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Oh, okay.

 

Bottom line is though, this guy get's turned on by big breasted women. If you're not one of them, you're going to feel inadequate around him.

 

Move onto someone else who suits you better.

 

My ex was immature and juvenile enough to hang pics of topless, large breasted women on the walls and ceiling of his bedroom like he was living in a frat house. I mean, every inch of wall and ceiling was covered and most of the pics were poster-sized.

 

One would conclude that he was attracted to large breasted women, right? Except, no. I mean, mine aren't tiny but not huge either and yet he cheated on me with and then dumped me for a young woman who is maaayyyybe a 30AA. No visible breasts at all.

 

Turns out he was overcompensating because he's actually closeted and the new (still current) girlfriend is willing to switch roles with him and, um, "do" him anally. And I was unfortunate enough to be told this wonderful bit of information by his sister. Super bad visuals.

 

OP, he's overcompensating IMO. For what, who knows. But if you don't like it and you're only two dates in, why not just stop dating him? Who cares if he agrees or disagrees, YOU decide who you date, not anyone else.

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I like j.man's take here. If you've gone on two dates, did a FB deep dive, and are now polling internet strangers about what your digital detective work uncovered—well, all that right there is generally not the beginning of anything worthwhile.

 

While I'm not one to examine someone's digital footprint to make assumptions about their 3D character, were I to learn that a woman I was vaguely interested in followed, I don't know, a bunch of feeds of sweaty male abs I'd just be done. Why? I'd be bored and, frankly, judgmental. That is how you spend your time? It would just be unattractive to me. Too juvenile. Yawn.

 

Honestly, why even bother seeing him again? To see if you can "learn" to be okay with this? If you're someone who believes in doing some social media exploration to better understand a prospect, wouldn't that mean you're also someone who, when you don't like what you find, confidently and securely moves on to someone who "likes" things you're comfortable with?

 

 

I like your point of view and I'm glad a man sees it that way too. Thank you for replying.

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Heck yeah I spend my time like this. It literally takes seconds, not hours and I have dodged a lot of bad apples doing this.

 

You mean you spend your time looking at sweaty abs on the internet and adding sweaty abs to your FB "likes"? That's what I meant would strike me as juvenile in a yawn-inducing way.

 

But I think you mean the few seconds it takes to scan someone's social media footprint? All good, I get it. It's just not how I roll, maybe because I'm not particularly active on social media, FB especially.

 

When it comes to dating I'm probably more interested in finding people who aren't super invested in social media than I am in learning how they spend their time on social media, if that makes sense.

 

Back to OP: If, like you, this is a preferred screening mode and if boobular women sets off a radar than logic has it that it's back to fishing in the sea rather than becoming fixated on this—and, by extension, the shape of her own body.

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Yes, I mean, if we're going to analyze this at least to a certain degree, he could be overcompensating and/or he is juvenile.

 

Either way, he's not a great choice. At the very least, he doesn't need to be slobbering all over women right in front of everyone.

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I think you were right to look at his Facebook. I do when a woman in one of my parenting groups wants to friend me - specifically I look for whether she's involved in an MLM, whether she posts a lot of political rants (no matter what her leanings are) etc -I don't drill down that far but sure I give it a look.

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I think you were right to look at his Facebook. I do when a woman in one of my parenting groups wants to friend me - specifically I look for whether she's involved in an MLM, whether she posts a lot of political rants (no matter what her leanings are) etc -I don't drill down that far but sure I give it a look.

 

Employers do the same thing. I know people think they don't but they absolutely do.

 

That's why I cringe when I see the pushed up cleavage selfies one of my employees constantly posts. She is up for a promotion and doesn't seem to think her boob shots might affect how she's viewed or that posting those photos could even remove her from consideration.

 

OP, you can date or not date whomever you choose, as you've stated. And it can be for any reason or no reason at all. Totally your choice.

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I think you were right to look at his Facebook. I do when a woman in one of my parenting groups wants to friend me - specifically I look for whether she's involved in an MLM, whether she posts a lot of political rants (no matter what her leanings are) etc -I don't drill down that far but sure I give it a look.

