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No!!! LOL

 

He and the girlfriend got walked in on by a couple of friends while she was, um, "doing" him. Of course the friends had to tell the world what they saw, including the sister. She then shared that awesome bit of info with me. Ick.

 

What a confused world we live in. Men wanting to be women, but then considering themselves lesbians, Women wanting to be men, but then considering themselves lesbians, men wanting their girlfriends to "do them" from behind... whos's on first? :eek:

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What a confused world we live in. Men wanting to be women, but then considering themselves lesbians, Women wanting to be men, but then considering themselves lesbians, men wanting their girlfriends to "do them" from behind... whos's on first? :eek:

 

It doesn't bother me. Who people choose to love or what they do in their bedrooms is not my concern. I just don't need to have the details.

 

It's also too bad he feels he has to hide who he is. He is ashamed and he shouldn't be.

 

On topic? OP isn't "right" or "wrong". We date who we choose to date and the reasons don't matter to anyone else. But knowing what she knows, if she chooses to continue despite being bothered she can't pretend she doesn't know or care.

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No!!! LOL

 

He and the girlfriend got walked in on by a couple of friends while she was, um, "doing" him. Of course the friends had to tell the world what they saw, including the sister. She then shared that awesome bit of info with me. Ick.

That must have been a surprise.

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I

 

On topic? OP isn't "right" or "wrong". We date who we choose to date and the reasons don't matter to anyone else. But knowing what she knows, if she chooses to continue despite being bothered she can't pretend she doesn't know or care.

 

Yes. Great point. I agree because who cares if it's "just likes" -that might be over the top for her when it comes to getting involved romantically. Her call.

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Yes. Great point. I agree because who cares if it's "just likes" -that might be over the top for her when it comes to getting involved romantically. Her call.

 

Yeah you’re right, it’s up to the individual.

 

I can’t date a guy who ties his tennis shoes super tight, it’s just a pet peeve of mine, irks me to see.

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Yeah you’re right, it’s up to the individual.

 

I can’t date a guy who ties his tennis shoes super tight, it’s just a pet peeve of mine, irks me to see.

 

But what if he just likes photos of people who do? I decided not to meet a guy who emailed me multiple times over the years on different dating sites -first few paragraphs were lovely and then he expressed his interest in wrestling during sex - expressed it in a very gentlemanly way, expressed that he didn't need to do that all the time but it was was a real preference. Each time I replied with "you sound like a very good person and I'm not comfortable with ....." I don't think he meant to keep contacting me -just throwing darts against a wall and because he wrote a lot about himself before getting to the wrestling part I always found myself reading too far in before being like oh that guy again.

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To each their own. Some of these comments are reminding me of various Seinfeld episodes (I think it was FIO’s comment about the tennis shoes specifically) - like when Jerry was dating a woman with what he believed looked like man hands, or the woman he dated who looked good in certain lighting but not in others, the episode with the good naked vs. bad naked (all you Seinfeld fans will know what I’m referring to).

 

We all have our preferences, quirks, dealbreakers, etc.

 

What may be acceptable or appealing to one person, may be a dealbreaker for another...

 

But my main concern with this guy is, if he’s sending messages like the Disney princess text now and so early on, it makes me question what’s to come.

 

Good luck, OP with whatever you decide to do. Just pay attention to what your gut is telling you

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...scary :eek:

 

Lol, I once dumped a guy cause I didn't like his shoes, no joke!

 

They had 'lifts' on the heels which was strange as he was quite tall without them (definitely over 6 feet), I guess he wanted to be taller!

 

Anyway not sure if it was the shoes per se or the hidden message re his insecurity about his height, (or my perception of what it meant) but I was immediately turned off.

 

The irony is a man's height doesn't mean a hill of beans to me!

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You weren't ready to date in March... why? Were you not ready to date period, or were you not ready to date this guy?

 

Later, you decided you were ready to date. Why? And also... when you were ready to date, why date this guy?

 

There are so many guys. Shouldn't you date someone you don't have to ask an anonymous forum about red flags you found? And it really doesn't matter if those red flags are reasonable or if you are overreacting. You are allowed not to like it and prefer a guy who wouldn't have supermodels all over in their public facebook history. And if you haven't been dating much, you really shouldn't focus on only one guy. Don't get locked down if you don't even know what you want yet.

