? I’m not trying to sound stupid but I can’t get out of this ty mind frame I have right now.

 

A month isn't very long when you're getting over a relationship which was very intense, even if it was unhealthy. It can be very hard to let go of relationships like this - but if you do decide to get counselling, the feelings you're experiencing could lead to very productive outcomes. The more difficult you find it to leave an unhealthy relationship, the more elements of your childhood struggle it contains.

 

Let yourself know that these feelings will pass in time, and try and get support for yourself while you're going through them. It can feel like falling off a cliff, but it won't be like this for ever. Stay strong, and look after yourself.

[Shadow2019]

It does feel like falling off a cliff.

 

He keeps telling me he didn’t cheat on me and him calling escorts met nothing to him. That he was on a binge of coke and alcohol and never realized how bad drinking effected our relationship. I wish I could snap my fingers and realize I deserve better.

[Wiseman2]

Have you read up on what abuse is and what it looks like? There are many many resources available to you to educate yourself on this as well as enlist the help of therapy. You need to help yourself.

I keep thinking what he did isn’t abuse. We had so many good times too.

[boltnrun]

Gotta love how his excuse for abusing you is "I was hopped up on illegal drugs! It's not my fault!!"

 

Who forced the cocaine up his nose? Who pinned him down and poured the booze down his throat?

 

He's deliberately trying to confuse you. Looks like it's working.

[Sunnie19]

Been there, done that. Get out, he is not going to change. Yes, forgive him and move on.