 

Same.

 

I had a woman friend who seemed like the nicest woman. But on her facebook she was a huge Trump supporter. She sounded very racist and hateful.

 

That was the end of our friendship.

 

You can learn a lot about people via social media.

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My ex was immature and juvenile enough to hang pics of topless, large breasted women on the walls and ceiling of his bedroom like he was living in a frat house. I mean, every inch of wall and ceiling was covered and most of the pics were poster-sized.

 

One would conclude that he was attracted to large breasted women, right? Except, no. I mean, mine aren't tiny but not huge either and yet he cheated on me with and then dumped me for a young woman who is maaayyyybe a 30AA. No visible breasts at all.

 

Turns out he was overcompensating because he's actually closeted and the new (still current) girlfriend is willing to switch roles with him and, um, "do" him anally. And I was unfortunate enough to be told this wonderful bit of information by his sister. Super bad visuals.

 

OP, he's overcompensating IMO. For what, who knows. But if you don't like it and you're only two dates in, why not just stop dating him? Who cares if he agrees or disagrees, YOU decide who you date, not anyone else.

 

 

Wow, sorry you went through that.. You definitely don't deserve a guy like him.

I was just thinking to discuss this with him and explain the reason why I want to stop dating. I hate it when people just ghost you. I wouldn't like to do that

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Wow, sorry you went through that.. You definitely don't deserve a guy like him.

I was just thinking to discuss this with him and explain the reason why I want to stop dating. I hate it when people just ghost you. I wouldn't like to do that

 

You don't have to ghost, but why meet with him? Don't you think that meeting would be awkward and uncomfortable?

 

Would you want a guy to ask to meet with you for the sole purpose of telling you he doesn't want to see you anymore?

 

How about a phone call?

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Wow, sorry you went through that.. You definitely don't deserve a guy like him.

I was just thinking to discuss this with him and explain the reason why I want to stop dating. I hate it when people just ghost you. I wouldn't like to do that

 

It's two dates -it's not ghosting at all. Please don't put him to the trouble of meeting you - I agree with boltnrun. If he asks you out for another date then respond with "thanks so much and I don't think we have enough in common for it to make sense to see each other again." If he doesn't ask you out again I think it's fine to give short responses to any texts he might send that signal that you are not interested in interacting.

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Here's my take fwiw.

 

I'd have no issue with him liking large breasts, many men like looking at large breasted women nothing new about that; as j.man said it's no different from men looking at playboy or other such mags years back.

 

What would be the dealbreaker for me is his need to broadcast it on FB where he knows you'd see it, a woman he is hoping to impress, and worse sending you crass photos/texts claiming it was a "joke" under the guise of a Disney cartoon.

 

Low class bottom of the barrel behaviour as far as I am concerned, no thank you, next!

 

To me, him doing that (especially him sending you that "Disney princess" photo and writing what he did) suggests he has zero respect for you.

 

Men who respect you would never send something so crude OP, for me, that is the red flag, and dealbreaker.

 

Also, may I ask why you have only had two dates since May?

 

He sounds gross imo, I'd be totally turned off, why aren't you?

 

After seeing that photo he sent, along with what it said, and after only having two dates in three months, I would have just blocked him, and I find it curious you described it as "humorous," what are you his "frat buddy?"

 

Cause that is something a man would send a frat buddy, not a woman he just started dating and hoping to impress.

 

Ick.

Edited by katrina1980
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You don't have to ghost, but why meet with him? Don't you think that meeting would be awkward and uncomfortable?

 

Would you want a guy to ask to meet with you for the sole purpose of telling you he doesn't want to see you anymore?

 

How about a phone call?

 

 

Well, I tried to have this conversation by text but he insisted that we speak face to face..

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Well, I tried to have this conversation by text but he insisted that we speak face to face..

 

Not text! A phone call.

 

So what if he "insists"!! You have free will and the right to say "no" to an in person meeting.