 

The texting in between dates aren't what make a relationship. The time in person is what makes a relationship. It kind of boggles my mind that you have been texting this guy for about the same length as I've been dating my girlfriend, but only been on 2 dates. And that was one bad and one mediocre date! My girlfriend and I have been on so many adventures already in that short amount of time. And yes - even though we actually have been seeing each other (often) in person, it's still short. Our first date was good. Our second was great.

 

If you weren't dying to meet each other in all that time texting... sorry, but you aren't a good match.

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You weren't ready to date in March... why? Were you not ready to date period, or were you not ready to date this guy?

 

Later, you decided you were ready to date. Why? And also... when you were ready to date, why date this guy?

 

 

I wasn't ready to date in general. I split with my ex husband in January so I felt that I need to spend more time alone before I start dating. When he texted me again in May I was feeling ready to start dating, so when he asked me out I said yes. And yes our first date was bad but I can't blame him for not texting me after that, cause I was really not feeling well that day and was too stressed with work as well so I seemed like I wasn't interested in him at all. I was interested by the way but it just was a bad day for me. I was even thinking to cancel the date and arrange it for another day but I didn't want to cancel for the second time.. Then, after a while, I texted him to see how he's doing and we started chatting again and he called me on the phone to ask me out for our second date, which I thought was really nice of him to do.

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That said, dirty jokes and banter is harmless, but not an actual attitude of objectifying and disrespecting women. If this guy demonstrates from his behaviour that he deems the primary value of a women is her ability to titillate him as a sexual object, then that is toxic masculinity and you want to steer well clear regardless of whether he likes big boobs on women or not.

 

Well, the thing is I don't know if I would be right to assume that he's objectifying women just because he likes those pages.. I think you need to get to know a person better to know whether they're objectifying women or not. Right? I don't know. I'm still confused..

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Thank you everyone for taking the time to comment. It was great to read different perspectives on that matter. One thing is common though. You all think that I should stop dating this guy, maybe for different reasons, but that's the bottom line. It seems like I'm wasting too much of my time for a guy who's not worth it. Thanks a lot :)

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Thank you everyone for taking the time to comment. It was great to read different perspectives on that matter. One thing is common though. You all think that I should stop dating this guy, maybe for different reasons, but that's the bottom line. It seems like I'm wasting too much of my time for a guy who's not worth it. Thanks a lot :)

 

Sorry but can I just say something...Not everyone had the opinion that you should stop dating this guy, some people didn't. I noticed in your responses that you were only replying positively/agreeably to people that basically said you should stop seeing him. It just seems to me that you actually already had an opinion that you didn't want to see him anymore and you wanted to hear as such from other people. The fact that you no longer wanted to see him was also coming through in your posts so it makes sense that some people that gave advice like: "To each their own", "your choice", "your feelings are valid" in accordance with what was already coming through what you were saying. Of course you are absolutely entitled to think what you like but if you basically know what you think already and you just want people to agree with you then why do you actually ask for advice? Your reply to my first post was "You must be the only one that thinks this 😜" So basically implying my view was "lol" or whatever. Then you just said: "OK thanks everyone, I'm getting a consensus that people think I should stop dating this guy". Not everyone actually thought that but you had selective vision of only seeing the messages you wanted to see. I mean of course that is up to you to prefer some advice over others and I'm just a stranger and not a therapist so of course you don't need to value what I say. Just an interesting observation is all how you got 92 replies and a number of them didn't match what you wanted so you seemed to act like those messages weren't actually there.

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Sorry but can I just say something...Not everyone had the opinion that you should stop dating this guy, some people didn't. I noticed in your responses that you were only replying positively/agreeably to people that basically said you should stop seeing him. It just seems to me that you actually already had an opinion that you didn't want to see him anymore and you wanted to hear as such from other people. The fact that you no longer wanted to see him was also coming through in your posts so it makes sense that some people that gave advice like: "To each their own", "your choice", "your feelings are valid" in accordance with what was already coming through what you were saying. Of course you are absolutely entitled to think what you like but if you basically know what you think already and you just want people to agree with you then why do you actually ask for advice? Your reply to my first post was "You must be the only one that thinks this 😜" So basically implying my view was "lol" or whatever. Then you just said: "OK thanks everyone, I'm getting a consensus that people think I should stop dating this guy". Not everyone actually thought that but you had selective vision of only seeing the messages you wanted to see. I mean of course that is up to you to prefer some advice over others and I'm just a stranger and not a therapist so of course you don't need to value what I say. Just an interesting observation is all how you got 92 replies and a number of them didn't match what you wanted so you seemed to act like those messages weren't actually there.