 

Do you struggle with asserting yourself or your boundaries?

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Not text! A phone call.

 

Yes a phone call. I could not agree more. I did that when I "ended" something after two dates even though we typically e-mailed (no texting, no cell back then). I felt better about myself calling him and showing him I cared enough not to just do a one-sided email. He appreciated it (although the next day sent me 6 emails in a row, each increasingly angry, sigh)

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Also, may I ask why you have only had two dates since March?

 

 

We started chatting in March, had arranged a date but then I cancelled it as I felt that I wasn't ready to start dating yet. I explained this to him and apologised and he totally understood, he said it's cool and then we didn't speak to each other for two months. In May he texted me to ask how I'm doing and then we started chatting again. I appreciated the fact that he didn't put any pressure on me and let me take my time. So, we went on our first date in May but it didn't go that well. It was a bit awkward, he was tired as he had just finished work and I wasn't feeling very well. We stopped talking for a while and then I texted him in July and were planning to have our second date. I was going to be away for three weeks though so he suggested that be meet after I come back from my holidays as it would be better timing. So we went on our 2nd date last week and it was much better than the first one. Felt less awkward, had a laugh and kissed. And now we've arranged our 3rd date on Tuesday.

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You don't have to ghost, but why meet with him? Don't you think that meeting would be awkward and uncomfortable?

 

Would you want a guy to ask to meet with you for the sole purpose of telling you he doesn't want to see you anymore?

 

How about a phone call?

 

Yeah I guess a phone call would be better.

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It's two dates -it's not ghosting at all. Please don't put him to the trouble of meeting you - I agree with boltnrun. If he asks you out for another date then respond with "thanks so much and I don't think we have enough in common for it to make sense to see each other again." If he doesn't ask you out again I think it's fine to give short responses to any texts he might send that signal that you are not interested in interacting.

 

We have arranged a date already. We are supposed to meet on Tuesday..

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I'm sorry but I actually think you are overreacting and also maybe being a bit close minded. You said this guy did nothing wrong overall and it was all fine except you looked at his Facebook YOURSELF and saw those pages he likes. He actually didn't tell you about those pages or bring it up with you except one Disney princess picture. I agree it's a bit crude but maybe he has a crude sense of humour. I also have a crude, dirty sense of humour but the difference is probably that I wouldn't send those kinds of things to someone I've just met.

 

I think you'd be in denial to think that men (or even women) don't have specific fetishes or attractions to an "ideal", e.g. big breasted women who muscly men, etc. For example, my best female friend and I enjoy going to see this performance group of male strippers and we've been to their show many times. They're hot and muscly and we enjoy looking at them and following their social media. However they're just a fantasy because I'm for example fairly overweight and I've never really had attention from guys like that. I'm not looking for guys that look like that, I just like guys that look like your everyday "real" people. I have followed "sexy" models, actors, whatever on social media because yes I like to see pretty people for eye candy.

 

I mean it's possible this guy has a fetish for bog breasted women (many guys probably do though). That doesn't necessarily mean that he only likes big breasted women. I mean it's clear he likes you and wants to keep seeing you. You are roasting this guy because YOU looked at his social media and found that stuff. He never told you about it or made a big deal of it. It's not really his fault that you stalked his Facebook and YOU saw that.

 

You don't really know him that much and you seem to have already made up your mind about him just because he likes big breasted women. I would guess a lot of guys "like" big breasted women. In the sense they might watch big breast women in porn or on social media. This is fantasy land though. In real life those guys probably would date all sorts of women.

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We started chatting in March, had arranged a date but then I cancelled it as I felt that I wasn't ready to start dating yet. I explained this to him and apologised and he totally understood, he said it's cool and then we didn't speak to each other for two months. In May he texted me to ask how I'm doing and then we started chatting again. I appreciated the fact that he didn't put any pressure on me and let me take my time. So, we went on our first date in May but it didn't go that well. It was a bit awkward, he was tired as he had just finished work and I wasn't feeling very well. We stopped talking for a while and then I texted him in July and were planning to have our second date. I was going to be away for three weeks though so he suggested that be meet after I come back from my holidays as it would be better timing. So we went on our 2nd date last week and it was much better than the first one. Felt less awkward, had a laugh and kissed. And now we've arranged our 3rd date on Tuesday.

 

This honestly sounds incredibly casual.

 

I guess it’s just me and feelings towards social media, you didn’t just happen upon this info not unless you’re fb friends and He just happen to like all those boob pages in one swoop one quiet evening, likes don’t pop up on someone’s feed unless they’re new, you didn’t hack him but to me you did take deliberate steps to get this specific info.

 

Let’s be real though, he makes crude jokes and although you’ve been in contact since May you’ve only been on a couple of dates, this doesn’t sound all that promising so maybe your gut was calling out for you to ‘find’ a reason to walk away.

 

In the future maybe set boundaries and expectations and when a man doesn’t meet them know that’s your wit Oreo walk away. You may stumble a bit but hopefully it will all com together for you. Honestly of all the details you’ve given I saw multiple red flags the fb like not being one of tgem, but doesn’t help

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I'm sorry but I actually think you are overreacting and also maybe being a bit close minded. You said this guy did nothing wrong overall and it was all fine except you looked at his Facebook YOURSELF and saw those pages he likes. He actually didn't tell you about those pages or bring it up with you except one Disney princess picture. I agree it's a bit crude but maybe he has a crude sense of humour. I also have a crude, dirty sense of humour but the difference is probably that I wouldn't send those kinds of things to someone I've just met.

 

I think you'd be in denial to think that men (or even women) don't have specific fetishes or attractions to an "ideal", e.g. big breasted women who muscly men, etc. For example, my best female friend and I enjoy going to see this performance group of male strippers and we've been to their show many times. They're hot and muscly and we enjoy looking at them and following their social media. However they're just a fantasy because I'm for example fairly overweight and I've never really had attention from guys like that. I'm not looking for guys that look like that, I just like guys that look like your everyday "real" people. I have followed "sexy" models, actors, whatever on social media because yes I like to see pretty people for eye candy.

 

I mean it's possible this guy has a fetish for bog breasted women (many guys probably do though). That doesn't necessarily mean that he only likes big breasted women. I mean it's clear he likes you and wants to keep seeing you. You are roasting this guy because YOU looked at his social media and found that stuff. He never told you about it or made a big deal of it. It's not really his fault that you stalked his Facebook and YOU saw that.

 

You don't really know him that much and you seem to have already made up your mind about him just because he likes big breasted women. I would guess a lot of guys "like" big breasted women. In the sense they might watch big breast women in porn or on social media. This is fantasy land though. In real life those guys probably would date all sorts of women.

 

You must be the only woman who thinks I'm overreacting :tongue: I'm really confused as to what to do to be honest.. I just thought that I would feel insecure being with him.. Thanks for taking the time to express your point of view :)

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FB likes aside (which alone would be a turn-off, and not because he likes larger chested women obviously, but like the others have pointed out, because he takes no issue making it known on FB), if a guy texted me a picture & comment like the one this guy sent you OP of the Disney princesses, I'd be out.

 

His behavior won't change, even if you do meet on Tuesday to discuss. I have a feeling that if he's sending these types of comments/pics now, it's only going to get worse. So if you're feeling turned-off now, I can only imagine how you'll feel if you continue to see this guy. But hey, this is par for the course when it comes to dating - getting to know someone and determining if you're a right match for each other. At this point, I won't be surprised if you cut ties. Doesn't sound like two are a match, tbh. Pay attention and listen to your gut. Clearly you're sensing that something isn't quite right.

 

At the end of the day, it's up to you whether this is something that you can live with, OP. Some women might be okay with it, others not so much.

 

And I think katrina brings up a good point about his behavior showing a lack of respect as well.

 

I'm actually curious to know this guy's age because the fact that he sent you that pic & comment made me cringe considering you two barely know each other. It just sounds off.

Edited by milly007
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