 

I went through the whole thread again and yes you are right. Not everyone had the opinion that I should stop dating him, but most people did. And no, I didn't come here to validate my opinion. I came here because I wasn't sure if I should keep dating him or not and I wanted to hear other people's views. And I was glad that people had different views and took the time to express them. By the way, I don't think that it's bad to look or like hot women or men. I like looking at hot men too, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to like over 500 pages of hot men on FB so that I have them on my news feed all the time. That's my opinion and I'm sorry if I didn't reply agreeably to everyone but I can't agree with everyone.. Also, when I said that "you must be the only who thinks that..", I didn't mean it in a bad way. I was just a bit surprised because most women had expressed a different opinion. I was actually relieved to hear that I might be overreacting as I would love to keep seeing this guy. If I didn't want to keep dating him, I wouldn't come here asking people's advice. I would just stop dating him. But most people think that I should stop seeing him because he's not that interested in me (as we've only been on two dates in all this time) and/or because he might be objectifying women. I'm still confused..

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I personally would be done because of the combo of the likes and what he texted you (and the timing meaning 2 dates only so this is how he courts a special lady - call me old fashioned no worries). but that's just me. If it was just the likes I might give it another chance.

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I personally would be done because of the combo of the likes and what he texted you (and the timing meaning 2 dates only so this is how he courts a special lady - call me old fashioned no worries). but that's just me. If it was just the likes I might give it another chance.

 

I think I'll see him tomorrow (as I hate cancelling dates) and discuss about all these things. And depending on what he's got to say, I might give it some time to see whether he's actually objectifying women or not.

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I think I'll see him tomorrow (as I hate cancelling dates) and discuss about all these things. And depending on what he's got to say, I might give it some time to see whether he's actually objectifying women or not.

 

Oh ok. I mean for me it wouldn't be about proof of "objectifying" but rather whether I was comfortable with a man sending me a photo like that after only a few dates plus all the "likes" - would simply tell me we don't have compatible values and senses of discretion, respect ,etc. - but it sounds like to you if he's not objectifying women but just finds it funny/interesting to text you photos of women with big breasts then you're good with it.

 

I hate cancelling dates too and I would hate more keeping a date with someone if I was probably sure we had no potential -in that case I would cancel or tell him I needed to reschedule and perhaps let things gel for a few days. He's not going to tell you he's objectifying women of course. It's whether you want to wait to see if over time he continues to make comments like that to you, or in front of you, how he treats women he comes in contact with like waitresses etc -it's up to you as to whether the time investment is worth it of course!

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Oh ok. I mean for me it wouldn't be about proof of "objectifying" but rather whether I was comfortable with a man sending me a photo like that after only a few dates plus all the "likes" - would simply tell me we don't have compatible values and senses of discretion, respect ,etc. - but it sounds like to you if he's not objectifying women but just finds it funny/interesting to text you photos of women with big breasts then you're good with it.

 

I hate cancelling dates too and I would hate more keeping a date with someone if I was probably sure we had no potential -in that case I would cancel or tell him I needed to reschedule and perhaps let things gel for a few days. He's not going to tell you he's objectifying women of course. It's whether you want to wait to see if over time he continues to make comments like that to you, or in front of you, how he treats women he comes in contact with like waitresses etc -it's up to you as to whether the time investment is worth it of course!

 

I'm not expecting him to admit objectifying women but I think it's important how he'll react to my concerns. Is he going to be like "This is who I am, accept it or leave" or is he going to be understanding and make sure that he won't make me feel uncomfortable again? I think his reaction could show how much interested he is in me (if interested at all).

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I'm not expecting him to admit objectifying women but I think it's important how he'll react to my concerns. Is he going to be like "This is who I am, accept it or leave" or is he going to be understanding and make sure that he won't make me feel uncomfortable again? I think his reaction could show how much interested he is in me (if interested at all).

 

Yes and if that's your goal I'd be careful not to talk in terms of objectfiying women because that's a catch phrase to him without real meaning. I'd be very specific "I felt uncomfortable when you texted me that photo because I feel like you're really focused on the size of women's breasts and I felt badly that you thought I would like receiving that text." And sure add that you noticed all the likes so you're kind of getting an impression about what he focuses on in women.

 

Once you start with broad labels you're going to lose him and give him the impression that you're on some kind of soap box as opposed to seeing whether you two have compatible values.

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